Page 55 of XOXO

“I should go,” I say when Jaewoo starts to follow. At my voice, he turns to look at me. “I can just slip out the back.”

“There are too many people outside,” Jaewoo says, a frown edging his lips.

“It’s fine,” I say. “I’m used to disappearing into crowds.” Wow, that sounds dramatic. “I mean, I’m used to crowds. Like in general.” I take a step back. “I’ll just... see myself out.”

As I turn, Jaewoo grabs my wrist.

Across the lobby, the boys in the other group have all quieted, staring.

“What are youdoing?” I hiss.

“I’ll worry if you go out there,” he says.

I gape at him. There’s a reckless, stubborn look in his eye.

“Jenny, Jaewoo!” Ji Seok barks and I jump, eyes wide. He points a finger at me. “You can leave once the show starts and the crowd’s dispersed. Now, come on!”

We hurry forward, Jaewoo dropping my wrist.

Past the unmarked door is a hallway crowded with idols, backup dancers, stylists, makeup artists, managers, production assistants, and a ton of other people whose purpose I’m unclear on, but who look stressed out enough to belong here. As we pass by different idol groups, they either bow to Jaewoo or vice versa. I know from Gi Taek’s K-pop lesson 101 that there’s a hierarchy between idols depending on who debuted first, and I follow Jaewoo’s lead, bowing like I’m part of his entourage.

Ji Seok leads us to a dressing room with a sign on the door that reads: XOXO. He opens the door without knocking. Inside, Youngmin swivels on a chair in front of a mounted wall TV, while Nathaniel is playing with a baseball, throwing it inthe air and catching it, and Sun is reading a book. All three look up at our entrance.

“Jenny-nuna!” Youngmin says, jumping out of his chair. “What are you doing here? Have you come to watch us perform?”

Nathaniel grins, standing. “Oh, who’s this? Have you brought us a new backup dancer?”

“Har, har, very funny,” I say.

Sun closes his book with a snap.

“Why are none of you dressed?” Ji Seok groans, exacerbated. “Or at least in makeup?”

“We were waiting for—” Nathaniel begins. Behind us the door bursts open and men and women carrying piles of clothing, accessories, and makeup kits rush in. Suddenly it’s chaos, Youngmin getting cornered by a stylist, a makeup artist chasing Nathaniel down, and Sun consulting calmly with a hairstylist. As for Jaewoo... our gazes meet. He makes a move toward me, but suddenly Ji Seok’s between us, pushing me out of the room.

“The boys need to get ready,” he tells me. “You can wait over here.” He starts shuffling me down the hall to a door that opens backstage. Loud music fills my ears, the floor seeming to thrum with it. “You can watch the performance from the wings. It’s the best seat in the house.” His phone then lights up and he scurries away, leaving me alone backstage during the middle of a full-blown K-pop show.

I watch through a monitor as an idol girl group dances in perfect synchronization, their voices smooth and dulcet. Thecamera pans to the audience. Someone must have let in the crowd that was waiting outside because the studio is packed. Dozens of boys, mostly, shout-sing along with the lyrics, holding up signs and soaking in the excitement of the performance.

After the girl group’s performance ends, the show goes to a commercial break. Several security guards rush into the crowd, ushering out the people standing in the front and letting in new people. As I observe, I realize what’s happening. Though the main audience seated in the stadium remains the same, the people standing in front of the stage changes depending on the idol group they support. The group entering the roped off area now have with them a banner with the words Kiss and Hug Club written across. All of them are gripping lightsticks shaped like either anXor anO, and a few hold signs with the members’ names written on the front. Jaewoo. Sun. Youngmin. And Jihyuk, which I know is Nathaniel’s Korean name.

There’s a shift in the noise backstage and I look over to see the members of XOXO, Sun leading, and then Nathaniel and Youngmin.

They look incredible. Their stage outfits can only be described as post-apocalyptic chic, artfully ripped designer wear, their hair seemingly wind-tossed—well, not Sun. Sun’s long hair is impeccably straight.

And then I see Jaewoo.

Somehow, in the span of a few minutes, he’s transformed from a handsome high-school boy to an alarmingly attractive K-pop star.

He’s in all black, a silky, ripped top and tight-fitting pants. His hairstylist has managed to give his dark tresses a sort of wet appearance, as if he’s stepped in from the rain. His eyes, as they meet mine, seem darker than usual—or is it the makeup?

Sun walks by without acknowledging me, but Youngmin grins and waves, doing the heart sign with his fingers.

Nathaniel pauses to say, “Wish me luck.”

And I answer, “Break a leg.”

Then Jaewoo’s in front of me.

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