Page 120 of Straight to Me

We won’t get to say goodbye before we fly back to the other side of the world. I can tell VP’s upset, but the outlaw in him won’t let him show it. His face looks well and truly worn out as he opens the door to my room. “You okay?” I ask.

He takes a long breath, absolutely sick of hearing me ask that question. It comes like a natural reaction when I see him looking so broken and detached.

“I’m fine.” He walks towards me and kisses my forehead. It’s a quick kiss, which isn’t unusual. The pain that his eyes reflect as he looks down to me is. “Come on. Flight leaves in a few hours,” he says, then picks up my bag and holds the door open for me.

This was meant to be an easy visit for him. He didn’t want to come, and I now know why, but it should have been a reunion of family and friends with a side of business.

It turned out to be anything but.

In the past few days he’s been… distant, and I don’t know what he’s thinking anymore. Every time I try to ask him, he tells me he’s fine and the conversation is ended. What with everything that happened and with Jack not allowing VP to see him, I accepted his dismissals, but as he walks by my side and doesn’t take my hand like he usually does, a cold, lonely feeling takes up residence in my bones.

I start to think he blames me. It was me who suggested I fly with him. If I hadn’t come, we wouldn’t be in the hospital right now, Jack wouldn’t have had to try and protect me, VP wouldn’t have been forced to face his past. My heart speeds up and suddenly I feel dizzy.

Ronnie walks towards us but for a second I think it’s Rocco. It's scary how alike they look. We stop and I hold my arm around my chest as if to protect myself. The thought of getting home and facing Rocco now makes me feel nauseous. I don’t listen to what Ronnie and VP say as a hurling sensation starts contracting in my stomach.

Stress mixes with the medication I've been given. It jerks at my pained ribs causing the sensation to intensify. The walls feel as though they’re closing in. It kills me to even think about his threat of having to leave VP.

“Excuse me,” I stutter, running to the toilets a few feet away.

“Mads?” VP follows close behind, not bothered about coming into the ladies' with me.

Scrambling for the nearest toilet, I collapse to my knees in front of it. He gathers my hair, holding it back as I heave, puking up my guts. The pain in my ribs is excruciating, but I can’t hold it in.

When it subsides, VP stops rubbing my back and walks me to the sink. He won’t touch me properly though. Normally so assertive and strong with me, he’s acting like I’m brittle. “Can you give me a minute?” I ask exhausted.

His face visibly drops as I look at him in the mirror. He parts his lips and for a second I think he’s going to argue that he’s not leaving me, but he doesn’t. “I’ll be outside,” he says instead.

Nodding as he leaves, I run the cold tap to wash my face. Catching a look at myself, the bruise on my cheek has purpled. The outline of Drew’s fist still visible and the bags under my eyes make me look half dead as they suck my eyeballs into their sockets.

Walking back to the door, I hear VP telling Ronnie to keep his voice down. They’re arguing about something.

“Listen to me, what we did, that’s only the beginning, not the end. You hear me? We’ve got work to do if we’re to stop these bastards.”

“But what we’ve done… I don’t feel any better for it. I have to think about Mads—"

“—exactly. You need to end this, son. While you still can. While she’s still breathing. I know you’ll do what’s needed, for her, and for this club.”

I freeze on the spot as an intense feeling of panic sets in. My ears buzz and I take in big breaths of air. Ronnie’s telling VP to end it? End our relationship?

If I could storm out and tell him to fuck off I would. Instead, I lean back against the wall, blinking the tears away. First Rocco. Now Ronnie.

Once I’ve sucked up enough energy to walk out, VP’s standing there alone. Butterflies flit in my tummy when his green eyes fix on me from across the corridor. He picks up our bags from the floor again. “You good?” he says without emotion.

Caught off guard and too exhausted to answer, I nod once, studying his face. A wall’s gone up between us, one that’s he’s decided to build for some reason. My only hope is to get home and completely leave this shit show of a trip behind us, so we can go back to the way it was.

Chapter Thirty

We arrive back at my flat early evening on Thursday. VP sets my bag down near the sofa whilst I gingerly move to the kitchen. The pain in my ribs has numbed thanks mostly to the medication I took, but if I move too fast it surges into life leaving me unable to move. But sitting cramped on two planes and then a car has taken its toll.

Getting two mugs from the cupboard, I fill mine with water and take two painkillers the hospital prescribed before we left.

VP steps towards me from behind and says, “Mads, I can’t stay.” My head drops as I place my mug down, knowing this moment was soon to come.

The whole flight home, we barely spoke to one another. Rather than moving as one, VP avoided contact with me like the plague. I was determined to prove to him that everything was okay. But each time I tried to kiss him or hold his hand, he looked pained. I tried to convince myself that perhaps it was how I looked physically? The bruises and small cuts staring back at him, reminding him of what he thought was his fault. I’d thought maybe he just didn’t want to risk hurting me, but his eyes gave him away.

He was hurting in his own way, mentally tormenting and blaming himself for what happened to me and Jack. Eventually, I gave up trying. I even laughed at the irony of Rocco telling me not to be seen with VP when we got home. Now his VP was making sure of that himself.

I grip the kitchen counter to prevent myself from falling and take a steadying breath.

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