Page 56 of XOXO

“Will you stay?” he asks. “Until after the performance. There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Before I can answer, he’s being called onstage. I watch as he moves to the front of the formation.

Then the stage lights go on and the music begins.

Twenty-Three

At the beginning of the song, the fans chant each member of XOXO’s names. Oh Sun. Lee Jihyuk. Bae Jaewoo. Choi Youngmin. It sets the mood and the boys give a spectacular performance.

Afterward, the rest of the idols who performed earlier make their way to the stage. It’s getting crowded where I am, so I go in search of a quiet area to view the show’s awards ceremony. I wind up in XOXO’s dressing room, after remembering the TV there. Sitting on Sun’s couch, I pick up the baseball Nathaniel had been playing catch with earlier and click on the monitor. Two MCs with a bouquet of flowers and a crystal award walk over from where they’d been hosting the show from a separate area of the studio. They approach XOXO and the rest of the idols.

“Wow, what a great performance by XOXO!” the boy announcer says.

“Right, Seojun-ssi?” the girl concurs. “Maybe they’ll have their first win this week!”

“We’ll find out soon! It’s time to tally up the votes.”

On the monitor, a graphic appears showing the three idol groups in contention to win the award.

“Who will take first place this week?” the boy announcer says.

I stand up, holding the ball tight.

The numbers tallying up the votes begin to spin upward, presumably measuring how well the single performed on digital charts and social media, as well as album sales and real-time voting.

“And the winner is...” the girl says.

The numbers suddenly stop, with the highest number belonging to...

“XOXO!” The two MCs shout together and I scream, accidentally releasing the ball, which goes flying across the room and behind a rack of clothes.

As confetti cannons explode onto the stage, I head over to the rack, getting down on my hands and knees.

Still, I’m beaming. I’m so happy for them! What did the female MC say before?This is their first win. I can hear Sun accepting the award on behalf of XOXO, thanking their fans and families for supporting them.

The door to the dressing room opens. Voices flood in, drowning out Sun’s on the television. I’m about to pop out from behind the rack like a ghoul when one of the voices says, “Did you see that girl with Jaewoo?”

“Nathaniel says she’s a classmate of his,” another voice answers. “From his high school.”

I press my back against the wall and peek around the rack. Two of XOXO’s stylists are in the room, cleaning up their stations.

“Tonight was the boys’ first win. This is probably the most important time in their career. If they can keep the momentum going, they could be huge global stars. They can’t afford another scandal. They almost didn’t come back from that last one.”

There’s a brief silence, then the other murmurs in agreement.

“She could ruin everything.”

Once the stylists pack up their things and leave, I’m quick to follow. Outside the station, the crowd from the audience is making their way to the subway. I join them, blending in. Reaching into my jacket pocket, I wrap my hand around the ball, which I totally stole from Nathaniel. Iwillgive it back. Eventually. I just need something to hold onto right now.

I think I understand now why Jaewoo left that day after my cello performance. Because he realized that our lives are too different. Not just that he’s an idol, though seeing him now perform on stage, hearing his name cried out by his fans, the circumstances of his life are so extraordinary as to seem unreal. But it is real, the success of his band and all the people whose livelihoods depend on them, as are the consequences.She could ruin everything.

Seeing the light of the subway exit up ahead, I hurry forward.

A hand grabs my shoulder, twisting me around.

I look up into Jaewoo’s face.

He’s wearing a ball cap that shadows his eyes, and a cloth mask over his nose and mouth.

---