Page 39 of CHASE: Captive to the Dark

Chase’s hand slid around and he pressed his palm into my lower back, offering support. Holding me…steady.

“Answers come at the end. Continue.”

My head shook, even as the words were already forming on my tongue. How I could continue, I wasn’t sure. If anything, I almost couldn’t stop myself from wanting to get this out.

“The kissing started off light again. With it, he slipped his hand under my nightgown. I’d gotten scared again, but he held still at my waist. He wanted me to calm before he let it rise to my chest. Back then, I didn’t have much for…breasts, but enough, I guess, to appease him. That’s all he did that night. Touch me, there. It wasn’t until he woke me on the second night that he braved doing more. He had me…touch him, too, while he…” Burning stung my eyes and I reached up, wiping the steady flow of tears.

“He never penetrated me that first year. It wasn’t until after my thirteenth birthday that he went even further. He went down on me for the first time a month after my birthday. That was also the first time he started his plan to ‘ready me’, as he put it. He never rushed and there were times throughout those years that he didn’t come to me for at least a month. Just when I thought it was over, he would start again. And always in the middle of the night. He…had his fingers inside of me, stretching me, as he told me our time would be soon. That’s when I ran away from home.

“I couldn’t take it anymore. I’d tried to tell my mother once, but she thought I was just looking for attention. I was terrified. Trapped. I did what I had to do and I left. I ran away and made it an hour from where we were living at the time. The city streets became my home. I begged for money so I could eat. Surprisingly, people were generous.

“During one of my trips to the local hamburger joint, I met a girl similar to my age. She was the daughter of the owner and was waitressing there. We became friends and she convinced her father to hire me. I was paid under the table, of course, but I saved as much as I could. Cassidy even let me stay weekends with her when she wasn’t in school and I can’t tell you how amazing it felt to sleep in a bed again and take an actual shower.

“It wasn’t until Peter and my mother’s death that Rory managed to track me down. My mother was driving under the influence when they had the accident. It…broke my heart, concerning my mother, but I won’t deny the relief I felt about Peter. Anyway, Rory didn’t ask questions about why I’d gone missing and I didn’t tell him. He was hardly ever around at the end anyway, and he couldn’t stand my mom, so I doubted he even cared. But it was then that I saw a side of Rory I wasn’t prepared for. He’d changed. He had always been in trouble growing up, but it appeared to me that he had his life together.

“He ended up helping me get my first apartment. I was almost eighteen at that time, but not old enough to officially sign a lease. I came back into the open. Went by my real name. I wasn’t surprised my mother never pushed my missing identity to the cops. Maybe she was glad I left. Maybe she didn’t even remember I existed those last few years. All she knew was Peter. He was all she really cared about, if she cared at all. She stayed drunk. And not just mildly so. She didn’t stop drinking until she passed out.”

I got quiet. Fuck, I was all over the place. Not only in my thoughts, but my words. Still, I didn’t feel like stopping. For years, I’d held in these secrets. I couldn’t do it anymore. It was like I wasn’t talking to anyone at all. Chase was so quiet, I barely even noticed his weight on me. The world inside my head, my past, was consuming me and I let it. What I said had no filter and I relished in it.

“Rory came by a lot at first. Sometimes he brought friends. Sometimes he’d just use my couch as a place to crash when his girlfriend was having one of her crazed episodes. At first, he told me he was doing accounting. He held a really good job and it paid well. I was so proud with how far he’d come. I mean, going from dealing drugs and gambling, to wearing a suit and working in an office from nine to five—it was like night and day.”

“For months, he fooled me. Then, his lies began to show at the office he worked at. They discovered discrepancies on his initial application. I’m not sure what took them so long or what triggered them to investigate, but one afternoon, Rory showed up at my place in a panic. He said he was in trouble and leaving town. At first, he was going to force me to go, but somehow, I convinced him I would be fine. Maybe he realized I really was. I’d gotten my GED, started college courses, and worked two jobs. Anyway, he took off and I didn’t hear from him for a while. When he said he was in California under a new name, everything was clear. He hadn’t changed a bit. Come to find out, he was embezzling money from his work. Which really doesn’t surprise me. Nothing surprises me anymore. The things I’ve seen. The things I’ve lived while on the streets…”

Images began to appear, only to vanish at Chase’s movements. I blinked and glanced down. Still, I couldn’t see him. Even with my eyes adjusted, it was just too dark to make out much.

“I’m sorry for the hardships and pain you’ve gone through. I truly am. I’m afraid you’re not done yet. Tell me more about your brother. What brought Rory to Untold?”

“I don’t know.”

Whack!

Stinging flared over my thigh and I took a deep breath, feeling a different type of fear creep in. Not one of the dark, but one of the man before me. He was everything a person could be wrapped into one big mystery. The side of him I didn’t want to cross refreshed in my mind and mixed with the pain. It brought me back to what was happening. I was confessing, not hiding the truth. I’d been lying for so long, the automatic response had been immediate.

“Rory called me late one night. He gave me a new cell number and said he received a call about a new job in Untold. I wasn’t aware he was playing the lawyer card until a few months ago. He said things were better than ever. I let it drop a few more times. But the more I heard it, the more upset I got. That’s when we got into an argument. I told him he couldn’t continue to pretend he was someone he wasn’t. I tried convincing him to play it straight. To get a real job and try to settle down. You know, start a family. Be happy. He got angry and told me to mind my own business. That was the last time I talked to him.”

The response seemed to sate Chase. He stood, disappearing, leaving me alone in the dark. The separation left me feeling vulnerable, scared, all over again, which didn’t make sense. I was stronger when he was holding me, yet it was him I was afraid of.

Sounds registered in the distance and it didn’t take long for my hands to become jittery. They shook, even when I clenched them in my lap. What was he doing? Was I going to pay now? Was he going to punish me for not following his orders before, on the bed?

The cold began to seep back into my core. It made me crave for Chase to come back. To provide me with reassurance, safety, and the kind of warmth that didn’t come from just his contact. How could I want someone I longed to be free of?

It was me. The real me. After everything I’d been through, all I craved was protection. The kind you didn’t have to question. The kind that wouldn’t betray you. I’d worked at the club long enough to see how the Dominants there took care of what belonged to them. It was what drove me to that environment to begin with. I was so tired of running, of hiding who I was, and Chase represented everything I yearned for. He was all protection and safety wrapped into one untouchable package I couldn’t have. Not for life. Not for a relationship. Just for the moment.

Did I fear him? Yes. Did I want to continue down this crazed ride he was stringing me along? …a small part of me did. If I left, what was in store for me? Nothing worth really going back to. School, work? They were unappealing compared to his possessiveness. The emotion was on another level. One I’d only seen in the world of BDSM. The environment I’d been exposed to had been safe, though; therefore, for some odd reason, unappealing in those months. I’d left unsatisfied and still lost within myself. I didn’t seem to fit in anywhere but here. This was real. Right, in a fucked up way. I was living my most buried fantasy and perhaps I was a little too greedy to want to give it up so soon. Did that mean I was going to comply completely?

No.

Chase was still a stranger. Unstable. But I couldn’t deny that it drew me to him even more. I was a very compassionate person. The need to help weighed heavily on my mind and in my heart. I just wasn’t sure what I could do, or if there was anything I could do. When I threw how dangerous he was into the mix, it was a deal breaker. I wanted this now, but tomorrow…a week from now? I didn’t think so.

“Father?”

More rattling sounded and I stressed to see. I still didn’t like being in the dark, but with the commotion in the distance, it was hard to think of anything but what lay in my immediate future.

“Are you going to flog me again?”

My mind begged he wouldn’t—at least, not yet. I didn’t want to rush into what had happened before. The sex…I was still uncertain about. At the moment, I wanted his care, I wasn’t sure about his cruelty.

Footsteps neared and my pulse jumped.

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