Page 149 of Straight to Me

I reach into my bag in a panic, unlocking my phone and hitting the call button.

“Mads?” he answers quickly.

“I need you.” My voice is urgent, cracking as it shakes with fear.

I press the buzzer and hear him run up the stairs to where I’m still standing at the door. He cups my head in his hands and studies my tear-streaked face before pulling me into his arms. My hands grip hold of him and my eyes close as we hold on to one another tight.

“What’s happened?” he asks, running a hand over my hair.

“Someone’s been in the flat. My stuff, it’s all smashed up.” His hands briefly tighten on me before letting go.

"Wait here." Anxiously I pace the hallway as he investigates. Then I hear him call my name.

Skulking in through the door, it’s hard to move, my muscles stiffen at the sight before me. Strangely, things could have been a lot worse. But everything they’ve touched is destroyed. My bedroom’s the worst. The bed sheets are ripped off the bed, my wardrobe emptied, even the contents of my drawers have been splayed out across the room.

“Why would anybody do this?” I ask sadly. Dean leans against the door frame, watching me pick up my belongings.

“They haven't taken anything. It’s a message. They’re letting you know they know where to find you.”

Feeling trapped in my own home, my heart stumbles over its intense rhythm. Clutching my hands to cover my face, Dean moves quickly, holding me in his arms.

He was right. Somethingdidhappen. They must have come here last night looking for me, but I was at Jess’s.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“I—”

“This is my fault.” He looks down, hooking a finger under my chin to look at him. We share a still moment before he strokes his hands into the back of my hair and kisses away my tears.

My head rolls as he makes his way down the side of my neck, my body humming as his lips push gently across my skin. I need this. But we shouldn't. He’s gentle, his lips then softly graze over mine. I feel my heart accelerate. “Dean,” my voice sounds weak, “I can’t.”

He stops kissing me and rests his forehead against mine taking in a deep breath.

“As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters to me. Even if you hate me, I’ll find a way to live with that.”

“I don’t hate you. I just…”

Suddenly, nausea makes my knees tremble. I run to the bathroom. The only thing in my stomach is coffee, and I’m left exhausted after being unable to keep it down. Dean brings me a glass of water then sits on the edge of the tub behind me.

“What’s going on, Mads?”

“You mean besides my boyfriend leaving me and someone breaking into my home?” His eyes plead with me for more than that.

“I mean, like you being sick all the time. Are you okay?” I look at him hard faced.

“Are you serious?”

“Mads, this isn’t normal for you. Something else is going on.”

“Something else? What are you implying?” I think I know what he’s trying to say, but I don’t want him to say it.

He stands with his hands in his hair as he stares at the ceiling, like what he wants to say is written up there.

“Are you pregnant?”

The floor opens up beneath me.

“No, Dean. I can’t have children. You must have forgotten that.” I don’t need another emotional gut punch today.

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