Page 83 of Mine

“I’m not sure.”

“I’m a murderer now. Do I look different?”

He shook his head sadly.

“You did what you had to do, Sara.”

“I couldn’t— I couldn’t—” I choked on my sobs. My body collapsed against his and he held me so tightly that it didn’t matter that I was falling.

“What is it?” he whispered. His arms felt warm around my shoulders, his chest broad and sturdy. I leaned against him and let my tears fall. My fingers twined blindly around his, and he kissed the tops of my knuckles. My cheeks were hot and wet and I could barely get the words out.

“I couldn’t… watch you die.”

Rien

She stayed to talk. I put another log on the fire, and we sat on the rug together in front of the flames. She cried. I held her. As the flames burned down, her eyelids fluttered, drooping.

“I can’t fall asleep,” she said.

“Is it because you’re not in bed? ”

“No. I feel like if I fall asleep, something terrible is going to happen. I’ll wake up and everything will start all over again from the beginning.” She looked down at her right hand, the one she’d killed Mr. Steadhill with. Her fingers flexed.

“I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I know,” she said. “I still worry. Would you…”

“Yes?”

“Would you inject me with a sleeping sedative?”

I raised my eyebrows.

“I thought you were afraid of needles.”

“I was. I’m not anymore.”

“No?”

“Maybe I am, but sometimes you have to do what has to be done.”

“Is that right?” I asked, squeezing her on the arm.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “That’s right. I just want it to go away, Rien. Just for a while.”

“Then let me carry you to bed, and I’ll inject you with whatever horse tranquilizer it takes to chase the bad dreams away.”

“Alright,” she said. She yawned when I picked her up, her eyelids drooping shut. Her head knocked against my chest as I walked, her hand clutching my bicep. And by the time I rested her head against the pillow, she was already sound asleep.

Sara

The next day, I woke up in an empty bed. Rien was gone. I wandered around the house, but he wasn’t anywhere. I went to the front door and tried the knob.

Unlocked.

The door swung open, and I squinted into the brightness of the Los Angeles sunshine. I could hear the roar of the freeway in the distance.

I closed the door.

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