Page 84 of Papers Don't Lie

“What does that mean?” I manage to ask through the river of tears.

When he talks, he doesn’t turn to me and not because he doesn’t want to, but because he can’t. “With his last words, he told me he will die happy knowing I’m married to you. How can I be at peace when our marriage was never real?”

I know without a shadow of a doubt that if he were facing me when he said those words, he wouldn’t have been able to take them out of his mouth. Even so, it still breaks me.

Before he walks away, he addresses me one more time. “Freshen up. We’re leaving.”

"Freshen up," as if he knows how badly he hurt me. He did it willingly, and despite that, I’m the one who has to wipe the tears he caused.

The moment he’s out of my sight, I break in a sob, covering the sound with my palms—a sound I don’t recognize and I can’t take as my own. Something punctures my chest, scorning and taking out the beautiful memories of the past few months, replacing them with the ugliest feeling the heart can suffer from: pain.

Our marriage was never real.

Deep down I know that, but I’m also eighteen, experiencing my first moments next to a man who for a while was the perfect picture in my dream. Even if I restrained myself from loving him, that was an impossible mission when he bought me with what seemed like genuine feelings.

But now I know better.

After picking myself up from the floor and holding all the broken pieces in my arms, I walk downstairs with tears dried on my cheeks and blood in my chest. My chin is up when I walk past Kai, leaving him behind me.

The drive to the cemetery is silent, and I hope he’s enjoying it because this is how things are going to be between us from now on. I’ll move out of his room, preferably downstairs and far away from him, giving him what he wants—no touches, no conversations, no nose poking, nothing. In summary: he doesn’t want me.

He should consider it done.

We walk together through the gates, Kendrick a few steps behind us. We’re as cold as the cement under our feet is, not even once looking for each other or searching for some proximity. Quite the opposite. The distance between us grows bigger and bigger with each step we take to where our families and friends are.

Lacey notices us first, sitting up from the chair where she was wiping her tears with a napkin and running towards her brother. Kai gets onto his knees, almost falling on his back when his sister throws her hands around his neck. I give them a moment alone and get close to Tristan, Kiaran, and Ryker.

Kiaran puts a hand on my back, over the coat I chose to protect me not from the cold outside, but from the air winding inside me. He points his chin at Kai. “How is he?”

I take a deep breath, offering him a polite smile before staring down at my hands. “Terrible. He's refused to speak since, and when I tried to talk to him about it, he said some hurtful things.”

He sighs, threading a hand through his long and perfectly polished hair. Tristan steps a little closer to me, an expression full of pity on his face. “Try not to take it to heart, Esmeray. Yourfather dying in your arms can be traumatic. Just be there for him and show him that the mask he’s putting on doesn’t work on you.”

Ryker simply glances at me from the corner of his eyes, not uttering a word. I gulp and nod to Tristan before excusing myself.

Raven comes running to me, hugging me tightly to her chest, and as much as I like the familiar and warm feeling, if I stay another minute between her arms, I’ll let tears fall again. I break away, my vision already blurred. Her brows tighten in worry, one of her hands lifting to play with my hair.

“How are you?” she asks.

“Where are our parents?” I look around, searching for them, but they are nowhere to be found. When Rave’s shoulders drop, I already know the answer. “This is extremely disrespectful,” I mutter under my breath, my fingers curling into a fist.

“Relax.” Rave places her hand on top of mine. “It’s enough as long as you are next to him. He wants you by his side, Esme, not your family."

I crack a sarcastic laugh, watching Kai walk towards the microphone. “I assure you, he doesn’t.” And it’s like he hears me because his head snaps up, his eyes meeting mine.

Raven bites the inside of her cheek, shrugging. “I don’t know about you, but I’d say I’m right.”

When my attention turns to him again, his head is pointed at the pavement as he walks, his shoulders slumped in defeat. I quirk with regret at the selfishness I proved today, taking his words to heart instead of thinking he’s wounded and he’s just protecting himself.

My eyes fall onto my sister’s belly that’s growing by the day, and I can’t help but be deflated. I put a hand on her arm, stroking it. “Are you okay, Rave?”

She nods. “Better than I’ve ever been." Raven gives me a genuine smile, caressing her stomach in slow circles. “Now go be there for your husband.”

For one last time, I hug her and inhale her scent before hurrying to the place Kai is going to. There are chairs arranged on either side of mine, and I walk further to where the microphone is placed, making it there at the same time Kai does.

He’s surprised to see me.

I tilt my head to the side, hoping he can see my regret through my eyes. Kai watches me for a couple of seconds through his bloodshot eyes before he leans down to place a kiss on my forehead. I inhale deeply, sneaking my hand into his as he starts talking, sharing memories about his father. It’s impossible not to cry when he speaks so beautifully about a man who not long ago was taking a bite of my breakfast and ate only that since. I don’t know if he did that to make me feel better or because he truly liked it, but I appreciate it, nonetheless.

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