Page 22 of The Devil

“Yes, sorry,” I reply with a long sigh made through crying. “Do I need to come back now? What about a funeral?”

“Don’t worry about all that, we’re still in France,” he explains. “I’ll make the traveling arrangements for you and send the tickets your way. Probably for a couple of weeks’ time. We can’t get back until next week anyway. We’ll pick up Cam and Nate on the way back. You gonna be ok? Is Jen there with you?”

I look up and see my aunt hovering by the door with Meri.

“Yes, she’s right here,” I say to him.

I instinctively pass the phone over to the adult in the room and half listen while she talks to her brother. Meri, being the sensitive soul that she is, begins to tear up before lunging for me and holding on tightly while I sob against her hair. As soon as Jen finishes on the phone to Dad, she passes it back so he and I can say goodbye.

“Come here, Hels,” Jen says before grasping hold of me for a long hug, only so fresh tears can fall into her hair too.

“I feel so bad for Mom,” I cry, “I can’t imagine losing your mom!” The thought alone has me thinking about Lucius again, but as a poor thirteen-year-old boy, lost in this huge house without his mother. No wonder he is so emotionally distant.

“I know, sweetie,” she says calmly, “but it’s life, I’m afraid. We are here for you; you know that, right?”

I nod, agreeing with her, but it doesn’t feel any better. It’s at moments like this when people who tell you they’re there for you just sounds like a throwaway comment, because how can they be? How can they feel what you’re feeling when they have no emotional attachment to the person you’ve lost? In fact, a horrible thought passes through me, a thought of envy over their feelings of normalcy. I resent their lack of grief right now. It’s cold of me to think like that, but I guess I’m just wishing I could be with my mother right now. I know she has Dad with her, but I feel so helpless being stuck here. She’s lost her mother, and her family are all over the place. Two weeks seems like such a long way from now, and without Lucius or my gardening, time seems to be passing by at a snail’s pace.

It’s been a few days since my nonna passed away, and it’s got me thinking about my life. She was such a personality, full of wild and exciting tales of the things she had done over her lifetime. When she was my age, she was quite the beauty and had many male admirers. She used to laugh cheekily when she told me how she liked to play them off against one another. It wasn’t until she met my grandpa when he was fighting overseas, that she truly fell in love. She had met him at a local bar in her village when he and a bunch of other soldiers were having a rare night off and had decided to sample the local nightlife. She told me it was love at first sight; no question about it.

Of course, she also told me she had played hard to get, but after a few dances and the odd kiss here and there, she knew he was hers and she was his. I need to have a life like this and break out of this mold I’ve built around myself. I also need to break free of what my father has had me believing about being a good girl; I need to make mistakes and own them. I need to stop being feared of others and put myself out there. And I need to let the Lucius’ of this world know I am here and waiting to be swept up in their intensity and passion. Too bad I’ve blown my chance with him.

It’s Thursday lunchtime and I’m chomping on a rather dull sandwich in the garden, on the very bench Lucius had tried to touch me. I can smell the same herbs from that night, and it makes me feel sad and regretful of lost opportunities.

“Hello, Topolina,” a soft, low, and familiar voice says from behind me.

Mid-chew, I turn to see Lucius standing next to the bench, wearing a navy suit, sans tie, and his usual aviators. I have no words to describe how amazing he looks. Butterflies fill my stomach, suddenly seeing him for the man he is, not the boy who’s only few years older than me. He moves slowly to come and sit down beside me and, instinctively, I twist my legs so I can face him.

“Hello.” My voice sounds gravelly, unused.

“I’m sorry about your grandmother,” he says, stroking my cheek with his thumb pad, “I can appreciate what it’s like to lose someone special.”

He looks so sad, my heart aches for him.

“Thank you, she was special. The funeral is in a couple of weeks, so I’ll be going home next weekend,” I tell him with a fake smile. “That’s something for you to look forward to.”

Lucius looks up at me with a serious expression and his thumb pauses on my cheek.

“Where’ve you been?” I just about manage to whisper while he’s looking at me so intensely and as though he’s hurting over what I’ve just said.

“Paul’s LA office, helping him with a case he’s working on,” he mutters, still studying my lips with a frown of torment on his face.

“Sounds…interesting,” I utter.

“Not really. A couple of fraudulent bankers,” he says with a hint of a laugh that holds no mirth. “Country club types who failed to cover their tracks.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, Paul’s causing rifts amongst the banking world as well as the golfing community. The name ‘Hastings’ will be mud for years to come.”

“Will that include snubbing you?”

“Undoubtedly,” he says, finally bringing his eyes to meet mine. “Comes with the territory.”

“But that’s—”

“Helena, I have to apologize for my actions the night before I left for New York,” he says, to which I must look beyond confused; I thought he was mad at me. “I knew you weren’t ready, but I pushed you anyway. You have to believe me when I say I’m not into pushing myself on anyone like that.”

“That’s not what I thought, Lucius,” I tell him as I take hold of his hand. “I led you on and I certainly don’t blame you for anything. I wanted to, I just suddenly felt too nervous to do anything.I’msorry.”

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