Page 33 of Searching for Nova

I shake my head. “I don’t want to do this. Let’s just go.”

He pulls me into his arms, hugging me against his chest. “It’s hard for me too. I didn’t think it would be, but then we got here and it’s like we were right back there.”

“We can’t do this, Sean,” I say, looking up at him. “Maybe you can, but I can’t. I’ve put that part of my life behind me.”

“I have too, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you.” He’s looking at me differently than he did at dinner. It’s more the way you’d look at a girl you like, not just as a friend. “Can we go sit down? We won’t go on the swings. We can sit on a bench. I’m just not ready to take you home yet.”

I shouldn’t agree to it, but I do, because I’m not ready to leave him. If this is our last night together, I want every minute I have left with him.

We find a bench near the tennis courts and sit down, both of us gazing at the ground.

“I have so much I want to say to you.” Easton shakes his head. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” I grip the edge of the bench and lean forward, feeling sick to my stomach, either from eating too much or from knowing I have to say goodbye to him soon. I think it’s more about saying goodbye.

“I want to say it. I need to. But not now. There’s not enough time. And I’m not sure I’m ready to.”

Now I’m wondering what it is he wants to say. He should just say it because this might be his only chance. I’m about to tell him that, but then he turns to me, looking even more serious than he did just a moment ago.

“For now I’ll just say this.” He pauses, looking at me with his deep brown eyes. “I haven’t felt this way in a really long time.”

“What way?” I look back at him, my heart beating faster.

“Like me. Sean. The guy you used to know.”

“It’s just old memories coming back. I’m the only who knew you back then so it makes sense you’d—”

“It’s not just that.” His hand reaches up to the side of my face, his eyes locked on mine. “When I’m with you, I feel like I’m who I should really be. I know it sounds stupid and probably doesn’t make sense, but if you knew me, the me I am now, you’d understand.” His gaze lowers to my mouth, and I feel my heart going even faster. “You are so beautiful, Nova. I thought you were pretty back then, but now…” He doesn’t finish his thought. He just looks at me, like he’s about to do something he shouldn’t.

But I want him to, because I’m just as curious as he is. I want to know what it’d be like. Just once. Just one kiss from the only guy I ever really loved.

Turning to face him, I lean forward just the slightest bit. He gives me a look like he’s warning me, telling me to stop him before it’s too late. But I don’t. There’s this pull between us, like a magnetic force drawing us together. Even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to stop this.

Keeping his hand on the side of my face, Easton leans in and presses his lips to mine. They’re warm, almost hot, compared to the cool night air. It sends a shiver down me that’s so strong I grab hold of his shirt. His arm goes around my waist and he slides me closer, his mouth moving softly over mine. I feel the tip of his tongue slide over my lips. They instantly part and he takes the kiss deeper. Sparks fire off inside me. My body fills with warmth. Those tingles I felt earlier return, even stronger than before. I’ve never felt this much pleasure from just a single kiss.

I hear myself moaning and try to stop, but can’t seem to do it. Easton lifts me up onto his lap, still kissing me as his hand slides down my side, lightly brushing my breast. My heart’s beating so fast I have to break from his lips to take a breath.

“Fuck,” Easton whispers.

My eyes open and I see his head is down.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I shouldn’t be doing this.”

“You have a girlfriend,” I say, suddenly remembering that. I try to move off him, but he holds me in place.

“That’s not why. Paris and I are over, or we will be soon.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I wanted to get to know you again. To be friends. I wasn’t supposed to kiss you.”

“Then why did you?”

He doesn’t answer. His gaze keeps moving from my eyes to my lips, like he’s trying really hard not to kiss me again. I wish he would. I’ve never had a kiss like that, and after tonight, I may never again.

“I wanted you to do it,” I say. “Just to see.”

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