Page 119 of Reputation (Tempt)

“Outside somewhere. Maybe at one of the Huxley Grand hotels, but not the LA one,” I said, seeing it all come together in my mind. Nate standing at the end of the aisle. His eyes on me as I walked toward him. “Somewhere warm but not hot. Luxurious and elegant but still…welcoming. Like Morocco,” I blurted the first place that had come to me. It was never going to happen, so what did it even matter?

“Would you want two dresses? One for the ceremony and another for the reception?”

“Yes,” Kendall said, nudging me with her shoulder.

I laughed. “Yeah. She’s right.”

“Okay. Let’s focus on the ceremony one first,” Jay said, and Kendall returned to her rack just as the house alarm chimed.

Knox shuffled in, covering his eyes with his hand. “Hey, everyone. Just pretend I’m not here.”

“Knox,” Kendall chided. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“I know. I’m sorry,mi cielo.” I melted at the way he called her “my heaven” in Spanish. He adored my best friend. “I forgot my laptop.”

“I’ll get it, Uncle Knox!” Brooklyn said, jumping up from her seat and running down the hall to his office.

Kendall turned Knox so his back was to the living room and all the dresses. Knox wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. They were perfect together—partners in every sense of the term. Unlike Nate’s and my relationship, nothing about their love was fake. And I was so happy for them, even if it was another painful reminder that nothing about my future was settled.

The bridge of my nose stung, so I turned away and made a show of looking at the dresses. All the while, I tried to ignore the doubts plaguing me. Nate and I had never discussed the future. We’d been so focused on getting through my competition and the custody hearing and everything else. But I kept wondering what would happen after the hearing? After we’d satisfied the terms of our contract. What, then?

I was too afraid to ask.

Knox soon left. Papa J and Astrid joined me, while Kendall’s mom and Brooklyn stood with her.

“Dad couldn’t make it?” I asked, wanting to know if Dad’s disapproval of my engagement was as obvious to everyone else.

Papa J’s and Astrid’s faces flashed with concern before they quickly smoothed their features into smiles. My stomach clenched.

“You know fashion is my thing, not Dad’s,” Papa J said.

“Can you even imagine?” Astrid laughed, though it sounded strained. “Dad would hate sitting through this.”

I had a feeling that had more to do with the groom than anything else. Dad might have attended the engagement party, but I doubted he’d changed his mind about my relationship with Nate.

“These are stunning,” Papa J said, and I got the impression he was trying to distract me. “You should try this one.”

I nodded. It was a beautiful gown, but every time I looked at the beaded designs, my eyes grew watery and my chest tight. Nate might love me, but he didn’t want to get married. Was I really willing to give up what I wanted most to be with him?

It wasn’t like I expected him to propose for real—it was a little premature for that. But I wanted to know if it was even a possibility. If he would even consider the idea of marriage and a baby. I had a feeling I already knew the answer. And since that answer was no, I didn’t know how I was going to make it through this without crying.

“Hey,” Papa J said in a quiet tone, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just—” I forced myself to smile. “I can’t believe I’m trying on wedding gowns.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Papa J said, pulling me into his arms. “And I’m happy to share in this special day.”

My heart thudded painfully, and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of guilt. My family was getting invested in this relationship. Hell, Papa J had already been talking about plans for next Christmas. And Brooklyn kept calling him Grandpa, and Astrid Auntie. And he loved it. They all did.

Suddenly, everything felt like both too much and not enough. I mean, how would they feel if they knew that we were only pretending to be engaged? That the ring on my finger was a lie. Nate said he loved me, but our relationship was still defined—bound—by a contract.

“I think this is a good start,” Jay said while one of his assistants carried the gowns to the first-floor guest room.

While Kendall and I changed, Jay waited in the hall in case we needed any assistance. I put on the first one, and it was beautiful. But I couldn’t breathe. It was too tight; not just the dress—that feeling in my chest.

Oh my god. What am I doing?

It was one thing to pretend to be engaged. It was another to fall in love with my fake fiancé. And yet another towantto follow through with the wedding, when I was pretty sure Nate never wanted to marry again.

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