Page 67 of Trust in the Fallen

LEIGHTON

This is like the nightmare I can’t wake up from.

Every morning my mother has some other wedding-related task for me, and every morning I contemplate whether this is a life I can actually live.

The small blessing is that I still haven’t seen Jason since I’ve been back.

I know that can’t last. I have to walk down the aisle tomorrow and see him at the other end. There was a blissful moment when I thought that wouldn’t be my life. I thought there was a chance I could have a future with the men I loved. Marriage may not have been an option, but we could have had a happy life. We could have loved each other, and maybe we could have even had a family. Our kids could have had two dads who loved them and would do anything for them, and I would have died knowing I’d lived a full life.

But that’s not how this story ends, and that’s just something I have to accept. Not all fairytales have happily ever afters.

“Are you listening, Leighton?” My mother scowls as she holds out the third hideous wedding dress of the morning.

I’m surprised I’m getting a say in this at all. I thought she would have chosen one for me, and I would have seen it for the first time not long before I walked down the aisle, but my mother has always been full of surprises.

“Yes, Mother.”

“So? What do you think of this one?”

“I hate it.”

She huffs out a sigh and puts it back on one of the four racks filled with white dresses that were shoved into my bedroom this morning. “You’re not being very helpful.”

“I agreed to go through with this. I never agreed to help the process along.”

She rolls her eyes and picks up another dress, this one marginally less hideous, but the high neckline and long satin sleeves make it an immediate no. “This one?”

“Are there any that don’t look like a marshmallow exploded during production?”

She turns on me, her eyes wide with surprise and anger. I never would have dared speak out against her before my time with Elias and Wyatt, but now it all seems irrelevant. “I don’t like who you’ve become since you’ve been back.”

I shrug and lean back against the chair I’m perched in. “That’ll happen when you drug, kidnap, and blackmail someone. Their attitude tends to change a tad.”

“You are not being blackmailed,” she huffs. “You are facing the consequences of your own mistakes. This is something you committed to a long time ago, I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of it.”

“Because Jason is already using me as a punching bag, Mother. He’s already cheating on me. He already doesn’t value the goddamn vows he’s going to make me tomorrow. That’s why I’m making a big deal out of it.” I eye the racks and pick out the only one I don’t completely loathe, a ballgown with a sweetheart neckline and a lace bodice. It’s really quite beautiful, too bad I’ll hate the thing for the rest of my life because of what it represents. “This one is fine.”

Before my mother can respond I get up and walk into the ensuite, quickly closing the door behind me. I may not be able to run very far, but I will not sit here and be told to be happy about marrying Jason when I never had a choice in the matter.

Night falls, but I don’t bother turning on any of the lights in the bedroom.

I stare out at the expansive yard, green from all the rain we’ve had in the last couple of months, dreaming of the life I could have had. The one Ialmosthad.

I wish we had more time. I wish I got to say a proper goodbye so I could tell them how much I love them. I wish we had a chance to see where things could have gone for us. Maybe things wouldn’t have worked. Maybe a relationship between three people is too much, and there’s a reason traditional relationships have just two. But I wish I could have found that out for myself.

But more than anything, I wish I could see them one last time. Even if it was from afar I would have the chance to commit every single inch of them to memory, where they’ll always live.

A tear falls against my cheek, followed by another, and then they fall freely, but I don’t bother wiping them away. What would be the point when they’ll just be replaced a second later?

The door opens without the courtesy of a knock, and I’m quickly reminded that even the illusion of privacy will be out of reach from here on out. At least until they trust I’m not going to run back to Elias and Wyatt, I imagine I’ll be locked up.

“Leighton?” Jason’s voice cuts through my chest like a knife, but I don’t turn around. I don’t want him to know how much this is affecting me. “I know you’re mad. I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry.”

“Until next time,” I whisper.

“There won’t be a next time,” he says adamantly, the door clicking closed behind him.

My stomach bottoms out at the thought of being locked in here with him, but then I remember as of tomorrow I’m his property, so what does it matter? If anything, he’s less likely to hurt me right now because of all the important people that will be in attendance at the wedding of the year tomorrow.

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