Page 69 of Searching for Nova

“What was the agreement?” I think I already know, but I don’t want it to be true.

“We um…” She takes a breath. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”

“You did stuff with him.”

She nods, keeping her head down like she’s ashamed to admit it.

“Nova, I’m not judging you. Talk to me. Tell me what happened.”

She moves out of my arms, sitting on the other side of the bench.

“You don’t want to tell me?”

She shrugs. “There’s not much to tell. He called when I was in the apartment and asked if I’d come over. I knew what he wanted and I didn’t want to do it. I told him that, and then I told him I want to go back to being friends, without the other stuff.”

“And what did he say?”

“That he doesn’t want that. He said I’m hard to be around, and that if we’re not going to do stuff, he doesn’t want me coming over.”

Okay, now I really want to kill him. He was just using her, and she let him. I get the feeling she doesn’t have many friends, and this asshole was pretending to be her friend just so he could fuck her. He probably thinks she’s so desperate for a friend that she’ll go running back to him, giving him sex in exchange for letting her come over.

“I really liked his mom,” Nova says. “She almost treated me like a daughter. I liked his whole family. Sometimes when I’d go over there, I’d pretend they really were my family.” She glances at me. “It’s stupid, I know, but sometimes I just… ” She wipes her eyes.

I move so I’m beside her and put my arm around her. “It’s not stupid.”

She rests her head on my chest, her eyes closing. I almost kiss her forehead again, but then stop myself.

“You know you deserve better than that, right?”

She looks up at me. “We don’t have to talk about this. Mateo and I are over. We’ve been over for a long time. I just wasn’t ready to end it tonight.”

“But you know he shouldn’t have treated you like that,” I say, because I’m not sure she does.

“Mateo was just going along with our agreement. I expected more from him than I should have.”

I’m pissed that she’s letting him off the hook like this. The guy used her, then tossed her aside, and she’s taking the blame.

“You expected him to be your friend,” I say, trying to sound calm even though I’m fuming, wanting to kick this guy’s ass. “It shouldn’t matter if you guys were doing stuff or not. He should still be your friend. And now he’s telling you you’re not? You should be pissed at this guy. You shouldn’t even talk to him anymore.”

“I’m not going to stop talking to him. Mateo and I used to be really good friends. We just grew apart. And when the friendship became something more, we didn’t hang out like we used to. We didn’t talk. Everything became about…” She keeps her head down, buried against my chest. She’s ashamed, but she shouldn’t be. She didn’t do anything wrong. That guy was just an asshole who took advantage of her need for a friend.

“Were there other guys?” I ask, although I’m not sure I want the answer. “Before this one?”

“I’ve had a few boyfriends, or guys I’ve dated. I wouldn’t really call them boyfriends. They’re more like guys I hung out with that ended up being more.”

“Why do you keep going out with guys like that?”

“Like what?”

“Guys who are just using you.”

“They weren’t using me,” she says, pulling away.

I keep my arm around her, not letting her go.

She relaxes into my side. “Okay, maybe they were, but all guys my age do.”

“No. They don’t.”

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