Page 53 of Untether

‘Not a good idea,’ I tell her with a quick shake of my head. ‘Let’s do it the following week.’

She twiddles her pen between her fingers so it drums a steady beat against her notepad. The interviewer with a nose for the barest hint of a redirect. ‘And why not?’

‘Because it’s a fuck-fest. It’s basically one giant orgy, and no offence, but you’d be way out of your depth.’

She cocks her head. ‘Is that so? What if the reporter in me wants to see the club in full swing?’

‘You can see the club in full swing anytime you want,’ I tell her. ‘Just say the word. But if you’re suggesting we should be… together that evening, then I promise you, that’s a terrible idea.’

‘It really is an amazing evening, though,’ Maddy chips in unhelpfully. ‘The masks are sooo gorgeous. And no one’s allowed to take them off in the main Playroom, so it’s really hot. You should definitely come and see it—I for one think it’d be a great first experience at the club.’

‘I agree with Mads,’ Gen says before I can reiterate my utter opposition to this crazy idea. ‘It really is spectacular—like a carnal Cirque de Soleil, if you like. We have amazing performers, too. It always feels quite magical.’

‘Could we film the performances?’ Aida asks.

‘Possibly,’ Gen muses at the same time as I say, ‘Categorically not.’

‘We might be able to get a small crew in before the doors open to everyone else,’ Rafe suggests. ‘Presumably you only need some brief footage to set the scene.’

‘Exactly,’ Aida says. She shifts on the sofa and turns her body towards me, her hand going to rest on my forearm. ‘Think of it with a producer’s hat on, Cal. If it really is this carnal circus, like Gen says, then what a perfect way to introduce Alchemy in full swing.

‘And if it’s a daunting atmosphere, then all the better. It’ll seriously amp up the tension for the audience if they feel like I’m being let loose at a total meat market. They’ll feel like I’m the gladiator and they’re the crowd, baying for my blood.’

‘Jesus Christ,’ I say, feeling the blood drain from my face. ‘That all sounds a bit extreme. I can’t protect you properly in that scenario.’ I lower my voice so the entire room isn’t privy to my plans for our first proper fuck. ‘I want this to be relaxing for you, you know? I want us to be able to take it slow if you need that.’

‘You’re so sweet,’ she says, and I could swear I see amusement in those dark, expressive eyes, ‘but we did relaxation already. And it was wonderful. You’re right, obviously. It sounds like a lot, but I can’t turn down the chance for that sense of theatre. Put it this way: it’ll make for far better television than me “popping in” for a cosy mid-morning fuck. It’ll probably be far sexier, too. And you and I both know it.’

34

AIDA

“Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.”

—Milton,Paradise Lost

Okay, so I am fucking terrified.

I committed a huge own goal when I put my producer hat on over my real hat, which is that of a forty-something woman who’s seriously out of practice. I chose theatre over security.

The problem is, I couldn’t resist the lure of the spectacle that is the Alchemy Masked Ball. If we can pull off the footage we need in the crazy tight time constraints we have, it’ll provide the perfect carnal backdrop for my coming of age story.

It could be the high point in my on-camera story arc.

Because what could be more alluring than this intrepid middle-aged adventurer stumbling upon the ultimate bacchanalian orgy?Paradise Found, indeed. It’s the mic-dropmoment the production team and I have been searching for, and it’s fallen into our laps.

I partnered with Alchemy for a reason that had less to do with its overall offering and more to do with the seemingly safe confines of the Unfurl programme. But the deeper I get, the more the filmmaker in me wants to push the boundaries.

If we’re pursuing a story about sexuality, doesn’t it follow that Alchemy is a natural climax for that story?

And if I’m exploring my sexual hopes and dreams and possibly, just possibly, giving air to my darkest, most carefully hidden fantasies, doesn’t it follow that keeping things nice and safe and choreographed with Cal might not be the apex of my adventure? That participating, even in the most marginal way, in a full-on orgy might?

I always knew my story would unfold chapter by chapter as I set out to tell it. I was aware that I didn’t know the ending. I still don’t, obviously.

But I know a damn good climax when I see one. Pun intended. And if I’m gonna do this insane thing and put myself out there on television, I’m gonna fuckingdoit.

I stand by all of the above. Unfortunately, none of it does anything to make me feel like less of a sacrificial lamb. Weirdly, the only thing that really gives me courage is Cal. The same Cal who’s asked me a couple times since that team meeting to reconsider. The Cal who seems stressed as hell that our first time naked together will be at the kind of event he clearly lives for.

Because I have a feeling about this guy. About this beautiful, funny, generous, thoughtful man who I know is only showing me a part of himself. He’s been in mentor mode, and he’s smashed it, and I’m deeply grateful for the care and consideration he’s shown me so far.

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