Page 134 of Straight to Me

Is that relief? He drops a pillow to the floor, moving his coffee table over to create some space. He’s come to sleep near to me. I want to turn over and tell him I’m awake. But I don’t know if this is sober Dean or drunk Dean still, so I stay as I am.

His lips touch my forehead in a long, soft kiss. A kiss that tells me all I need to know.

When I wake, I’ve beaten the alarm I’d set before attempting to go to sleep last night. I move to rub my eyes and take in my surroundings, but only one hand is free. My arm’s hanging off the sofa with Dean’s hand wrapped around it.

Turning over, I allow myself one peaceful moment to savour his touch. My heart skips a few beats at the recent insight I’ve seen from the man I love.

The man I can’t have.

On that gut wrenching thought, I slip my hand delicately free from his grip so as not to wake him. Then I quietly make my way to his bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later, I wait for the kettle to boil and hear him stir in the lounge. Suddenly he starts shouting my name, his voice straining as if he’s being hurt.

“Dean?” I call, hot-footing it to him.

“Mads! Mads!”

“Dean?”

He’s asleep still. I kneel next to him and smooth my hands over his. “Shh, I’m here, I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

He semi-wakes, startled and alert. A sheen of sweat covering his brow. Grabbling hands reach for me and he pulls himself up. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him tight. “It’s okay. I’m here,” I tell him.

His breathing is fast and uneven. Resting his head against my chest, he holds me close. I smooth my hand over his damp hair, and with every stroke of my fingers, he eventually calms.

Once he fully comes round, his eyes search for me. “You’re here,” he breathes, shutting his eyes again and resting his head against me. He must be in shock from a nightmare. Should I stay? He clearly needs someone, he’s broken. My strong VP, no longer level-headed, instead uneven and off track.

“I’m here. But Dean, I have to go to work.” Sitting up, he checks the time.

“It’s seven Mads.”

“I know. I need to go home first and get changed before I meet Lauren at nine.”

Begrudgingly, he lets his hold on me go. His pulling away leaves me feeling lost, even though it shouldn’t, as he moves to sit on the sofa. “I’ll make you a cup of tea,” I smile, walking towards the kitchen.

Re-boiling the kettle, small tears form in my eyes. None of this is my fault, yet I can’t help but feel guilty for all of it once again. If I hadn’t flown with him to Australia, then I wouldn’t have got hurt, wouldn’t have got Jack killed trying to save me. I haven’t allowed myself to think about it much since arriving, but as I walk back to him, I feel the full weight of it all pressing down on me.

“Here.” I place the cup of tea in his open hands.

“Thank you.” I perch on the edge of the coffee table and put my shoes on.

“I should finish around four, then I’ll come by and make sure you’re okay. I'll let Lynn know I’ll be back too. There’s some food in the fridge she brought over yesterday. Make sure you eat some.”

“Okay.” I stand, getting my bag off the hook and turn back to him before I leave.

“Try to get some rest today.”

He stands as I open the door. Just as I’m about to walk out, he calls out to me, “Mads.” I look back. “I’m sorry.” His head hangs low.

Again, my heart wants to stay, but this time, I choose to be wise. Offering a slight smile I leave, closing the door behind me.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Imanaged to meet Lauren as the clock struck nine. I raced home, showered, changed and rushed back out again, giving myself no time to think about last night or this morning.

On my way now to meet Alex, I’m listening to my playlist and feel myself relax. I had done everything right as far I was concerned. It was clear that Dean and I had missed each other, and I’m pretty sure his apology this morning was actually sincere. Time will tell what will become of us after this.

“One latte with almond croissant and a black americano,” says the waitress as she places our coffees on the table. We’re sat in the most gorgeous coffee shop and it’s honestly a nice change of pace. The front windows catch the morning sunlight, making the inside light up orange, giving an autumnal vibe caught on the wooden interior.

---