Page 40 of Deny Me

Sixteen

The next morning, I woke up before he did. I laid in the warmth of his arms, staring at the man I had known for the past ten years, and felt like I was seeing him for the first time. His furrowed brows, even in sleep, held a deeper story. The laugh lines and crow’s feet were that much more admirable knowing how hard it must have been to laugh in his life.

Staring at his face was too much. The swelling emotions from the previous night pressed down on my heart again. Needing to distance myself from him, I pulled back and grabbed my sketchbook, and sat on the patio, watching the waves, occasionally peeking back into the room to admire the way his long legs pushed the covers away, exposing his tight ass.

I let my fingers flow, listening to the scrape of the pencil on the thick paper, not sure what I was producing, but letting my emotions guide me. About half way through, I saw another wedding dress taking shape. I stared at it, hoping it would give me answers to the confusion the week had caused. I’d never been with a man for a week. When I factored in the past that Jameson and I shared, the chaos within me took on a whole new form.

It was so much more than I had expected. It was so much more than I wanted. My breathing increased, uncontrolled, coming in choppy pants. I closed my eyes against the sting of tears and put my hand to my chest, trying to calm the quick rise and fall. I couldn’t have Jameson wake up to find me mid-panic attack.

One tear fell, and I watched it mix with the marks on the page before it was absorbed into my drawing. I closed my eyes and took a deep inhale, letting the salty air fill my lungs. Focusing on the waves, I matched my breathing to their rise and fall, controlling it.

I didn’t have panic attacks over sleeping with men. I didn’t let feelings swell in my chest. I was in control. I made the decisions.

And I was making the decision to not feed into the emotions. Vacation was ending that day and I was going to get us shifted back to where were before we left. And to do that, I needed to act like the night before didn’t happen. I needed to bring back the flirtation and playfulness.

Deciding to put my plan in action, I made my way inside to enjoy the body that was now completely uncovered. I was going to enjoy my last day of sexcapades with Jamie-Boy and wake him up with my mouth on his dick.

* * *

I thought oncewe left the hotel it would be easier to deny Jameson. But when he upgraded us to first class on our flight home and slipped his hand under the blanket covering my lap, I decided just one more time and parted my legs, giving him access. By some act of God, I managed to hold back my moans when he pressed his thumb to my clit and set me off. When he brought his fingers to his lips, licking them clean, I would have given anything to be able to climb on top of him and let the whole plane watch me claim him as my own.

But as soon as the thought surfaced, I shut it down. Jameson wasn’t mine. I didn’t want him or anyone but myself. I didn’t need anyone but me.

I seemed to be the only one aware of the need for space, because as soon as we departed the plane, he grabbed my hand as we walked to get our bags, and then again out to our cars. I told myself to pull away, but I left my hand in his, liking the warmth and the way his big hand swallowed my smaller one. I reasoned that I didn’t want to pull away and make things awkward in the airport.

He hefted my bag into my trunk for me. “You don’t have to do that, Jameson.”

He looked at me over his shoulder with flattened lips, rearranging my bag in the trunk. “I know I don’t. But I want to.” He turned to face me, bringing his hand to brush strands off my cheek. “I know you can take care of yourself. Just…” his eyes were so soft and filled with an adoration as he scanned my face. “Just let me help you.”

I was about to open my mouth and tell him I didn’t need his help. I was. Really.

But instead he lowered and placed his lips against mine. Just pressing gently before dragging his tongue across my bottom lip. I crumbled under the slow seduction and opened my mouth, letting him guide the kiss. It was lazy, filled with more passion than some of our heavier ones. He pulled away and my eyes remained closed, relishing the way he could put so much into something so little.

“I’ll call you later. Okay?”

Still in a haze from his lips on mine, I nodded, not thinking. He gave me on more chaste kiss and walked away, leaving me standing there watching his broad, sex

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