Page 52 of You Make Me Feel

Kinisha

“Good morning, gorgeous,” I said to myself in the mirror.

I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head. Gorgeous was the last thing I felt, but I continued to say it to myself every morning. Depression was real, and I had never felt it to this magnitude. We had a client who requested an in-person visit, and I volunteered to be the one to fly out to Austin. My flight left last night, and I wouldn’t return until tomorrow evening. Mr. Taylor told me to enjoy time to myself because I seemed to need it.

He gave me a phone to contact him and told me to shut off my other one. He would make my family aware of my whereabouts and that I was safe and okay. I nearly passed out when I got Jarod’s letter for a DNA test last week. I hated his ass, and he was doing his absolute best to make my life hell. Thinking about how Oliver prayed over my baby and rubbed my stomach made me throw up.

Oliver loved the baby as much as I did. In his mind, he was the father. He didn’t deserve the bullshit I was going through. To tell him that Jarod could want to be in the baby’s life now would be like stabbing him in his heart. I needed time to myself without interruption to get my thoughts together. That muthafucka wasn’t doing this for the right reasons, and I didn’t understand why he needed a DNA test for a child he didn’t want.

The only thing I could think of was that he was jealous that Oliver was being the man I needed. Oliver was man enough to step up to the plate and take care of his responsibilities. Oliver Andrews was rare. Unfortunately, I didn’t deserve him. He was way too good. My life was a fucking mess right now. Seeing the disappointment on my parents’ faces didn’t help because I was already disgusted with myself.

I needed to find my purpose in this life. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so easily deterred if I had known it. For some reason, God thought I would be a good person to raise a baby. Why would He even allow this? I thought it was so He could bring Oliver into my life, but what was the point of having Jarod as a thorn in my flesh? He said he didn’t believe it was his baby, so why was he giving me a hard time?

Oliver needed peace, and I brought everythingbutthat to him. I brought drama, destruction, chaos, and stress. My emotions were all over the place, and I was on empty. I had nothing left. I was simply pretending to have it all together, something many people did daily. I hated being fake, though. If I was in a fucked-up mood, usually everyone knew it. I had more than myself to think about. My baby needed to be in a healthy and stable environment, and I would do my best to provide that.

After getting dressed and requesting a Lyft through the app, I prepared to start on my makeup. I needed that shit. I’d had bags under my eyes for the past week. I got a text from the phone Mr. Taylor gave me and saw a message from him. The client canceled. Jackasses. Enjoy your vacation.

I rolled my eyes, but I wasn’t mad about that. The only thing I hated was all the effort it took to get out of bed and get dressed, putting on a front like I wanted to be there. I quickly canceled the Lyft, undressed, put on my sweats and T-shirt again, and got in bed. Had I done my makeup, I would have gone somewhere just so it wouldn’t have gone to waste.

I texted Mr. Taylor back. Okay. Thanks. See you tomorrow.

He responded immediately. I think you need to talk to Oliver. That man is about to lose his mind. Despite what you’re going through, he wants to be there for you. Let him, Kinisha. Talk to him. If he still wants to be there, it’s his choice. That means he loves you beyond all that bullshit. It’s much easier to get over bullshit when you have someone in your corner, helping you fight it. Stop torturing him and yourself. I can tell it’s killing you. When you come back, give him air to breathe.

I stared at his message and read it repeatedly. The tears poured from my ducts, and I couldn’t stop them. I had an appointment Thursday that I knew he would want to be at. Mr. Taylor was right. I’d shut him out for over a week. As Oliver said, he deserved an explanation. I should have never taken his deal. Jarod had plans to make our lives miserable like his was. I was the only one who should have to battle that bitch, because I put myself in this fucked-up situation.

Oliver was too pure of an individual to deal with this shit. Jarod was spreading lies about me to whomever he could tell. Braylon told me he’d gotten into it with him when he overheard him and Robert talking at the gym. I had no idea he and Robert were friends. It made sense, though. They were both shady-ass niggas. Birds of a feather flocked together, and those niggas were damn near twins.

I pulled myself together and messaged him back. You’re right. I’ll talk to him when I get back. I have to do a DNA test before leaving Houston tomorrow, though. Are you still picking me up?

How do you feel about Oliver picking you up?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment, I texted back one word. Okay.

* * *

When my flight landed, I was a ball of nerves. I didn’t know how Oliver would react to seeing me. He hadn’t called or texted me to let me know he would be the one picking me up, and I hadn’t attempted to call or text either. Walking to baggage claim, it felt like my knees were knocking. I’d only gotten glimpses of his aggressive nature. The Oliver I’d gotten to know was tender and gentle, sweet and caring, considerate and loving.

Just my luck, I didn’t have to wait long for my luggage. There was no time to stall before meeting the inevitable. I took a deep breath and made my way to the exit. Being nervous was pointless. Whatever was going to happen would happen. Nothing would change it. I just had to accept that and respond accordingly. Oliver didn’t deserve my attitude, no matter how he responded to seeing me. I was the one who created this bullshit.

When I stepped outside, my eyes landed on his. It was like God had a ray of sunlight shining on him to where I couldn’t overlook him. He looked as sexy as ever, wearing a yellow Polo-style shirt and glasses. I loved those glasses on him. Sometimes, he wore contacts, but I would look forward to when he would give his eyes a break from them. His expression was firm, not a smile in sight. However, he wasn’t frowning. There seemed to be a look of desperation in his eyes as he watched me walk to him.

His eyes raked over my body in my summer dress. I wasn’t wearing a bra or underwear. The dress was too thin for that. It wasn’t see-through, but the print of underwear would be easily noticed. G-strings and thongs were pointless. They didn’t hold anything. The sight of them was appealing to men. My coochie ate that shit up, and it was extremely uncomfortable to have wedgies in the frontandthe back. I tried to stick to bikini style or went without.

Even as nervous as I was, my pussy still got wet at the sight of him. He was so damn sexy, and he knew it. His stare was only making me wetter and more nervous at the same time. He didn’t try to meet me halfway to get my bag or anything. He just maintained his position and watched me. When I got to him, without saying a word, he took my luggage from me and went to his trunk. I followed him and said, “Hi, Oliver.”

He glanced at me, then closed the trunk. Grabbing my hand, he led me to the passenger side, but before opening the door, he went to his knees in front of me and hugged me around my waist, resting his forehead on my stomach. “Damn, Kinisha. Don’t ever do this again.”

Tears fell down my cheeks as I rubbed my hands over his bald head. He stood and stared at me again, then lowered his lips to mine and gave me the most tender kiss he’d ever given me. That only caused more tears to fall. I didn’t expect this response. I was expecting him to be angry. It seemed he didn’t give a shit about why I distanced myself from him. He was just happy to see me again.

He opened my door, and I got into the car. He immediately drove off after walking around to get in the driver’s seat. It was as if he knew exactly where I needed to go.

“Oliver, I’m sorry.”

He slowly shook his head. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

I nodded as I swallowed hard. His tone wasn’t harsh, but it was definitely stern. I remained quiet as he drove, and I glanced at him when he turned into the DNA testing center. When he killed the engine, I lowered my face to my hands. I was overwhelmed with the love and care he was showing me despite what I’d done to him. He exited the car and walked to my side, gently pulling me out.

“Kinisha, I love you. That shit ain’t changed just because you were tripping. Relax, baby.”

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