Page 24 of Slow Burn (The Boston Beauties)

She closed her door and sat back down. ‘What’s up with you, you’ve been off since yesterday.’

‘Lisa, I’m sorry, I can’t keep seeing you,’ I said in a low voice, not able to make eye contact with her. Yup, I was a coward, I didn’t want to hurt her, or see the hurt I caused on her face. Worse, I can’t stand to see her cry, I’d never want to hurt her intentionally, but this was out of my hands, Jessa was my heart.

I saw Lisa’s jaw drop out of the corner of my eye and heard her take a deep breath. ‘What do you mean you can’t keep seeing me? We’re moving in together in a few weeks.’

I shook my head, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’

‘Well, you don’t have a choice, we have a lease,’ she spat out, refusing to accept my answer. I gripped the steering wheel as if it would give me strength.

‘Feel free to move in, I’ll pay my half of the rent for 6 months,’ I told her. I wasn’t about to leave her high and dry. After all, it wasn’t as if she did anything wrong. This was all on me—or rather, Jessa.

I was angry now. If I had known, I’d never have gotten involved with Lisa and wouldn’t be in this messy situation at the moment.

‘What’s going on?’ she demanded, turning in her seat, reaching out to grip my face harder than needed, turning my head with force so I had no choice but to look at her. I’d never seen her mad, not like this. I knew I couldn’t tell her the truth. ‘Everything was fine a few days ago.’

I couldn’t say anything, I just shook my head. ‘I’m sorry Lisa. I just can’t do it.’

‘Ok,’ she sniffed, and I looked at her to see her tears had started. ‘But, are we…’

‘I can’t, I’m sorry.’ I took her hand, ‘It’s nothing you did, and I promise you that. You’re awesome, there are just some things I need to sort out, and it’s not fair for me or you to be strung along while I sort my shit out.’

‘And you didn’t know about this shit last month when we agreed to move in?’ She tore her hands from mine, not wanting any part of me. She was moving past angry and was well and truly on her way to hating me, and rightly so.

I shook my head. ‘Not really.’ It was the only truth I could give her.

CHAPTER 8

JESSA

8 months ago

It was only fitting that my journey to finding myself started on a boat. Water was always moving, just like life, it ebbed and flowed. And just like my journey, I was finding myself. I was building my boat to sustain me, and to aid me in self-discovery, so when I was done, I’d be able to navigate my life and not be towed along.

I had always been a passenger on my father’s boat, following him on the course he had set for me, never really deviating. Even with Matt, I felt I just jumped ship, but was still tethered, that my father was still charting the way, my destination already known. I was now weathering my own storm, some days were smooth sailing, and others I battled the waves, just barely keeping my head above the water. But I was a fighter and grew stronger every day, so on the days the undertow wanted to pull me under, I fought the current, surfacing stronger than I was before.

Drew had been the only person to ever ask me what I wanted, encouraged me to find who I was, to find the real Jessa and live her best life. The only problem with that at the time, I really had no idea who Jessa was. He asked me what I wanted to be, and because my life had been pre-planned, I’d never thought to explore my options.

I was Jessa Cahill, daughter of Steve and Colleen. I was exactly who they expected me to be, the good daughter, the bright student, the dedicated volunteer, and above all that, I exhibited kindness and was polite, even when I wanted to show my true feelings. Then I was Jessa, fiancée to Matt, and again, he had molded me into what he wanted me to be, stole my voice through manipulation, made me submissive through blackmail, and broke my will to fight and ruined my spirit of discovery.

I would never have found the real Jessa without a change of scenery, without removing the most influential people in my life. Even Drew who wanted me to find myself, I knew that I’d morph into his version of me. Even if he didn’t have one yet, he would one day. If we stood a chance, I needed to be alone on my path of self-discovery. For it to work long-term, I needed to come back with a purpose. With any luck, he’d still accept the new me.

If I wanted any chance of living my best life, I had to first find out what that entailed.

Feigning surprise was just another act I was putting on as Matt led me onto the yacht on a beautiful August day last summer. It was one week prior to our wedding, and Matt thought he was surprising me with a weekend on a mini-yacht.

The only surprise was just how gullible Matt and his sister had been thinking they could possibly get one over on my cousin Breton and myself.

Breton had been meticulous in planning possibilities for months now. Ever since he found Julie's connection and I told him I was willing to do whatever it took to take them down, even when he begged me to walk away, that it was serious, and he didn’t want me to end up dead too. He’d spammed Matt and Julie's computers with ads and emails about glamping sites, yachts for hire, and B&Bs. I’d done my part by picking the movie overboard one night, commenting again on how much I loved sailing; but Matt had already known this. The best plan involved the yacht, and we were banking on them choosing it, so I did my part to steer Matt in that direction.

Brett and I weren’t surprised at all when they booked the yacht, and took the captain’s suggestion of the route, and all of his recommendations for excursions. Breton had left nothing to chance, everything was calculated.

With the security cameras at the marina rolling, they captured me looking surprised, heading back to my car to fetch my bag and bring it on board. What it didn’t capture was that, inside it, I had the satellite phone and tracking device. Days before, Breton had arranged for a flotation suit to be stored onboard for me, along with other supplies that I would need for my covert getaway.

Over the course of the next two days, I played my part, pretending to enjoy time with Matt, keeping him at arm’s length, and ensuring that when we had disagreements and the big argument, it was done in front of the crew. The final night, waiting until Sonja had been in earshot, I brought up the sex tape, the prenup, and that I wasn’t happy with him and his actions.

I made our drinks, adding only a splash of rum in mine, while making his doubles at first, and reducing the amount each time I made them so he stayed somewhat conscious, until the crew retired and I slipped a roofie into his last drink.

‘Listen, we’re clearly not getting anywhere,’ I said a few minutes after he was halfway done his drink and his eyes started to droop. ‘I think I’m going to head to bed.’ I picked up my glass and downed the rest of my drink. He mirrored my action and followed me down the stairs, a bit unsteady on his feet. I had to lead him down and help him into the master cabin, then plopped him down on the bed.

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