Page 49 of The Devil

Ever since returning home from Spain, I have been suffering from strange bleeding patterns down below and have not wanted to eat or drink at all. When I assured her I had been careful, that I’d used protection when Evan came over to Spain, my mother began to worry there might be some terrifying, underlying cause, and to be honest, so had I. At first, they thought it was a bug and that my lack of eating was messing up my menstrual cycle. Last week, they ran blood work, the next step would have been a scan, had it not been for the paralyzing truth that came back from my tests.

“It’s pretty normal in the first trimester; did you suffer from morning sickness, Mrs Carter?” the doctor rambles on cheerfully.

“Erm, not much,” my mother responds politely, for her concern is focused on me and my never-ending vomiting.

When I finally look up at them both, I can see the doctor beaming down at me and my mother smiling awkwardly. She doesn’t know how to respond, not that I can blame her. This is so not what I was expecting to hear. With no words of my own, I cover my face with my hands and start to sob uncontrollably.

“This can’t be happening!” I eventually cry. I can’t even begin to try and cover up my horrified reaction like I’ve been schooled to do since childhood, not even with the doctor watching my obvious breakdown. “How can this be happening?”

“Oh dear,” the doctor responds, looking concerned over the hysterical noises now coming out of my mouth. “This is not happy news then?”

“No, it’s not happy damn news!” I snap without meaning to.

“Helena,” my mother says gently, “it’s not the doctor’s fault. Come on now, Hels, it’s not that bad.”

“I’m sorry,” I whimper to the doctor, wiping my nose rather ungraciously across the back of my hand, “but I don’t understand. I always made sure we used condoms! I was safe…always!”

“Hmmm, well it would seem you’ve just been unlucky then,” the doctor says sympathetically. “I would estimate you at being about four months gone, though you hide it very well. Baby must be tucked up nice and tightly inside.” She laughs but then stops abruptly when she sees the abject horror on my face. “Shall we examine you then?”

Leading me up to a gurney, I cling to my mother’s arm like a crutch, not quite believing that this is really happening. My shirt is pushed up high while the waistband of my jeans is pulled down to reveal the top of my pelvis. I try not to look, instead, I stare at a patch of missing paint on the wall next to me, feeling just as tainted. The doctor then measures my uterus with her cold hands, all the while making little ‘mmhmm’ noises.

“Bang on for three months,” she laughs to herself, sounding proud of her earlier estimation at the same time as I crumble that little bit more. “I’m just going to put this gel on; it might be a little cold.”

I take in a sharp intake of breath when she squeezes a blob of icy cold gel on top of a tiny bump that I hadn’t even noticed before now. A few moments later, she’s pressing a doplar machine against my abdomen, which she then begins to move around, presumably searching for signs of life. At the sound of a crackly heartbeat, my eyes burst open, just as Mom’s hand leaps up to her mouth in disbelief. This just made it all real and it’s absolutely terrifying.

“Oh, God, what the hell am I going to do? What about college? My life is officially fucked!” I rush out in a panic, no longer caring about my colorful language. “Evan and I are still all over the place; we haven’t even seen each other properly since Spain. I’m probably going to give him a heart attack when I tell him. His parents hate me and…and…” How do I tell them he wasn’t the only guy I slept with four months ago?

“Er…maybe we had better book another appointment for next week,” the doctor suggests, now blinking at me uncomfortably. “It will give you time to process all of this.”

“That’s a good idea, Hels, let’s take one step at a time,” my mother tries to reassure me. I nod in stunned silence while Mom takes the various information leaflets from the doctor, then helps me to vacate the stifling atmosphere.

With my shirt still untucked, I practically run out the door and take a deep breath of fresh air before finding the nearest bush in which to throw up...again. I remain hunched over, even when Mom comes over to rub my back.

“I think we need to get you home and have a chat with your father,” she says softly, but I can tell she’s disappointed in me. She’s yet to hear the best part of this whole tragedy.

“I’m looking forward to it already,” I answer dryly, but follow her to the car obediently.

Mom already has her phone in hand and is calling my father to give him the good news. Ever the businessman, I’m almost certain his next call will be to Evan himself. He’ll want to meeting the shit right out of this debacle and have a plan of action by the end of it.

Helena

When we enter the house, Dad is already waiting for us in the living room with a serious look on his face. I walk in tentatively, feeling like the black sheep of the family, disgraced and ashamed. To my surprise, however, when he first lays eyes on me, he stands and takes me into an all-encompassing hug.

“You ok, sweetheart?” he asks with warmth in his voice, and I feel like a little girl again. I nod with a fake smile before taking a seat on the couch opposite. At least Cam and Nate are both at school and college, far away from this humiliating conversation.

I sip a glass of water, bracing myself for the impending conversation. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but am silenced by a knock on the door. It causes me to jump, even though I can already guess as to who it is.

“Hello, Mrs Carter,” Evan, the ever-polite boy greets my mother with a cheerful tone to his voice. He soon comes into the living room wearing a suit and a well-rehearsed smile for his number one fan, my father. “Mr Carter, so good to see you.”

They shake hands in a manly fashion before he walks over to me wearing a frown, no doubt wondering why the hell he’s been summoned in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon. Poor, unsuspecting Evan; a stab of guilt pierces through my heart, but I force myself to smile at him. As always, he plants a chaste kiss on my cheek before sitting next to me.

Things are still undefined between him and I. Between Spain, his internship, a boys’ vacation, and my avoidance tactics, we haven’t yet sat down to discuss what is going on between us. And yes, I’ll admit, I’ve been a coward and oh, so confused. Deep down, I know I should have broken up with him when I had decided to that night on the boat, but what with the way things went with Lucius, I decided to ignore everything about that weekend, including my decision to end it. Besides, when I tried to voice my feelings with Mom and Dad, my father offered me everything he could to make me stick with it, if only for a little bit longer. I didn’t accept any of his offers, but I still caved, like I always do.

We’ve been on dates, had a few intimate exchanges, but have otherwise had to make do with phone calls and text messages. It might have been the wrong decision, but no one can accuse me of not trying. I really have given my all, working hard to be the perfect girlfriend, even when his mother took one look at my hair and curled her lip with disapproval.

“Thank you for coming, Evan,” my father begins the formality of this business meeting. “I think you had better start, Helena.”

I breathe out a long, nervous sigh while Evan turns to me with even parts affection and confusion.

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