Page 92 of To Catch a Firefly

“No?” I repeat, not understanding the word or its meaning or why Ellis would possibly be saying it when he should be kissing me.

He shakes his head rapidly, turning around and pacing a few steps away. His hands rake through his hair, and he looks distraught.

“What the hell is going on?” I say, stepping away from my luggage.

He grunts, shaking his head again, barely meeting my eye. I reach for him, but he backs away.

“Ellis…” I say, hurt by his rebuttal.

I think I hear another “No,” but then Ellis is walking away.

“Hey!” I call, jogging after him. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

He doesn’t answer or slow as he walks past the front of his house, wearing only a long-sleeved shirt, jeans, and unlaced boots. His destination is clear. The silo.

I curse, looking back at my opened-up car. I pull out my phone as I jog after him, texting my dad and tripping more than once over the drifts of snow at the edge of the field. Ellis reaches the silo long before me.

My breath is coming short by the time I catch up. It fogs the air in front of me. “El.”

He’s pacing the interior of the silo now, the lines of his body drawn tight.

“What’s going on?” I ask calmly, heading his way.

His eyes, when they cut over to me, look pained. “Why?” he croaks out.

“Why what?” I ask, trying to catch his arm. He sidesteps, and a small sound escapes my throat. I blow out a breath, letting Ellis pace away. “Why am I back for good? I thought that would be obvious.”

“You didn’t…” He shakes his head again, not meeting my eye. “Didn’t tell me.”

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up,” I admit. “I had to talk to my boss and get everything squared away before I could move back. We just finalized the paperwork, so here I am. I thought I’d surprise you.”

The look he gives me is unimpressed.

“What the fuck, El?” I ask, trying to keep my tone even, despite the swearing and uncomfortable gut-swooping. “I thought you’d be happy.”

He grunts, and I’m just…shocked. I’m shocked.

“You don’t want me here?” I ask, almost in disbelief.

He shakes his head, andoh fuck. I sit on the ground, knees bent as I try to catch my breath.Holy fuck.

Ellis drops down in front of me, hands on my knees. His eyes are imploring me, but I don’t understand.

“Why don’t you want me here?” I ask, my voice shaking.

His expression crumples. “Trapped.”

“You…you’d feel trapped?” I whisper.

He shakes his head quickly, eyes going everywhere as the silence stretches painfully. His fingers dig into my knees. “Y-you,” he finally says.

“Me?”

He nods, but I’m not getting it.

“I want to be here, El. With you.”

He makes a frustrated sound before getting to his feet. His pacing resumes. “Like…my dad,” he says, the words coming slow. “Leave.”

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