Page 105 of Stuck Behind Her

“I can help. With it. I know how a way to help with bruises, it’s pretty efficient. I can even help cover it if you want,” she offers. I turn around now to look at her. She’s standing at the edge of the island table, one hand holding onto the tile.

Still hurts the same.

“I don’t need to cover it. It’s fine, you don’t have to do anything,” I tell her.

She drops her head, as if feeling the same shock I did. “Well, I feel like I do. It’s partly my fault,” she adds.

She thinks it’s her fault. She’s sensitive to guilt, Lorenzo told me that. She felt guilty when my father did the wholethreatening to move to New York thing. She felt guilty when I broke my arm. And now, she feels guilty for this: my eye.

“It’s not, don’t worry. I don’t even know why Lorenzo would do it,” I sigh. Regardless of what Ellie told him, there is no explanation on why he’s so angry. It’s not like I knew that he liked her.

“It’ll only be a minute. It won’t hurt or anything, I promise,” she insists. I remember what else Lorenzo told me. That sometimes she’ll do anything to help, just to feel less guilt. To relieve her mind.

I hesitate before nodding my head. She smiles softly before turning toward the living room. Even her smile looks weak. Like it’s crafted, artificial. It doesn’t have the same essence it used to.

I follow her as she grabs some things from her bag. While she does, I sit on the couch patiently. She walks over with a couple of things in her hands, sitting next to me at an angle. I turn my body slightly toward her. I then notice how close she is. Her body is an inch away from mine. My body heats up at the thought.

She raises a piece of cotton soaked in something to my eye. The cold of the substance touches my skin, making me wince for a second, until I get used to the chill. She rubs it slowly around my eye, her gaze on the bruise, while my gaze is on her. I can still see all her features clearly, as if it’s still Friday, in the library. Her lips. How good they felt on mine.

I shut down the thoughts in my mind, looking to the side instead. The cotton drops for a minute before returning to my eye.

“Ellie told Lorenzo. I wasn’t home at the time, so she was able to tell him without me knowing. She told him that it troubled me, since she was eavesdropping and didn’t get the story right. She doesn’t know what being troubled actually meant, Lorenzo did. It’s why he’s angry at you,” she explains asshe continues to soak the skin around my eye. My focus returns to her immediately.

I look at her, processing the words. “Wait, so he thinks it was forced?” I exclaim. She takes a minute before nodding and finally taking the cotton away. She places it into a small container, and it hits me for a second. “Wait, was it?”

She immediately raises her head, shaking it. “No! No, it wasn’t forced. Lorenzo just doesn’t believe me yet; he thinks I’m being tricked or something. I mean, I know there is some type of jealousy there, I think you know that because Ellie told you about him liking me. But it’s mainly because of that.”

I can see the pain in her eyes, right before she drops them again to tidy up the things she brought. So, Lorenzo thinks I forced myself on her. He knows I would never do that. How horrible does he think I am? If I really had, I deserve this black eye. I didn’t, though. Right?

“I’m sorry. About you two fighting. I’m trying to convince him, I swear. He just has more proof against you than for you. Our family doesn’t exactly have the best history with yours.”

It makes sense now. She hates my dad. Both her and Lorenzo do. But my dad doesn’t know them. I mean, he knows Lorenzo, but this is about Val. My dad doesn’t interact with her at all. He’s never really interacted with anyone but his friends. What did he do?

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault,” I tell her, even though I know that’s nothing close to the reassurance she deserves. Even with her eyes down, I look at them. They’re glassy, shining from the small light bulb above us. The urge comes to me, to ask her. To ask why she’s been avoiding me. If it really wasn’t forced. “What happened? That day,” I ask.

She still looks down, but I see the change in her face. She doesn’t talk for a while, closing all the containers and bags. Shelooks like she doesn’t want to answer. Like she can’t. Her mouth opens slightly, then closes again.

“I panicked. That’s why I ran away. After . . . it happened, I just started overthinking things. Lorenzo’s my friend. My best and only friend. When he told me he liked me, I felt horrible that I didn’t feel the same way. Kissing his friend isn’t exactly the best way to say sorry.” She finally looks up.

Guilt. She felt guilty. She always feels guilty for things she didn’t do, things she can’t control. She felt guilty for kissing me. It’s like a stab to the heart. It hurt that she ran away, that she ghosted me, but I think this hurts more. It confirms that it was a mistake. Something she wished never happened. Something that shouldn’t have.

It should’ve been Lorenzo.

I’m the one to look away now, nodding. It’s all I’m able to do. I have no answer. No response. There’s nothing I can say that’ll mean anything. Nothing that’ll change her mind or change the facts.It was a mistake.To her, it was a mistake.

“Your eye should be better tomorrow. I don’t know how well it works with a black eye, but it should make it less vivid.” She changes the topic, standing up to let the cushion of the couch rise back up. “I should get back to work. You should sleep, too; we have a lot to do tomorrow,” she tells me.

I nod again, and she walks around the couch to enter her room. My head twists, my eyes following her. She doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t say anything else. She enters the room, closing the door, leaving me alone in the living room. Hurt.

She doesn’t handle guilt easily. As long as Lorenzo loves her, she can’t love me. She can’t even think of it. As long as he loves her, our chances are as low as zero.

It seems like that might be forever.

Chapter 66 – Diciannove

Val

Christmas was never much of an important holiday to me. I didn’t start celebrating it properly until I was nine, and even then, it wasn’t as high-spirited as it should’ve been. But Ellie loves it. She has been celebrating it since the day she was born. She has every reason to love it, and she is the only reason I do. But I will never feel the same excitement she does when it comes. I just play the part with her and Mom.

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