Page 132 of Two Marlboros

Harvey brought his face closer to mine. I thought he wanted to kiss me, and instinctively took half a step back.

“Hey, are you okay?”

How many questions was he asking? I wanted to get rid of him. Then my eye fell on the movies he had taken, and I got an idea on how to end that endless day quickly.

“Yes, I’m fine. Come on in.”

Harvey had brought “Scary movie” and “Meet the Parents”; I chose the latter. I pulled a package of popcorn out of the pantry and poured some into a small bowl, after which I joined Harvey on the couch right at the time of the opening credits.

I handed the bowl with the popcorn to Harvey, while I took my place on the couch, semi-reclining on him. His shoulder wasn’t much of a cushion, but it would serve the purpose.

“Have you seen this yet?” he asked.

“No, but it looks nice.”

It was actually funny. Ben Stiller was funny, and the gags made me laugh. But every now and then the TV became a lump again and the movie voices just background noise. I tried to close my eyelids and soon found comfort in that darkness.

“Are you asleep yet? I can hear it by the way you’re breathing, you know.”

I reopened my eyes and immediately chuckled. The thought that he knew me so well that he could recognize my breaths made my heart skip a beat. I thought about how I had heard him breathing the last few times. How did Harvey feel after snorting? I ate a couple more pieces of popcorn to appease that gnawing in my stomach.

I watched a few more minutes of the movie and continued to find it likable. And again, the lump and background noise appeared. I closed my eyes again. There was the conversation with my mother. There was my father’s indifference. There was the goodbye I had not given Jimmy. There was me incapable of reacting. Or maybe just incapable.

An abrupt movement made my eyes go wide. I blinked a couple of times, but it was just Harvey rearranging himself on the couch.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Harvey grabbed the remote control and turned the TV volume down a bit. I didn’t respond.

“I can tell you’re weird. Messing with your dad?”

I sighed. Maybe a little too loud, judging by the look on Harvey’s face, like he was thinkingI knew it!!!Yeah, he knew everything. Maybe it had only taken him watching the grimace on my face to understand what was going on in my head.

“I don’t feel like talking about it.”

Harvey huffed, then picked up the remote control again and paused the movie. That gesture unnerved me, since the onlyreason I had let him in was just so I could fall asleep, certainly not to talk to him.

“You wasted your time with your father again, you don’t need to tell me. But what did I tell you last time too? Forget about him, he’s not worth it.”

“Are you lecturing me?”

Harvey took a handful of popcorn from the small bowl I had given him and arranged it on his palm.

“I’m just telling you what’s best for you.”

It took a split second for my impatience with him to spurt past the point of no return.

“Fuck you.”

He in response shrugged and began shoving popcorn into his mouth. I grabbed the remote and restarted the movie, even though I couldn’t concentrate. Truth be told, I couldn’t do anything, not even think; all I knew was that inside I had a vice that was consuming me and tearing me apart like a meat grinder. And I also knew that I did not want to go back to sleeping on Harvey.

I therefore settled my head on the headrest, crossed my arms, and hoped that sleep would come soon. The stigma towards Harvey made the task more complicated, but not impossible. I let my eyelids close and let the background of voices and music lull me to sleep.

A sudden silence made me open my eyes. I turned to Harvey, who turned off the TV. How much time had passed? Maybe the movie was over. He approached me with a smirk that didn’t quite suit me.

“So, what’s up?”

I rubbed my eyes, which I was beginning to feel more and more tired.

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