Page 68 of The Devil

“Eww, gross!” She wrinkles her nose and looks so unbelievably cute, I have to kiss her one more time, to which she tuts. “I’ll text you when I get there, I promise. Love you, Mom.”

She then kisses me on the cheek and bolts for the car before I can embarrass her any further.

“Bye, Baby Girl,” I call out as I wave, “I love you.”

She waves back but within a blink of an eye, she’s gone. I remember this same empty feeling I used to have every time Lucius left me. It’s still crippling.

Rubbing my empty arms, I lift my face to the gentle breeze, trying to stop myself from crying, because if I start, I might not stop until she’s back home. So, I take a deep inhale, but when I breathe out and open my eyes, I see…him.

Helena’s Thirtieth Birthday

Helena

“Happy birthday, darling,” Mom cries at the same time as she throws her arms around my shoulders. “How does it feel turning thirty?”

I hug her back, even though celebrating my thirtieth is pretty low on the agenda right now.

“Much like it did when I was twenty-nine,” I reply, smiling tightly before giving in and giggling with her.

She walks us both inside my cottage and I’m about to close the door when Dad shocks me by coming in with her. We haven’t exactly spoken much since Evan and I parted over a year ago, merely weeks before Evan attacked Lily. We eye each other cautiously. When I first told my parents we were parting, he went crazy, telling me how irresponsible and selfish I was being and how Jess needed her parents together. I tried to reason with him, but he wouldn’t hear any of it. He even told me how Evan had been on the phone with him, giving him his whole sob story of how I had kicked him out with nothing but the shirt on his back. Laughably, he even told my father how much he had tried to love me the best way he knew how, but I had refused to listen. If you believed the lies Evan fed him, which of course, he did, I had ‘diva’ and ‘spoiled brat’ written all over me.

Of course, a few weeks later, he attacked Lily and in doing so, revealed his true colors. But Dad never said a single word to me, not even to apologize or eat humble pie. He buried his head in the sand and pretended as if nothing had happened; he hadn’t threatened me all those years ago; he hadn’t forced me into a marriage I didn’t want; he hadn’t ignored the misery I had been living in for the past nine years. Mom was livid, but I told her to let it go. I had had enough drama for two lifetimes, and I was done now. I just wanted to live with my gorgeous girl and live a normal, not quite happy, but content life with her. I haven’t even considered my life when she will no longer rely on me, but for now, she is all I need.

“Helena,” Dad says before kissing me on the cheek, which I accept to keep the peace and because I know Jess is running up behind me. Her giggle is like her own little beacon calling out to me. It still amazes me that in a room full of children, you can always pick out your child’s cry, laugh, and voice.

“Grandpa!” she cries as she leaps into his arms. “I didn’t know you were coming. Come on, we’re having cream teas. Even Cameron and Lily are here.”

Things are still weird between my brothers and me, but Cameron had to come because Jess and Lily had made a point of asking him in front of Mom.

I watch as Jess pulls my father out into the backyard where Meri, Jen, and my family are sitting around a table of delicious food, all lovingly prepared by my mother and Jess. To the side, there is a small table with beautifully wrapped presents and handwritten cards for me. Meri sees me standing awkwardly by the door so comes to pull me down into a chair next to her.

For a while, I smile politely and join in with the chit-chat going on around the table. Nate is trying to goad Lily and Cameron into telling us when they plan to get married. Jen is telling us about a new boyfriend she’s seeing, an artist from Milan, while Meri is complaining about David’s snoring. The poor guy is sitting quietly eating cake and smiling affectionately at his new wife. My sole focus is on Jess, who is sitting with my parents under the apple tree, showing them her recent school report. She’s a swot, just like her mother, but she’s also a lot more confident than I ever was. She has tons of friends and enjoys drama club as well as playing tennis after school. I am beyond proud of her, which I make sure I tell her every day.

A little while later, Jess makes me open my gifts and cards. I always hate this part because I’ve never wanted to be the center of attention. I’d rather do it quietly and make over-the-top thank-you cards, but Jess is super excited, and I can’t bear to say no to her.

“Oh, wow,” I say to Meri after unwrapping something that looks like a watch but also something that should be on an episode of ‘Star Trek’. “What is it?” I whisper and everyone laughs, including Meri who nudges my arm.

“It’s a Fitbit,” she explains, “it monitors how many steps you’ve done and your heart rate and all other kinds of crazy stuff.”

“Oh, wow,” I repeat again, this time trying to sound more convincing. “I always wanted to know how many steps I’ve walked.”

“Bitch!” she says with a grin as I wrap my arms around my very best friend. As we laugh at one another, Jess shoves another present under my nose, informing me that it’s from her. I quickly open it, being a little theatrical just to make her giggle. It’s a frame, and inside of it is a black and white print of her hand placed on top of mine. It’s artistic, personal, and looks professional, but above all, it’s beautiful. Tears prick at my eyes while everyone else gasps.

“Don’t you like it?” She suddenly looks worried, so I quickly nod my head while wiping away at my eyes, not able to get the words out of my mouth fast enough. “I took it when you were asleep. Nonna helped me get it printed and then we got the frame together.”

“Jess, it’s so beyond words. Come here, I love it!” She runs over and throws her arms around my shoulders where she holds on tightly. I pick her up and place her on my lap, even though she’s getting too big for it. “You are my most perfect gift ever, Baby Girl!”

“Love you, Mom,” she whispers and when we let go of one another, we’re not the only ones with wet eyes. I swipe her tears away and giggle when she does the same back to me.

An hour later, I’m in the kitchen with Mom, Lily, and Meri. I’m washing, Mom’s drying, and Lily is wrapping leftovers while we all gossip about this and that. However, my attention is on my father, who is currently standing in the backyard with my brothers. They’re laughing and joking and patting one another on the back. I notice Dad’s expression whenever he looks at them – momentous pride for his sons. All of a sudden, at this moment, on my birthday, I can’t face it anymore.

“Excuse me,” I murmur, throwing the washcloth into the sink before rushing upstairs. I even ignore Lily when I hear her asking whether she should come after me. Meri tells her not to worry, that she’ll come and see how I am. So, when she arrives in my room about five minutes later, I’m not surprised. I simply look at her without words as she walks in and sits on the bed next to me.

We sit together for a few moments, her with her arm wrapped around my shoulders, me sulking against it. She lets me sigh and quietly rage before she even tries to say anything; I love her for it.

“Feel any better?” she eventually asks. Like a little kid, I stubbornly shrug my shoulders, but say nothing. “Look, I didn’t know whether to give this to you or not, but here,” she says, reaching into her back pocket and retrieving the smallest card in the world. When I turn it over, I see a perfect cursive script with expert formation over each letter of my name. When we look at one another again, she winces, awaiting my volcanic eruption. This ishiswriting.

“Do you think…? Would you mind if I…?”

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