Page 75 of Deeper

“Now, that is insane, Little Bird. I’ve killed people. I lost track of the body count a long time ago. I’m aware of the risk involved. I could make a mistake or slip up and blow my cover. But that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about what those consequences could mean for me.”

She shuts down. Just like that. Her eyes leave mine, and she mumbles into my chest, “I don’t want to talk about me.”

I sigh with a bit of frustration over how closed off she is. “Then, what do you want to talk about?”

“You. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about where you grew up and your family. Tell me where you came from.”

I’ll give an inch so that, hopefully, at some point, we can even make it a measly mile.

“I grew up in a whorehouse that my dad owns.”

“Wait, like you were around it a lot or you literally lived there?”

“The bedroom across the hall from mine was the room to three of his girls. Six others also lived in my childhood home with us. Most of them had been around for as long as I can remember, but every once in a while, a new girl would show up.”

“What about your mom?”

“I never knew her. She was one of my father’s girls. She split right after I was born.”

“That doesn’t sound like the idealistic childhood.” She looks up at me with commiserating eyes. She has a story from her past that rivals my own.

“It’s strange. When that life is all you’ve ever known, you don’t understand that it isn’t normal. I was isolated in the desert. For all I knew, all homes were just like mine. It was only after I left home that I realized how fucked it really was. The only thing I was certain about was that I hated my dad.”

“Why?”

My mind shifts to a man I rarely think about and a time that was long ago.

“I was never a child. I was an obedient employee who was being trained to take over the business. My father ruled with a raging temper and physical domination. I cleaned the appointment rooms. I greeted the customers. I made sure the girls were happy. When things were running smoothly, I hardly saw my father. But, when something went wrong, he couldn’t be ignored.”

“Do you still talk to your father?”

“No. I left Nevada at sixteen and never looked back.”

“What was the final straw that made you leave?”

Emerald. She started the chain that led to me leaving.

“One of the girls killed a client.” I had my first tinge of power that came from death. “The guy was someone the girls always complained about. He would get rough with them, and he never liked to be told no. He didn’t think whores should be able to deny him anything. Emerald snapped and stabbed him dozens of times.”

I saw the blood. I saw my first dead body, and I instinctively knew it wouldn’t be the last.

“What happened to her?”

“I don’t actually know. That was the night I left.”

“I get what you mean about not knowing the difference. I’m not sure which scenario is worse, though. Not knowing that your life isn’t normal or knowing that it isn’t.” Her voice is sad.

“Not knowing is probably better. At least until you figure it out. What about you?”

Rylan turns onto her back and focuses on the ceiling as she speaks, “My dad was my softball coach. He’d be outside in the yard with me, playing catch, for hours—not because he made me, but because I loved it so much. The team celebrations were always at our house.” She pauses to clear her throat. “My mom used to always make my friends laugh. She always concocted different ways to entertain us. When I was young, everyone at school loved coming to my house over the weekend.”

“Are you still close to your parents?” I ask the question even though her mood is telling of the answer.

“No.”

“Where are they?”

“Gone.”

“You experienced the difference between a good childhood and a bad one?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, Rylan.”

I pull her closer to me. Her eyes disappear as she shuts them tight. Rylan didn’t open up that much to me, but the one thing I did get out of this conversation is that her past is the answer to all the things I find mysterious about her.

The key to her secrets comes from the past she’s left behind, which is probably true for both of us.

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