Page 30 of Lisa's Unexpected Valentine's Day

She actually hadn’t considered that, but now it was something to think about. Maybe she could advertise for an ace Dom. “I guess that’s true.”

“Lisa, babe, there are so many dynamics out there. You don’t even know. You’ve got married Doms with vanilla partners, who agree to let them have discipline only relationships to fill their kink needs. You’ve got Doms with multiple subs, where they have a different dynamic with each sub. There’s a whole world out there that you haven’t even looked at.”

It was weird to have Maya being the one to lecture her. Usually she was the one talking Maya down from doing something that was going to get her in trouble. But she had to admit that her friend had a lot more experience than she did. “You don’t see much about those kind of relationships,” she said finally.

“Oh, I know. There is definitely a focus, probably thanks to the media, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things out there. You—” She poked Lisa in the chest. “—gave up too soon.”

Maybe she was right. Rick had implied something similar. But after doing her best to lock all of those desires away, she wasn’t in a rush to dig them up and try again. Not now. Not when her life was a dumpster fire.

“I’ll think about it. Maybe when I get back on my feet I can try.” Truthfully, even thinking about opening herself up again made her insides turn cold.

“Thinking about it is good. I’m not trying to nag you. It’s just…” Maya sighed and tucked her hair back behind her ears. “I hate to see you so sad. I hate that you think you can’t have those needs filled just because of one little thing.”

One little thing. Lisa was torn between laughing and crying. Being asexual had never been alittlething. It had been a major stumbling block that got in the way of everything she wanted. It isolated her. It made her feel broken.

It was the opposite of little.

Maya seemed to sense she’d said the wrong thing. “I didn’t mean it wasn’t important. I just—"

Lisa cut her off. “Yeah, I get it. I know what you mean.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a long moment as she tried to push a sudden flare of anger back. “Okay, I should go get on my laptop and get some more job applications in. Unless you need any more help cleaning up?”

Maya looked around. All signs of breakfast were gone, and everything had been put away while they talked. “Nope, all good here.” She sounded hesitant. The usual energy was gone from her voice.

It felt like Lisa should say something to make her feel better, but she just didn’t have it in her. The stress was overwhelming her and even though she owed Maya a lot, she needed to be by herself to try to pick through it all.

She locked herself in the guest bedroom for the rest of the morning. The half-expected visit from Maya didn’t happen, andthe house was silent. The space should have made her feel better, but she got more agitated as the day went on.

Being homeless and jobless was enough to handle without the sudden resurgence of her emotional needs. There was an unexplained anger growing, and she didn’t understand why. She was mad at Maya—actually that was too mild a word. Part of her was furious at Maya.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. Especially when Maya was currently saving her from living in her car.

She didn’t want to take time to unravel the whys of it, when she had more important things to deal with, but she knew if she didn’t, she was going to lose her temper. It was always like that. Stuffing down the emotions day after day, until finally they just refused to be pushed away anymore and then they’d explode out of her.

But she couldn’t blow up at Maya when she was depending on her friend for a place to live. And aside from that… Maya hadn’t actually done anything wrong. Okay, maybe she’d misspoken and underestimated Lisa’s struggles not to feel broken, but logically Lisa knew she’d just been trying to help.

And if they were keeping score, it still felt like she was in the negatives anyway.

It took very little time for her to narrow down where the anger was coming from. It had nothing to do with Maya saying the wrong thing, and everything to do with Maya casually assuming that anyone could have the perfect life she had.

Lisa had spent so much time locking those needs up and convincing herself that they would never be filled. And there went Maya skipping by, insisting she reexamine all of her decision. Pushing her to try again. Asking her to open herself up for more heartache.

She doesn’t get it, because she has everything.And there it was… that old envy. It was quickly followed by a tsunami of guilt. She felt like she was drowning, and she hated it.

It wasn’t who she wanted to be, and she refused to let those negative emotions get the best of her. Maya was her best friend, almost a sister, and she was never going to let herself forget that.

CHAPTER 9

Maya knew she’d said the wrong thing. She could see it in Lisa’s expression and the way her friend withdrew. The urge to try to fix it was strong, but it felt like that would be overstepping even further. So when Lisa disappeared into her room and stayed there, Maya did her best to keep busy.

It wasn’t what she wanted to do. She wanted to go down and check on Lisa, to apologize, to see if she was okay. She wanted to badger her friend, until she opened up and they could talk about it.Boundaries, she reminded herself.

Sometimes boundaries were hard. She distracted herself with the weekend chores instead of letting her own needs barrel over Lisa’s. Those chores included running some errands and getting out of the house helped, once Rick came home so they could go pick up her car from the restaurant parking lot.

By dinnertime Lisa seemed less withdrawn. Still on the quiet side, and smiles were rare, but that could have been for multiple reasons. Mostly she seemed like she was thinking hard about something—and Lisa had a lot to think about at the moment, so that made sense.

Rick had ordered pizza for dinner. It was a rare treat and not something they normally did on the weekend when they both actually had time to cook, but there was company, and it made everything feel a bit festive.

They camped in the living room to eat while they watched a new action movie on cable. By the time it was over, things felt more normal with Lisa. They’d all relaxed.

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