Page 120 of Reputation (Tempt)

I started clawing at the zipper, desperately trying to get out of the dress.

“Em, what’s wrong?” Kendall asked.

“I can’t—” I tugged on the fabric, my skin growing hot and tight and itchy. “I need to. Get this off. I can’t get…” I grunted, afraid I was going to have another reaction like the one that had landed me in the hospital. “Breathe.”

“Hey.” She placed her hand on my arm. “Try to stay calm. Wewillget you out, even if I have to cut the dress myself.”

That only drove my anxiety higher, and none of my mental exercises were working.

Kendall finally had to call Jay in. The two of them got me out of the dress. Jay asked if something like this had ever happened before. And then he’d whispered something about a panic attack after Kendall had suggested calling for a doctor.

I sank to the floor in a puddle of tulle and sequins. I was still panting as I clutched the dress to my chest.

“Breathe,” Kendall said in a calm tone. “Just breathe, Emmy.”

I took deep, slow breaths, trying to harness the strength of my alter ego. She was a badass—calm, cool, in control. She always wore the perfect red lipstick and a sleeve of tattoos that looked like a maze of thorns with roses woven throughout.

I kept imagining her, channeling her, until my vision was no longer spotty. Until my heart wasn’t racing. But I was exhausted—emotionally and physically wrung out.

The lies, the media attention, my upcoming competition, the custody battle, all of it was wearing on me. It was wearing me out.

Jay returned with some water and then shut the door after he’d left.

Kendall sat next to me and took my hand in hers. “Emmy,” she said, and I could feel her watching me with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just…” I sighed, so damn tempted to tell her everything. But I couldn’t. Not when the hearing was so close and the risk was too high. Hell, part of me worried that my meltdown would lead to even more speculation about my relationship with Nate. And that was the last thing we needed right now. “I’m overwhelmed.”

“You want to talk about it?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” I admitted.

“That’s understandable. You’ve had a lot going on.”

She had no idea. But only because I hadn’t told her. Icouldn’ttell her.

“But I hope you know,” she continued, “that no matter what happens, I’m always here for you.”

“Thanks, Kendall,” I said, appreciating it more than she could know. I sensed she was waiting for me to tell her something more. To explain my freak-out.

I settled for something that was true. “I never realized how exhausting it would be to live in the spotlight.”

Her smile was sympathetic. “I’m sure it is. That’s why, when Jay offered to bring the dresses here, I asked him to bring some for you. I’m sorry if this wasn’t how you wanted to try on wedding gowns. I just thought it would be something fun and relaxing to do together.”

At those words, I started to cry. My best friend had done something so thoughtful, and I was ruining everything. Not just her surprise, but herday.

“Hey.” She rubbed circles on my back. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Is it?” I asked, my voice cracking. “I’m a terrible maid of honor.”

“Em.” She placed her hand on my shoulder. “You’re a great maid of honor, and an even better friend.”

“Thanks,” I sniffled. “But I’m worried. It’s just…” My exhale was shaky. “Everything’s changing. You’re getting married.”

“You’regetting married and becoming a bonus mom,” she said with a kind smile, but I tried to gloss over that.

“You’rebecoming a bonus mom,” I teased.

“Ugh.” She shuddered. “I don’t want to think about the fact that my ex will technically be my stepson.”

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