Page 78 of Ruined (The Knights of Ruin)

My uncle shook his head slowly. ‘You fucking idiot. Why did you leave her? And don’t give me that shit about protecting her.’

‘I had to.’ I could feel a muscle jumping in the side of my jaw. ‘I nearly beat to death the father of her child. What kind of role model does that make me for Annie? Fuck’s sake, Keep. Cat already ditched one violent asshole—she doesn’t need another.’

Again, Keep stayed silent. Then, after a while, he said, ‘You’re a lot of things, Smoke. But I didn’t think being a little bitch was one of them.’

My hands clenched into fists in the pockets of jeans, rage surging through me. ‘Sorry, Keep, but you say that again and, president or not, I’ll smash your goddamn face in.’

The bastard just laughed.

‘Oh, come on. Admit it. You’re not leaving Cat to protect her. You’re leaving her to protect your own worthless hide.’

The ground felt suddenly uneven under my feet, my gut lurching.

It’s true. You know it’s true.

No, it couldn’t be. I wasn’t that much of a fucking coward, was I?

Keep cocked his head. ‘What are you so afraid of? What do you think she’s going to do? Leave you? She’s been your friend for years. She knows all your skeletons and yet she’s still here.’

‘How can I be with her?’

I hadn’t meant to say it, but it came out all the same, raw as a gunshot wound.

‘I killed your fucking brother and I nearly killed Grant. I’m no good, Keep. You know it. I know it. Cat needs to know it, too.’

‘And you’re full of it. David earned his death and I don’t blame you for it—you know that. All I know about Cat is that you’ve been a good friend to her for over twenty years. You love her, and you love her kid, too, and I know you’d die to protect the both of them. What more needs to be said?’

He paused.

‘Whether she wants to be with you or not is her decision, and if she wants you—well, shit... Who are you to tell her she’s wrong? And don’t give me that crap about not loving her. Giving her up is killing you. I can see it in your face.’

My jaw ached—everything fucking ached.

‘I don’t deserve her.’ My voice didn’t even sound like mine. ‘She’s...everything I’m not.’

Keep sat forward and leaned his elbows on his desk. ‘Of course you don’t deserve her. That’s why you’re gonna spend every goddamn minute of your life making sure you do.’

I stared at him. My uncle, my president. The man who’d been more of a father to me than my own dad ever had been.

‘It’s not just Cat.’ The words were as rusty as old nails. ‘I screwed up with the club, too.’

Keep’s blue eyes were very direct. ‘What the fuck kind of club do you think I run? Think I’d let a piece of shit like Justin Grant take a good brother down?’ One corner of his mouth tilted up. ‘I’ve got your back, Smoke. You should know that.’

The raw, aching wound in my chest throbbed. ‘What I did is going to make—’

‘Leave me to deal with the club. You go deal with your woman. And for fuck’s sake do it quickly—because I can only imagine what your drama’s doing to her right now.’

I couldn’t move—just stood there frozen.

Of course the club had my back, and so did Keep. How had I forgotten that?

Like you forgot Cat had your back, too. She always did.

A hot, painful feeling shifted inside me. Shame. Remorse. For the way I’d walked out on her. For forgetting everything she’d done for me. For forgetting twenty-three fucking years of friendship.

Twenty-three fucking years of love.

Keep was right. I did love her. I loved her with everything in me. And I’d been as big a pussy as Justin to leave her the way I did. Because I was scared of how much I wanted her. Of how much she meant to me. Horribly afraid I wasn’t worthy of her and never would be.

Except there was no reason for me to be such a goddamn coward. Cat had never rejected me—not once. Not even in the terrible aftermath of Dad’s death. Every single time she’d been there for me when I needed her. Without judgement. Without criticism.

She loved me.

‘Even if you leave me, I’ll still be here for you. I’ll always be here for you...’

Her voice echoed in my head and the pain was more than I could bear.

‘Thanks, Keep,’ I said hoarsely. ‘I got to go.’

Keep sighed. ‘About fucking time.’

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