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I nodded mutely. He closed the door. I could hear him moving things around. Was that the sound of him wheeling the body somewhere? I wondered how he would get rid of it.

All of my system was in shock. I couldn’t feel anything. There was a buzzing in my ears. I stared at my feet. The broken shards from the glass globe were swept up in a neat pile in the middle of the floor along with the little plastic pieces. He hadn’t thrown any of it away yet.

Minutes passed. Then the door opened again. Rien’s hands were clean but there was blood on his shirt, a dark stain near his heart.

“It’s okay now,” he said.

“There’s blood on your shirt.” I pointed to his chest.

He immediately unbuttoned his shirt and turned to go back into the other room. I heard the sink running. When he came back, he was wearing a new shirt, crisp and clean.

“Better?” he asked.

I nodded. He walked over to me and put his arm around my shoulders as though I was a fragile piece of glass. Despite myself, I leaned into his embrace.

“Do you want me to take you home?” he asked.

“I… I don’t know.”

“Do you want to leave?”

I opened my mouth, but no answer came out.

“You don’t have to leave, Sara,” Rien said.

“It’s just… there’s nobody I can talk to about this,” I said, my voice catching in my throat. My skin burned. I had nobody to talk to outside of here. My mother didn’t know anything about me. Neither did my sister. I’d kept my life a secret from them. I’d kept my true self hidden away for so long that there was nobody left to share it with.

“You can stay for as long as you want.”

Stay? Stay? What was I thinking?But every part of my being longed to stay here, with him. In this moment, he was a comfort. A known danger. And, heaven forgive me, he looked at me like he wanted me to stay.

“I feel like I’m going insane,” I said. “Am I going insane?”

“No, you’re not. The first time… it’s hard.”

I began to cry, hiccuping back my sobs. Rien held out a handkerchief and kept his arm tight around me as I sobbed into the white cotton square.

“It’s alright,” he said. His hand rubbed my back, and oh! I wanted to melt into his warm strong palm. I wanted to melt away completely. The image of blood filled my mind and I struggled to fight it. There was so much blood. I clutched the handkerchief to my face as I cried and cried and leaned into him.

“I did it,” I moaned.

“It’s alright.”

“I did it. I killed him.”

“He had to die. One way or another, he would have died.”

“But…”

“I’m not going to tell you not to feel bad about it. You’ll feel however you want to. You’re the one who killed him.”

Killed him. Killed him. Killed him.

“Sara, listen to me.”

I snapped back to attention. Rien’s eyes settled on mine, searching.

“What are you looking for?” I asked.

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