Page 34 of Searching for Nova

“See what?”

“What it’d be like.” I look down. “I don’t regret it. Do you?”

“Kind of. I want you to trust me, and you won’t if you think I’m just trying to get laid.”

I smile. “I didn’t think that. It was just a kiss. And I’m sure it’s not that difficult for you to get laid. I bet girls are lining up for a chance with you.”

He smiles back. “Why do you say that?”

“Look at you.” I glance down at his body. “You can’t tell me girls aren’t constantly trying to get with that.”

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change what I said about you and me. I don’t want you thinking I’m only hanging out with you to—”

“I know. And I didn’t think that.” I get off his lap and sit beside him. “It was just a kiss. You don’t have to get all serious about it.” I laugh a little to hide the fact that it wasn’t just a kiss. It was so much more. But it ends here. Tonight. I can’t see him again.

He’s looking at me, but I don’t look back. I feel like he’s about to give me this long speech about how he wants to keep seeing me and wants to rebuild our friendship, both things I’m not interested in.

“We should go,” I say, getting up. “It’s getting dark and I need to get home.”

“Yeah, okay,” he says, following me to the Jeep.

On the drive back, he’s quiet and almost seems sad. I don’t ask him what’s wrong because I don’t want to know. We’re not friends, and we’re not going to be. It’s not what I want, and even if it was, Easton’s not good for me. He’ll bring me back to the past, back to the pain I’m trying to forget.

“Goodnight,” I say as he stops next to my building. I hurry out of the Jeep.

“Wait!” Easton yells, racing to catch up to me at the door. “When can I see you again?”

“Um, yeah, about that.” I chew on my lip, trying to figure out a nice way to say this, but there isn’t a nice way, so I just go with being direct. “I can’t see you anymore.”

“What?” He rears back. “Why?”

“I don’t have time. And I don’t think it’s a good idea. My life’s complicated enough. I don’t need to make it even more complicated.”

“Why would us being friends make it complicated?”

“Our past. All the memories. I don’t need to be going back to that time and reliving it. I’m trying to move past it, and seeing you again isn’t helping me with that.”

“I feel the same way, but I can work through it. I don’t want to stop seeing you. There’s a reason we found each other again. It wasn’t just a coincidence.”

“You’re reading too much into it. We just ran into each other again. It doesn’t mean anything and it doesn’t mean we have to be friends.” I glance at the door. “I have to go. It was good seeing you again, Sean. I mean, Easton.”

He pulls me into his arms, holding me in a tight hug. “This isn’t the end,” he whispers. “It can’t be. I can’t lose you again.”

He didn’t lose me. He left me. I’m the one who lost my best friend. He went off with his new family and made new friends. And now he wants me back? It’s too late.

A part of me will always love Sean, but I keep that part hidden away. I want it to stay hidden, but that won’t happen if I keep seeing him. He’s the past, and he’s going to stay there.

10

Easton

“But Mom,”Jenna whines. “I can’t wear an old dress to winter formal.”

“It’s not old,” my mom says, passing me the platter of steaks. “You bought it last month and only wore it one time.”

“Yeah, to a dance,” Jenna says. “I can’t wear it again to another dance! People took pictures and posted them all over social media. You know how humiliated I’ll be if people post pics of me in the same dress?”

My dad sighs in frustration. “Just get a new dress, but keep it under $300.”

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