Page 67 of The Devil

“Go and get her, you big idiot,” I eventually say to him with a nudge of my foot, but make no real attempt to get off his lap. We’ve not shared a moment like this since before I went to stay atHastings Villa, since before Evan.

“I will, but first I’m going to stay here with you,” he says before kissing my head again. “I think my big sister could use a little comfort right now, couldn’t you?” I nod my head against him, so he continues stroking my hair. “I love you, Hels.”

“You do?” I ask in complete shock. “I always thought Cameron hated me and that you thought nothing of me.”

“You’re my big sister; of course I think a lot of you, you idiot!” He laughs as he throws my own insult back at me. “Cam does too, you know. He just found it so hard when you chose to stay with Evan; he convinced himself that it meant you had chosen Evan over him. He felt betrayed, Hels.”

I’m about to argue with him, to yell and scream that I never chose Evan over my big brother. But in the end, I don’t say anything. My strength is fading and it’s only a matter of time before I fall unconscious again, and into blissful darkness.

Chapter 27

Helena

When I wake, sunshine is streaming through the window, and I am alone. Lonely is better than being with a man who you cannot bear to have touch you. Lonely is better than scared.

Remembering that Jess is going away today, I jump out of bed, which is rather foolish considering such an action may well provoke another migraine. However, I only have a few hours before I have to wave my baby girl off to camp for an entire month. I have no idea what I’m going to do to keep my emotions at bay, but I will try my best, for her sake. I know how excited she is to be going and I don’t want to take that away from her.

When I finally find her, she’s already throwing clothes inside her suitcase. I’m glad my recent migraine hasn’t made her anxious about going; she usually worries when I’ve been knocked out for a long time, though I’m sure Nate would have done his best to reassure her.

She jumps in shock when she sees me standing in her doorway, but then smiles when I wander over and begin to help her pack. We chat about Nate’s drama from last night and gossip over his ridiculousness when it comes to girls. I help her sort her toiletries while trying to maintain an upbeat attitude, even if I feel like I’m dying on the inside. My life is all about Jess, nothing else. It’s the way it’s been since I found out who her father was.

“Mom?” she says, snapping me out of my thoughts. “When Nate was having his drama with Bea last night, I kind of got mad with him, so I came to hang out with you in your room. I was snooping and I found this.” She holds out a shoebox full of old photos, sketchbooks, and a few notes - my ‘Lucius’ box. “I hope you don’t mind?”

I look through some of the stuff and find myself genuinely smiling, something I don’t often do these days.

“I forgot I had all this stuff,” I tell her. “I had to hide it from your…” I stop myself and clear my throat, shaking my head over my thoughtless slip of the tongue. “Never mind.”

“You mean Dad?” She looks deadpan at me, embracing the pre-teen side of her. “You don’t need to hide stuff from me anymore. I know about what happened with Aunty Lily, I know what he was like to you, and I also know he was released from prison last week.”

I snap my head up with a feeling of extreme anxiety rushing around my body.

“How?” I eventually ask, sounding small and sad.

This is the last thing I wanted Jess to know about. He’s already sent a threatening letter, demanding I let him see her, but I’ve stuck my head in the sand like an ostrich, hoping it will just go away.

“Grandma,” she replies bluntly, meaning Evan’s witch of a mother. “He’s been staying with her and when I went over for lunch on Sunday, all his stuff was there.”

“Shit,” I blurt out before I can stop myself. “Sorry,” I utter when she grins over yet another slip of my tongue. “Did you see him?”

“No, but only because I told her I never want to see him again. Course, that didn’t stop her from trying to explain away what he did. That’s why I haven’t visited her since.”

I don’t try and talk her around or attempt to convince her to not give up on his family. I don’t remind her that he’s still her father and that she shouldn’t shut him out, because that would make me a hypocrite. I don’t want her to see him.

To begin with, I tried to hide the fact that he had been arrested for attacking Lily. However, his mother, in her desperation to defend and twist the fact for her precious son, ended up being the one who broke it to Jess. She thought I had already laid everything bare for Jess so I could turn her against him. Little did she realize, it was the final straw that broke the camel’s back for Jess. He was a horrible father, and I can’t even begin to explain away how he treated not only Lily, but also Jess herself.

“Anyway,” she says with a smile, holding up a photograph of me in Spain, “when did you have pink hair?”

I laugh at the photograph she’s holding of me and Silver, my old roommate, pulling silly faces for the camera. However, before I can answer, the sound of a car horn silences both of us.

“That’s your lift, Baby Girl,” I sigh, trying my best not to turn into a blubbering mess, even though she’s already seen me wipe my tears away. She rolls her eyes over my dramatic reaction to her leaving but is still crossing the room to wrap her skinny arms around me. “I promise I will go through all of this when you get back.”

“You better had,” she says. When she pulls away, she looks small, like my little girl again. “Walk me down?”

“Of course.” I get up to follow her, but walk slowly, trying to prolong the moment when she will finally have to leave. When we reach the door, I grab hold of her so tightly, I’m sure I’m cutting off her air supply. I kiss her all over until she eventually groans at me.

“Mom!” She rolls her eyes again, a habit I’ve seen her repeating more and more as the years go by. “You’re embarrassing me, and Billy’s in the car!”

“Sorry,” I tell her, offering a wince. “To be fair, it’s every mother’s right to humiliate her child. It’s promised to you after you squeeze said child out during childbirth.”

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