Page 74 of Deeper

“Fuck, Rylan. You have to give me something. You’re asking for a whole lot of fucking trust from me all while keeping your mouth shut. Why does this not fucking terrify you? Why do you want this?”

I move from the couch to refill my glass. I need another drink.

“Have you ever experienced loss, Callen? Not a stranger, not a sad story from the news, and not the lives you take with your own hands, like a real heavy loss.”

“No.”

She stands and follows me to the kitchen area. Raw emotion bursts from her, the most emotion I’ve ever seen her display that wasn’t pleasure, and her voice breaks. “It changes you, rewrites you. Sometimes, if the loss is great enough, it completely controls you. That’s what happened to me. I lost something and let that loss take me away. When I was with you the other night, it was the first time in a really long fucking time that I felt like I had a slip of that control back. Now, I know it could make me thrive.”

A single tear, that seems so out of place to who she is, escapes and falls from her cheek and onto the countertop. Her hands clench into fists while I refill her glass.

“Who did you lose?”

“Who haven’t I lost?” She drains her glass and turns her back on me. “Take me back to my car, Callen.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll be outside.”

“No. I’m not bringing you back to your car. That isn’t what I meant.”

She cautiously turns back, again facing me.

“What did you mean then?”

“You’re right. I’m not done, and when I find Number Two, I’ll bring you with me.” I might be making the biggest mistake of my life, but I can’t bring myself to care. I’ll be careful. I’ll cover my tracks. I’ll make sure this thing with Rylan doesn’t cause any complications. “But, Rylan, we need to be more careful. And I’m in charge when it comes to this. I have final say over every aspect of this topic. My job isn’t a place for your games.”

“Promise.” Her shirt comes up over her head.

I sip my whiskey.

She pushes her jeans down her slender legs, and then she reaches behind and unclasps her bra. The fabric slides down her arms.

I set my drink down, and Rylan steps forward, toward me.

“I’m glad you came around. Now, I think you owe me a little something for that shit you pulled the other night. Don’t be stingy with the orgasms. I want several, and I want them now.”

I smirk, slightly surprised that I forgot about my little game. “Did you behave, Little Bird? Have you touched yourself since I left you in that room?”

“I haven’t, and I’m ready to explode.”

“I’ll take care of you, Rylan.”

I’ll take care of all of it. The orgasms and the heinous things we have planned together.

“Are we crazy?” Rylan asks me.

Hours have crept by. Early morning has come.

I bent Rylan into a pretzel and gave her more orgasms than I have fingers. Something shifted while she lay beneath me, rode on top of me, and bent at the waist in front of me. As hard as I might have tried to fight it, Rylan and I aren’t two people looking to get off in the most convenient way. The voice inside my head screams the truth at me, and stupidity smacks me in the face. I should have seen it sooner.

We’re drawn to one another. The affliction inside each of us feeds off one another.

Rylan tilts her head and looks up at me. Her naked body clings to mine. The tips of her fingers flit across my skin. Her hazel eyes beg me not to take away my acceptance of our newly minted plan.

“Certifiable, but we’ll be careful. I’ve covered the tracks of one for years. With some planning and forethought, I can easily cover the tracks for two. I’ll keep you safe.”

“Getting caught doesn’t scare me either, Callen. Do what you need to, but I’ll be okay.”

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