Page 63 of Chase

I then hold her back close to me and cry for all she has been through. Even if she is not convinced of my devotion to her, I am going to spend my life trying to prove it to her.

_____

Theo

We lie quietly in front of the fire with a blanket loosely wrapped around our feet. Izzy rests her head on top of my chest while I brush my fingers up and down her arm. Stella, who has tired herself out from having tried to comfort Izzy during her breakdown, is now flat out in front of the fire with her belly on show. Every now and then, she’ll sneeze, roll onto her side, then end up on her back again. She won’t be told, even though she’s obviously far too hot; she simply ignores my pleas to move. Izzy releases a noise akin to laughter, only it’s not. Right now, it feels like I’ll never hear her laugh again. How could you laugh after so much evil was bestowed upon you? When your childhood, your innocence, was ripped away from you, and instead of finding help from those who are supposed to keep you safe from the monsters in the world, you were condemned. In fact, they still condemn you. They accuse her of lying, of being ‘loose’ and ridiculous. Sadly, I now know why she acts the way she does.

She’s exhausted, I can see it and feel it, but I also know she’s too scared to go to sleep. The nightmarish images she painted for me in that letter came from her mind, images that return to haunt her when she is at her most vulnerable.

“I told Daniel I won’t be in tomorrow,” I tell her quietly, which has her snuggling into me that little bit more at the same time as making a lazymmmsound. “And I want you to cancel yourappointments. I’m going to take you to see Nonna… Whydoyou call her that?”

“Because no one else did,” she sighs. “I wanted to be different, so I searched for ‘Nanny’ in different languages. I liked the Italian version and just went with it. She never once questioned me on it, so it stuck.”

“Izzy, why did you think I would push you away? Why did you think that I, of all people, wouldn’t want you anymore?”

“Everyone has always pushed me away, Theo, even you did at one point. Admitting to your brother having been inside of you, of having had your body used as a lifeless thing for faceless men to seek their own gratification, no matter the cost, is something I cannot make peace with. Why should anyone else?”

“You didn’t have sex with your brother, Iz, he raped you; there’s a difference,” I tell her firmly.

“Until you, all my sexual encounters have been against my will, so…”

“But the photograph, the one Ethan sent me, the one with the man you ran away with?”

At first, she doesn’t reply to my question, simply releases a noise that could be the beginning of laughter or crying. I don’t push her, I wait. If what we’ve been through together these past few weeks has taught me anything, it’s that Izzy needs time and patience.

“Do you still have it?” she all but whispers.

“I do,” I answer with a mixture of shame and fear.

“Show me…please,” she whispers, but she sounds determined.

I eventually pull out my phone from my pocket, prompting Stella to lift her head and watch what we’re doing. She waits a moment or two before padding over to rest her head on top of Izzy’s lap, as if she already knows she will need her comfort. It takes very little time for me to find the image, for I kept it in its own file, keeping it safe as a means of self-torture over the years. I glance at it for a second before handing it over to Izzy’s outstretched hand.

“What did Ethan tell you his name was again?” she asks. A question that says so much more than what she is asking for.

“Oscar,” I reply sadly.

She stares at the image for a while before bringing her finger up to stroke her younger self. Stella becomes agitated and wags her tail with a whimper, trying to soothe Izzy as she releases a few tears for the girl in the picture.

“Your eyes are closed,” I whisper, to which she nods. “You were passed out, weren’t you?” Again, she nods, though this time she also releases a sob of pain. “This is one of the men who raped you, isn’t it.”

“I couldn’t tell you for sure,” she replies, “but that was me…when it happened. That’s my room, my bed, and the half-empty bottle of vodka. I remember because I had stared at that label all the while they…”

“Oh, God, Izzy, I am so sorry,” I tell her as I hold her close and take the phone away. Stella burrows her head against us, whimpering as she does so. Eventually, Izzy turns to cuddle her, and we all soothe one another in our family embrace.

_____

Theo

We went to bed not long after, holding one another close as we talked about all the years in between that vile night and where we are now. She’s calmed since releasing some of the hurt downstairs, and now both of my beautiful blond girls are lying lazily on the bed with contented smiles.

“You mean you’ve never been in a relationship since?” I ask softly.

“I tried dating someone a few years ago but when it got to the time to have sex, I bolted right out of there. I was too scared and too emotionless to go through with it. He wanted to work through it with me; he thought I was just afraid of sex. I ended it, which didn’t go down well, but it was for the best, for both of us.” She turns to face me, and I kiss her beautiful lips. “But I trusted you not to hurt me, Theo, only you. When I realized this, my emotions got the better of me, so I let you in.”

“I love you so much, Izzy, I can’t believe you thought I would leave you.” She smiles before laying her head back down on my chest. “Why the dirty dancing in the clubs?”

“OK, this doesn’t paint me in the best light, but I kind of liked being the cock tease,” she admits sheepishly. “It was the only thing that felt like I was getting my own back, asserting my control, and trying to beat it all out of my system.”

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