Page 85 of Papers Don't Lie

Kai chokes on his words but doesn’t shed any tears. I place my palm on his back, caressing it as my lips press a kiss on his shoulder.

Through the entire funeral, he stands still as stone, not one emotion slipping past his mask and no other word escaping his mouth.

My heart aches for him.

FORTY-SIX

KAI

We walk inside the house, the door closing behind us, and I get three steps into the living room before I break apart, falling to my knees with a loud thud. My eyes burn from all of the unshed tears, firing them out with no remorse as they burn into my cheeks, carving inside them. And despite the blood pumping my heart, it feels like the opposite.

The world has stopped, along with my breathing and the erratic beats of my heart, sucking my sight and plastering in front of me an image I won’t forget.

My dad giving his last breath in my arms, becoming someone I don’t know in a mere second. Just a cold and unfamiliar version of him. His soul is far away, out of my reach, and I can’t whisper goodbye because he can’t hear me. He’s already out of the world he built for us.

He said I made his wish come true, and I wonder now that he’s in heaven—if heaven really exists—will he regret dying when he finds out Esmeray and I didn’t marry because we loved each other? If he finds out what set him free is caging me?

It’s my fault. I should’ve told him the truth.

And yet, I couldn’t. I couldn’t because he was the happiest I’d seen him in a while, and I couldn’t take that away from himwhen life took enough. Was it worth it, though? Enjoying a few minutes of happiness just to face a life without him in it?

Coward. That’s what I am.

“Kai.” Esmeray is on her knees in front of me, touching my cheeks with her warm palms. I know I said I wanted her to stop, but I never want her to stop touching me. Especially not right now. “Let’s get you washed,” she says in a serene voice, helping me up off my feet.

My palms catch her cheeks. “My love," I whisper. Her eyes round on me, lips parting open. She shakes her head, almost as if to erase whatever thought she had.

I let myself lean on her, afraid that if I don’t have something to support myself, I’ll end up in a pool at her feet and she won’t be able to do anything but clean after me.

When we walk into the room, Purple wiggles his tail at our feet, barking happily. Esmeray ignores him, but I lean down to pat him on the head, a low smile on my lips.

“I don’t want to shower,” I murmur when she drags me to the bathroom.

She stops, her big eyes staring at me before she gulps in a nod. “What do you want then?”

What do I want? If I reply to this question, it will make it seem like I’m an ungrateful shit for what I already have. I do have an answer though, but not for her. It’s for myself.

I want my dad back. I wish my mother never left and Ryker never closed himself off. I wish we were a family again, that miles weren’t breaking us apart. I wish mine and Esmeray's relationship would have started in a better way, and that we would’ve built a real relationship. I wish I didn’t say those words to her. I wish…

“You,” I admit, then straighten my spine, watching how her lips part open at my confession.

Esmeray takes a step back, hitting the wall behind her. She shakes her head. “You’re just saying that because you’re hurt, Kai.”

I walk further, pin her into the concrete, and put my hand above her head as the other one hugs her waist. My head finds its way to the crook of her neck, inhaling the addictive smell. “Does it matter?” I ask, placing a kiss on her skin, where goosebumps rise.

She croaks out a yes.

My hands roam all over her body, in her hair, gripping and tightening while I lose myself in her body. Her breasts bounce when I catch them, a moan leaving her lips when I unfold the dress and make my tongue trace a line on her skin. She shudders, her palm grabbing my hair.

“Make me forget,” I tell her and lift my head to meet her mouth. She hesitates before she gives me a nod. An approval. “Thank you,” I murmur before lashing onto her lips and getting a taste of them until they taste like myself, leaving nothing of her.

I grab her by the ass and lift her into my arms, her legs instantly wrapping around my torso, my hands getting rid of the straps on her shoulder, leaving her chest bare in front of my eyes. Our kiss breaks, and I suck on her nipple, her head falling back.

Because it feels like my body is on fire and not enough oxygen is getting to my brain with her in my arms, I walk away and drop her onto the bed, the mattress bouncing underneath her.

With rough movements, I fully undress her, her hot pussy glistening for me already. She doesn’t shy away but watches me in a way that has my skin prickling.

“It’s wrong to want you right now,” she tells me while I work on getting rid of my own clothes, the temperature in the room unbearable. “But I won’t let you take it from me like that, Kai.I can’t. Do what you want with my body, but don’t fuck me if you’re not going to make love to me.”

---