Page 60 of The Edge of Never

“Life isn’t fair.”

He gave me a sad smile.

“Aye, it’s shite, but thank ye for listening tae me, Kit. I needed that.”

He didn’t have to thank me, but I would take it. Everything he told me made his behaviour so much easier to understand. Thane had been grieving and suffering alone, living with the guilt, he shouldn’t feel over something that wasn’t his fault.

I couldn’t blame him for being grumpy yet overprotective after what he’d been through. It didn’t make me feel sorry for him. I just wanted to help him be okay again because I’d gone and found myself liking him a hell of a lot more than I should. And I wasn’t sure what to do with that at all.

Twenty

Thane

The weight bearing down on me lessened the longer I stared up at Kit. The longer I held their hands against my face.

Talking about Jenna’s death was fucking hard, but it helped. Fuck, it helped. The catharsis of finally unburdening myself about our argument. The guilt of walking out of the accident alive when Jenna died on impact. It had been a small consolation at the time, the fact she hadn’t suffered. I was the one left hurting. A never-ending punishment. Only I didn’t want to be in pain any longer. I wanted to be free of it, even just for a second. For a moment.

“You’re welcome,” they said with a quirk of their lips.

Kit wrinkled their nose and slipped their hands from my face. I felt bereft of their touch immediately. I wanted it back. I needed it. It had been so long since I’d had any sort of affection that wasn’t my family insisting on hugging me and crying on my shoulder. Like it hurt them more than me that my wife died. Not that I was comparing their distress to mine, but I hadn’t needed the constant reminders of what I’d lost.

Reaching up without thinking about it, I wiped away the wetness from their cheek. They cried for me. And somehow, that didn’t feel wrong the way my family’s tears had. Kit made me feel seen. They understood why this hurt so fucking much.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

“Dinnae apologise. No one cried for me when it happened. It was only aboot Jenna as it should’ve been.”

Kit let out a choked sound and rested their hand on my heart.

“You lost so much that night. I can… I can feel your pain, the way you bleed, and it’s hard not to be upset about it.”

They seemed hesitant to tell me that. It didn’t feel odd to me that they could feel what I did. It fit Kit somehow.

“Ye feel that, aye?”

Their cheeks blazed red.

“Kind of, but my feelings aren’t important right now. How do you feel, you know, after talking about it?”

I dropped my hand from their face, not wanting them to be uncomfortable.

“Better. Still hurts, but it’s guid tae get it oot of mah system.”

That made them smile.

“Oh good. I’m glad.” They let out a sigh. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m really fucking tired after all that emotional purging.”

“Ye can take a nap. No like we have much else tae dae.”

“You sure you don’t need to talk more?”

I shook my head.

“No, am okay.”

What I wanted was for Kit to curl up on me. As terrible as it was, I wanted an excuse to hold them close. To soak up their warmth. To just be with them.

Kit got settled and rested their head on my chest. Their fingers traced lines on it for a long while until they drifted off. I wrapped my arms around them, listening to their soft breathing. They hadn’t thought I was a terrible person after what I’d told them. Some days, I felt like a monster for what happened. For being unable to save Jenna from the accident. Save our families from that pain. And for keeping the truth from them. People say the truth sets you free. After telling Kit, I could believe that was true.

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