Page 51 of You Make Me Feel

I delivered a couple of body shots while I had him against the wall, then squeezed his neck as tightly as possible. “Next time you disrespect either of these women, you won’t walk away with your life. It will be self-defense, and I snapped. That’s what the cops will know, and that’s what everyone will tell them. This is your only warning.”

I dropped him to the ground as my phone vibrated. I looked over at Anise, and she was just standing there, watching him on the floor, gasping for air. She looked back at me and remained quiet before stooping to the floor to help him. That was it for me. I walked toward the door and saw Kinisha’s message saying she was leaving.

All eyes were on me when I got to the glass door. I hurried out of the house and ran to the driveway to see the car pulling away. “Fuck!”

I slid my hand down my face and turned to the Taylors. The women were seated at a picnic table, talking amongst themselves, but Devin, his brothers, and Corey were all staring at me.

“What’chu gon’ do?” Devin asked.

I shrugged my shoulders as I sent her a text asking why she left. When I looked back up, Shawn was standing in front of me. “If she’s the woman you love, go after her. Don’t give up on her, no matter how long it takes. You see that woman over there?” he asked as he pointed to the woman introduced to me as Sonya. “Over twenty years. We both married other people and had kids, but our hearts never left each other. We’ve been married for fifteen years now, and it’s been the best fifteen years of my life despite the adversity and rough times. Go get your woman.”

I nodded and damn near ran to my car, peeling out of the driveway like a bat out of hell. Shawn was right. I needed to get to Kinisha. I felt terrible about her going outside to appease my cousin, but because it was Anise’s house, I knew there was nothing I could say about her welcoming Kinisha, given their history. Had Robert’s ass not come in the house acting like he wanted to buck, I could have gotten outside before she left.

When I got to Kinisha’s apartment, I practically jumped out of the car before I put it in park. Her car was in the same spot as it had been when I had picked her up, so I could only hope that her sister had taken her home. She hadn’t eaten, so it was probably unlikely now that I thought about it. I ran to her unit and knocked until my knuckles were sore. She probably wasn’t here.

Grudgingly, I walked away with my shoulders slightly slumped and my head lowered. I grabbed my phone and tried to call her, but there was no answer. My heart sank to my feet. I could only hope this wasn’t the end of the ride for us. This was all a miscommunication that could be fixed with a simple conversation. I needed her.

* * *

When church was just about over, I leaned over to Kiana. “I think this serves as an emergency. I haven’t seen or talked to her in a week. I’m dying without her. I need to hold her in my arms. Please, don’t deny me that.”

She looked up at me as I pulled away, the tears building in her eyes. She nodded, grabbed my hand, and squeezed it. Hopefully, Kinisha would be receptive to my presence. How could she not be if she loved me as she said she did? I didn’t understand why she was blocking me out, especially if she’d read my messages, pleading with her to talk to me and telling her how much I needed her.

It made me wonder if something more had happened that I didn’t know about. Why was she shutting her family out? What happened at Anise’s house had nothing to do with them. I needed to get to the root cause of her distancing herself. Just as I thought that, I caught Jarod staring our way. I had a feeling that he was the reason. It was like God was giving me the answer to my question.

We stood for the benediction, and I could honestly say I didn’t hear a word of what went on today. If God had a word for me, I missed it altogether. As Kiana and Lazarus headed out, I couldn’t help but notice the glare Lazarus shot his way. Once we got outside and had gotten to the parking lot, I asked him, “What was that all about?”

“What?”

“That look you gave Jarod?”

“He showed up at my in-laws’ house last Sunday, talking smack about Kinisha. I knocked his a—”

He stopped himself before he cursed and continued. “I knocked him out. He wasn’t going to get away with basically calling Kinisha trash.”

“I knew something else had gone down for her to be secluded like this. I’ve been in Houston trying to hire people for my office since I took on a new contract. I couldn’t get to her at work. She wasn’t answering the door yesterday. I knew she was in there because the lights were on. Kinisha doesn’t leave lights on, period.”

He smiled slightly. Evidently, he knew that about her too. She wouldn’t even leave on the Black person’s universal night-light: the light over the stove. Her house was pitch black when she wasn’t there. “Are y’all gonna go there now?” I asked.

“Yep. Just follow us.”

I nodded, then headed to my car. I was nervous but also excited. Holding Kinisha in my arms was one of the best feelings in the world. I turned on my radio and found “Lovin’ You” by The O’Jays playing. That song was a testament to how I felt about Kinisha. Everything was all right when she kissed me. Despite her doubts about us at first, she gave us her all. I was absolutely positive that she was the woman for me. If we didn’t make it, I’d be single for the rest of my life. If we didn’t make it, it would be because she gave up, not me.

I took Shawn’s words to heart last weekend. He seemed wise and like he could help me through this journey. I was grateful for Devin Taylor and Corey Sheffield. They were older men who could help me through life’s journey. Now, I had Shawn and WJ Taylor added to that, not to mention my future brother-in-law, Lazarus Mitchell. These men provided sound advice and a good time, whichever I needed at the moment.

Devin had given Shawn my phone number, and he even called Wednesday to see how things had gone. He offered more words of encouragement along with Devin and Corey. I appreciated that more than they could know. I had an awkward way of shutting people out of my personal life, but they didn’t allow that. That was why I didn’t have friends. People took that as I didn’t want to be bothered. I just struggled with getting to know people outside of business.

When we got to Kinisha’s apartment complex, my heart sank to my feet. Her car was gone. I rested my head against the steering wheel. I didn’t wanna become a fucking stalker, but it seemed that was what I would have to resort to if I wanted to see her. The knock on my window caused me to look up. Kiana was standing there. “She’s at the grocery store. I told her you were here to see her.”

I licked my lips and lowered my head. “She isn’t coming. She doesn’t want to see me. Got it.”

I lifted my window and burned off while Kiana stood there with her hand on her chest. This shit hurt like hell. She’d allowed Jarod to tear her down but wouldn’t allow me to help build her up again. This shit was fucked up. If I had to sleep at that fucking office, she would see me and give me a fucking explanation. I needed to understand why she was doing this. No explanation was good enough. I needed to know what her thought process was.

When I got home, I sent her a text. I’m not giving up on us. Fuck Jarod, fuck Robert, fuck Mya, and even fuck Anise. I love you. You supposed to be my wife, girl. I didn’t just say all that shit to your parents to make myself look good. I meant every fucking word of that shit. I need you, Kinisha, and I know you need me. If you don’t want me close to you, then file a fucking restraining order. I’m angry that you’re shutting me out without an explanation. You at least owe me that. Even with the explanation, nothing can compare to our love. You said I made you feel again . . . things you’ve never felt. Remember that? Why would you want to let go of that?

I sat in the car as I pressed send, hoping she would respond. Before I realized it, a tear had fallen down my cheek. I angrily swiped at it before leaving the car to go inside. This bullshit was going to come to a head and soon. Tomorrow, she would talk to me whether she wanted to or not, especially since I would be sitting in her desk chair when she got there.

Chapter 19

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