Page 21 of The Devil

As relief hits me, I emit a fake, pitched laugh down the phone.Lord, I think I just survived my first heart attack…just!

“Oh, I gotta go,” he says, sounding carefree and happy. “I miss you, Hels. See you next month.”

“Be good,” I call out before he disappears, after which, I sink into a heap on the floor. Now, on top of everything else, I’m incredibly homesick. Things must be bad if I’m missing my annoying kid brother.

Chapter 11

Helena

Walking downstairs, I feel anxious, all the while hoping against hope, that I don’t run into Lucius. In fact, if I can stay clear of everyone today, that would be just peachy. It’s not long, however, until I hear two deep voices coming from the direction of the living room. Grimacing over my own misfortune, I freeze on the spot, knowing that one of them belongs to Lucius, and from how he’s talking, the other one must belong to his father, Paul. He sounds much too respectful and too manly to be one of Lucius’ friends.

The voices are calm, but I don’t want to disturb whatever it is they’re talking about, so I decide to just hang about on the stairs like a stale old cobweb, hoping to remain unnoticed. I’m already in my gardening gear and the door to outside looks awfully tempting, but I know it sticks sometimes. Fate is bound to mess with me and make a noise if I decide to bolt for it.

“Lucius, she would be proud of you, you know that,” Paul says, trying to convince Lucius of his words. “Iam proud of you.”

Oh, God! I inwardly cringe over my intrusion on this heart-touching moment, eavesdropping like a common, little thief, a pickpocket of sentimental, private moments between a father and son. Feeling the need to leave as soon as humanly possible, I turn to try and make my way back upstairs. However, my footsteps falter when I hear Lucius breathe out a long, sad sigh that causes my heart to drop. I’ve never heard him sound so sad, and all from a single sigh.

“What if…?” he begins to say but stops himself for a moment. “I can’t…fuck, I wanted…” He sighs again, this time sounding frustrated by his inability to put his thoughts into words.

“You didn’t, and besides, what you felt was normal. You won’t turn into him, Lucius, believe me!” Paul tries to reassure him.

“I think you’re right, this time away is a good idea,” Lucius says, sounding determined. “I’ll get a bag together ASAP and meet you at the office. It’s time I learned the ropes before I go back to college anyway.”

“Great,” Paul replies, sounding just as certain as Lucius. “I’m looking forward to having the company. See you in about an hour?”

“Sure thing, Dad,” he says. There’s a pause, but then someone begins to head this way.

Shit! What do I do?They’re going to know I’ve been listening. Think, Helena!

Deciding that going up to my room is too far away, I begin to walk down the rest of the steps to try and look as though I’ve just descended the staircase. Once I hit the bottom, Lucius enters the room with his brow furrowed and his hand running anxiously through his soft, black hair. Memories of running my hand through that same hair last night causes butterflies to begin flying through my chest. He freezes while staring at me in such a way, I want to wither into nothing. Instead, I stare back at him, chewing on my bottom lip over the awkwardness of the situation. Eventually, I open my mouth to say something, but he moves to grab his jacket from the breakfast bar and turns to walk swiftly out the door. I close my eyes in regret and emptiness. However, I’m not entirely sure which bit of everything I’m regretting more.

I don’t see Lucius for a week or two, but Meri informed me he had gone to New York with his father on some business trip. Disappointment floods through me, and in so many ways. I find that I’m missing his little jibes, his white cards and his perfect cursive script, his attempts to kiss me, and his overall presence here. I’m so disappointed with myself for letting things go as far as they did, only to pull away at the last moment. Maybe I’m also disappointed with him. He teased me for being a virgin and yet he seriously thought I’d give it up so easily. Then he got pissed at me for changing my mind. I know his reputation isn’t warm and fuzzy with hearts and rainbows, but I kind of thought…I have no idea what I thought.

Just to add to the mix of crap, I’ve now run out of stuff to do. My little spot in the garden is complete, so apart from weeding and watering, there’s not much to do out there. Some shoots have begun to surface, which shocked me. I expected them not to grow because it’s me who planted them. And no one needs to point out the link between my garden and my growing feelings toward Lucius, even I realize how blatantly obvious and pathetic it is. If my life were a novel right now, the teacher would be asking her students how the patch of dirt and plants represent my growing feelings toward someone I never had confidence or trust in.

Sadly, I do miss him though, much more than I thought I would. However, his absence is probably a good thing for me, he warned me after all, so I should take this as an opportunity to get over him without having actually ever got under him…Well, unless you count the humiliating encounter that happened on the bench.Damn that moment on the bench!

My head feels muffled all the time. I haven’t had any full-blown migraines for a while, but there’s a warning feeling in my head twenty-four-seven. Like a flashing beacon, it’s warning me that if it wants to, it could easily blow into one. I’m careful to drink plenty, stay out of the sun, and basically be more of a recluse than I already am.

Being confined to my room has given me plenty of time to think about my life choices. I know I want to do something creative, and I know I want to travel, so I make a conscious decision to do so next summer. I’ll be eighteen and can use the summer vacation to go somewhere new and exciting. I’ve applied to colleges to study textiles and photography so it will fit in nicely, gaining me some experience as well as building up my confidence. Lord knows I’m seriously lacking in that department. The idea of doing just that begins to make me feel excited, even relishing in the challenges and experiences ahead of me. Perhaps I can take the next year to learn a language, even if it’s just a few words with which to get by.

After hitting this epiphany, I jump up to go and talk to Jen and Meri about it. I need some encouragement to try and cement the decisions I’ve made. However, before I can even reach the door, my phone rings and stops me in my tracks. I look down at the caller ID and it surprises me, but in a great way.

“Hi, Mom” I answer enthusiastically, “how are you guys? Where are you?” My enthusiasm turns to concern as soon as I hear my mother begin to sniff and sob through the phone. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“Hi, sweetheart,” Mom forces out through her tears, “it’s bad news, I’m afraid.”

“What? Is it Dad? Cam? Nate?” My voice sounds panicked, and I feel a heavy, painful lump forming at the back of my throat.

“It’s your nonna, Hels, she passed away yesterday.”

As if saying those words makes it all the more real for her, she breaks down into full-on crying. My eyes feel glazy and there’s a distinct blurring to everything as they fill with unshed tears.

“Hi, Hels,” Dad says as he takes the phone from her, “I’m so sorry, honey. She passed peacefully in her sleep. The doctors said she was just old, and her body had slowly been giving up. There’s nothing anyone could have done.”

Trying not to let out a yelp akin to a howling dog, I nod my head, even though he can’t see. However, my emotions soon get the better of me, forcing me to release a sob of my own, the sound of which forces me to collapse on the bed and bury my head inside of my hands. As if some higher deity knew I needed someone, Meri appears at the door, putting her hand up ready to knock. When she sees me, she stops dead in her tracks. She frowns with indecision before uttering, “I’ll go get Mom.”

“Honey, you still there?” Dad asks softly.

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