Page 142 of Straight to Me

“Tea, please.”

“You’re not all tea’d out?”

“No offence to her, but Kat’s tea tastes like rat’s piss. I like the way you make it,” he says.

“You’ve drank rat’s piss?” He smiles and the ice threatening to make us slip up, breaks. “I’m making some food too, if you're hungry?”

“Sounds great.”

He sits at the small dining table, pulling out a chair. “I see the internet got sorted.”

“Yes, sorry, I should have thanked you for organising that.” I busy myself making the tea and I turn on the oven.

“You don’t need to thank me,” he says softly.

I smile but don't say anything more.

After a few more minutes I walk to the table, passing him his tea, and take a seat opposite him. We're silent. I hate it. Usually so comfortable talking to each other, this feels awkward.

I consider making small talk, but don't see the point. Things just need to be said. “It seems we’re both keeping something from each other?” I say. He knows something's up with Rocco, and it's obvious something bad has happened with the club.

“Seems so.” He cups his hot mug, strumming his thumb up and down over one side.

“What’d you do? In retaliation I mean.”

His eyes look past me, phasing out everything before him. “I took out a load of Saviours.”

“Why? For Jack?”

Taking a long breath, he sips his drink then places his mug back down. “Remember the prospect?” I nod remembering the tall man behind the bar. “He heard a couple of them chatting shit about taking me.”

“Taking you?” My blood pressure rises. “Taking you where?”

He smiles to himself. “I don’t think thewherewas important Mads.” Fully understanding what he’s implying, I’m unable to move. “But we got to them first,” he adds.

My eyes have started watering. I wish my first reaction lately wasn’t to just cry at everything.

“Got to them first, how?” He narrows his eyes slightly.

“We snuck into where they were waiting. Some disused mill along Dewsbury Road. There was a fight. The place ended up in flames.”

“How many were in there?”

He doesn’t answer straight away. “Six men,” he says flatly.

I sip my tea, realising just how far I’ve actually fallen. To love a man who could take the lives of so many and not look even the least bit sorry for it. He’s telling me plain as day that he’s killed people. I should be terrified sitting down with him.

I’m no less in love with him, yet I’ve sobered from our initial high. I can see just how messed up what he’s telling me really is. “Say something,” he says, leaning forwards slightly.

I steady my breathing, then look up to find him wide eyed and waiting.

“Do you realise, in the time that I’ve known you, you’ve killed nine people—that I know of.”

He looks away shaking his head. “You deserve so much better than me.”

Resting his elbows on his knees, he looks down covering his face with his hands. I don’t answer, because somewhere in me, I know that falling in love with someone who hurts other people should be wrong. That said, it doesn’t change the fact I wouldn’t want to ever be with anybody else. “Tell me about Rocco.” He quickly pulls me from my train of thought at the mention of Rocco’s name.

“There isn’t much to say, Dean. The guy scares me, that’s all.”

---