Page 103 of Voracious

Dad is glaring at me during visitation, at my bloodshot eyes and messy hair – the number of times I sniff and drop my head in my hands.

I tell him everything about Stacey and Jason. He shakes his head and hugs me, but I don’t feel anything. The numbness is returning, and the mental block falls fully into place.

I sent Stacey the clip of her fucking my brother in an anonymous email a few days ago. An immature move, but I needed her to see how much she fucked up.

When she responded by asking who I was, I blocked her.

Dad tries to calm me down by helping me set up five rules to keep me in check, all to do with Stacey. We write them down, and then he makes me repeat them out loud. Again and again and again. Until my eyes are watering with rage and the paper crumples in my fist.

Rule one:Stay away from your toxic ex-girlfriend.

Rule two:Don’t unblock her number.

Rule three:If you’re both in the same room, don’t fucking look at her – it’s a trap.

Rule four:Under no circumstances will you have any sexual interactions with her.

Rule five:Never forgive Stacey Rhodes.

In all fairness, he disagrees with most of them, but I’m holding to these rules – I’ll never break them. I’ll get them fucking tattooed into my skin if I have to.

“How do you feel now?”

I still love her, so all of this is fucking annoying. “I hate her,” I tell my dad as I sit opposite him at the picnic table. “I honestly hate her.”

“You don’t hate her, son. You’re just mad at her.”

I snap my head up to glare at him. “Did you not fucking hear what I said? She fucked Jason. She’s been fucking him for God knows how long.”

“Language,” he groans. “There must be a reason she’s acting this way. No one changes overnight. What did she say about it?”

“I didn’t want to hear whatever she had to say. She’s nothing but a slut to me.”

Dad slams his hand on the table between us, but I don’t flinch – I think I still have drugs in my system. “Do not speak about any woman that way. Ever.” When I stare at him in silence, he continues speaking. “You need to hear her out,Kade. If you love her, let her explain.”

I lose my patience and flip the table before he can finish his last word.

“That’s pretty fucking funny coming from you, don’t you think? You have the cheek to sit there and tell me how I should deal with my fucked-up relationship when you did nothing but destroy my mother.”

His eye twitches. “That’s enough.”

I shake my head, looking at him in disgust. “You’re a fucking lunatic, a waste of goddamn oxygen, and you’d be better off dead after what you put Mum through.”

I regret the words as soon as I say them, but my entire body is shaking, and I can’t take them back. I want toapologise, to sit down and lower my head – the fucking dickhead of a son who treats everyone like shit.

Dad stands slowly, his eyes red – lined with silver as fury builds on his face. “You’re right. Your mother deserves everything in life that doesn’t involve me.” A tear falls down his cheek. “I had no control of what I was—”

“That’s no goddamn excuse for what you did!”

“Son, plea—”

I walk away from him before he can finish, storming through the artificial park and swiping my card. When I reach reception, the woman on the desk tells me that I’m banned from visitations for three months forvandalisingproperty, and I tell her to go fuck herself.

Mum tries to call, but I ignore it. Four calls go unanswered, and I feel my chest tightening with each step. But I can’t stop. I can’t stop being mad.

My phone dings as I climb into Base’s car, the one his grandfather gave him earlier for accepting the business deal – him being overruled by his family as usual. I slam the door and drop my face into my hands.

“Um, you good?”

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