Page 35 of Rules of the Heart

Well, she certainly was consistent.

Through her tears and hurt, Ella realized that she couldn’t keep doing this. She couldn’t deny any longer that she wanted more from Valerie, and Valerie had made it clear that Ella wasn’t going to get it from her.

As much as she wanted to go back to Valerie and tell her that they could just continue as they had been, Ella knew that it would only hurt her in the long run. She would only fall harder for Valerie, and Valerie would retreat further behind the rules she liked to hold so close around herself.

No, it would never work. Ella couldn’t do that to herself. She deserved more than to be in a relationship that didn’t truly fulfill her.

So, with a sinking heart, she picked up her phone and messaged Valerie.

Hi, Valerie. So I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’ve decided that I can’t keep doing this. I know I originally said that friends with benefits would be enough for me, and I truly thought it would be, but things have changed. I want you to be more than a friend, and you can’t give me that. I’m not going to hurt us both by staying in a relationship where we both want different things.

I think it would be best if from now on we could remain just colleagues. I hope you can understand, and I trust that you won’t let this affect our work together.

Valerie read the message within a few minutes but didn’t respond. Well, she had read it, and that’s all that mattered. Ella couldn’t quite suppress a stupid hope that Valerie would call, telling Ella she’d changed her mind, that she wanted to give dating a try, but she never did.

Ella went to bed alone and cried herself to sleep, wishing more than anything that things could be different.

14

Valerie

Valerie knew this sick, sinking feeling. It was the same feeling she got when a patient was crashing because she hadn’t picked the correct course of treatment, when she knew that it was too late and she would lose them.

It was the feeling she got when she knew she had made a terrible mistake.

She stared at Ella’s message, trying to rationalize the feeling away. She couldn’t have made a mistake. She was acting according to the rules.

Honestly, it was probably for the best. She and Ella had been breaking the rules for weeks now in the most delicious ways, and if they hadn’t been, Valerie wouldn’t be feeling like this right now. She should never have started this thing with Ella. If she had never started it, then she would never have started falling for her.

How could she be falling for someone so much younger than her? Someone so different from her.

She thought maybe it was just a lust thing. Ella’s dazzling looks and the incredible sex they had together. That kind ofthing made people crazy, right? That was the kind of thing that got mistaken for love all the time.

But it wasn’t love, was it? It was just serious chemistry between two people making them think it was more.

That was all it was between her and Ella, right? Serious chemistry masquerading as more?

But Valerie couldn’t help thinking maybe it was more in this case.

They might be so different in so many ways, but in their focus on their careers and their drive to save lives, they were very much the same.

Every little thing Ella did just made Valerie fall a little bit more in love with her. It was like Ella was a flame and Valerie was a hapless moth.

It wasn’t just Ella’s lovely body and almost magical eyes, was it?

As much as Ella frustrated her, Valerie couldn’t help but respect the way Ella fiercely fought for what was right. Every other doctor and nurse and other staff that had worked beneath Valerie always did as Valerie commanded.

Ella was the first and only to stand up to her. Ella’s changes to the clinic had saved hundreds of lives, Valerie was sure of it.

Ella was passionate and fearless and Valerie realized in that very moment that she loved that about her.

Valerie looked at the text again. She should respond. She should assure Ella that she wouldn’t let this affect their work, but she felt frozen in place, her body not responding as it usually did.

“Dr. Bush? Earth to Dr. Valerie Bush?”

Dr. Lily Gold grabbed Valerie’s hand and pulled her into one of the consultation rooms.

“Lily? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be up in psychiatry? You have your own department to run.”

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