Page 70 of Searching for Nova

“I haven’t met one who isn’t like that.”

“There’s one sitting right next to you.”

I don’t know why I said that. It sounded like I’m trying to get her to date me, but I know that’s the last thing she wants. I don’t want that either, not that I haven’t considered it. She’s beautiful, and I love her. Even all these years later, I still love her. I loved her when we were kids, but I didn’t understand it then. It was more how you love a best friend. I still love her like that now, but I’m starting to love her a different way, the way you’d love a girl you’ve fallen for.

I promised myself that wouldn’t happen, that we’d only be friends, and I need to keep that promise. I can’t love her, and then leave her again, like I did before. She’d never forgive me, and I’d never forgive myself

“Then you’re the only one,” she says. “I’m sure your friends just use girls for sex, like that Jace guy. He seems like a player.”

“You’re right. He is, but I’m not.”

“Yeah? So?” She turns to look at me. “How does that help me? You have any friends who are like you?”

“I can’t think of any, but those guys are out there. I’m proof that they are.”

Nova rests her head on my shoulder. “I think you’d be a good boyfriend.”

“I am.”

“You’re definitely a good kisser.”

“You think so?” I casually say, but that comment, which I wasn’t at all expecting, has got my pulse racing.

“It’s the best kiss I’ve ever had.” She messes with the strings on her hoodie, avoiding my gaze as I stare down at her, shocked that she just admitted that.

“You must not have kissed many guys.”

“I’ve kissed a lot of guys. Like a LOT. I probably shouldn’t admit that, but it’s true.”

“And you thought I was the best?”

“Yeah,” she says as she continues to mess with the strings on her hoodie.

I shouldn’t do it. Nova and I are friends. We can’t be anything more. I’m leaving next fall. Going to college. She needs to be with someone else. Someone who cares about her as much I do. Someone who isn’t leaving.

Those are the thoughts racing through my head, but they’re overruled by my intense need to kiss her.

“Nova.” I lift her chin, tipping her face up to mine.

“What?” I hear her breaths speed up as she looks at me.

I lean down and kiss her, my lips barely brushing against hers, giving her a chance to back away. She doesn’t. Instead, she grabs hold of my shirt and kisses me back, a soft, hesitant kiss, like she, too, is fighting a battle in her head that’s telling her not to do this.

My hand wraps around the side of her face as I kiss her again, with more pressure this time. She turns to me and moves closer. I’m taking this slow, giving her every opportunity to end this, but she’s not, and so I keep going. I have no intention of stopping until she tells me to. I could kiss her all night. Hold her in my arms. Being with her feels so fucking right. It’s never felt like this with anyone but her.

She parts her lips and I take the kiss deeper, my tongue sliding over hers as she moans. I fucking love that sound. That soft, sexy moan of hers. She did it the last time we kissed and I haven’t been able to get that sound of out my head. I wanted to hear it again. I imagined all the things I could do to her to make that happen.

She moves over me, positioning herself on my lap. Fuck. She’s going to feel how hard I am and know how much she turns me on. But there’s nothing I can do. My cock’s been hard since she laid between my legs. Now her ass is on top of it, pressing down on it, making it want something it can’t have.

I need to end this. I need to stop kissing her. I need to move her off my lap. But I can’t do it. It feels too damn good, and too damn right. I’ve heard people say that when you’re with the right girl, the girl who’s meant for you, you’ll know, because it’ll feel right. I never knew what they meant until now. I felt this way the other night when we kissed, but I brushed it off, thinking it was just because she was familiar, someone from my past. But it’s more than that, and it scares me, because I’m not supposed to feel this way, not with Nova.

She takes my hand from around her face and lowers it to her waist, like she’s telling me I can touch her. I was trying not to, which is why I was keeping my hand on her face, but if she’s telling me I can do more… shit.

Her arms go around my neck and she lifts up a little, then sinks back down, her ass grinding against my cock. She’s pushing my self-control to the limit. How does she think this is going to end? Why isn’t she stopping it?

I slide my hand under her hoodie, under her t-shirt, until I feel her soft skin. Her body tenses, then relaxes, as I slide my hand up higher, up her chest to her bra. I feel for the clasp, hoping it’s in the front. It is, and I pop it open. She breaks from the kiss, breathing hard as I take her tit in my hand. I catch her eye and we lock gazes. The feelings I’m having are almost too intense. I really do love her. It’s not just feelings from the past. I loved her then, but I love her differently now, and it scares the shit out of me.

I think Nova feels the same way. I can see it when I look in her eyes. That look of fear mixed with confusion about why she’s having these feelings, why we’re doing this, and why we can’t stop.

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