Page 20 of Our Secret Moments

She is a picture of academic perfection. Her hair is tied back into a bun, wild curls falling loose in her face as she clutches her binder to her chest. She has a backpack instead of a tote as she doesn’t even look in my direction, only seeing her destination.

She’s always had this unwavering sense of confidence even when we were kids, and she would boss us around. She looks so sure of herself until she’s caught off guard and her stance slightly falters.

Recently, it’s been me who has been making more and more of a fool of myself while she gets to say things like ‘It’s callededging’ while I try and find the right words. For once, I want to regain that control that I had in the closet, or at least some of it.

There's only so much that I can get out of Nora about what Cat thinks of me without arousing suspicion. We’ve all had our little friend group from when we were kids, but everything feels different now that we’re at college. If Cat actually took one look at me without dying to take a jab at me, she would see that I’ve been at her feet foryearswaiting for the day she’ll give some of herself to me.

“Whatever,” I say to Wes, remembering that we were just having a conversation. I don’t know how long I was staring at her for, but the quirk in his eyebrow makes me believe that it was longer than need be. “I’m going to fill my water at the fountain. Talking some sense into you is making my mouth dry.”

“Right. It isn’t because you just saw Cat walk into the building, is it?” he asks.

“It just so happens that she is also going to class in the same building as us,” I say calmly. He doesn’t give up the strange look he’s giving me, so I add, “Don’t read into it.”

He finally drops his gaze from mine, giving me the second to breathe as he continues writing while he murmurs, “Oh, I’m not the one reading into it, Connie.”

TEN

CAT

IT SMELLS LIKE OLD PEOPLE

“You just can’t get enoughof me, can you?”

I can feel him before I can see him. Well, I also took a glance through his classroom window as I walked past it, trying to keep my head high and not take more than one glance. His behaviour towards me has become weirdly sporadic and I can’t figure out why.

For some reason, it seems like he wants to cross the line we drew up when we were in high school. The added forced proximity with me now on the team for the Titans Daily is not helping our case. Or does it encourage it? Whatever that is.

Connor has been feeling like a fucking magnet. I have no idea what kind of voodoo nonsense spell that closet put on either of us, but his usualin the shadow’svibe has become less and less prominent and I can’t tell if I hate it or if I love it.

I turn to him finally, pulling my water from the fountain as I screw on the cap. I move out of the way slightly, keeping my eyes on the ground, knowing I’d get distracted by his eyes as he goes to fill up his water.

“Well, after the stunt you pulled at the interview, I thought you were avoiding me,” he answers. His voice is layered witha thick emotion I can’t quite place. Annoyance, maybe? There’s something else in there that I can’t put my finger on. Still, it runs through my body like a tidal wave.

“What reason would I have to avoid you?” I ask. I let my eyes settle on his as he closes the cap on his water bottle, twisting it in his hands. I don’t know what kind of conversation I’m inviting, so I shake my head at the thought. “You know what? Never mind. I’ve got things to do, andyouhave a class to attend.”

I readjust my bag on my shoulder, giving Connor a weak smile as I turn around and start walking in the opposite direction. I hold my head high, ready to get on with my day like I initially planned before I feel a gentle tug on my arm, pulling me back. I stumble slightly, my stomach doing a weird flip as Connor’s hand brushes against mine

“Miss me already, Bailey?” I ask.

He shakes his head, not finding my joke funny. Weird. Usually, he’d chuckle low at one of my comments, or stick his tongue in his cheek and try not to laugh at least. I wait for him to get the words out, which he’s clearly struggling to do.

“I need your help, Cat,” he says quietly. The vulnerability in his voice catches me off guard. So does the gentle whisper in his tone, the way the light dims in his eyes as he drops his gaze to his shoes.

“You needmyhelp?” I ask, my voice a little breathy.

“That’s what I just said, yes,” he says, resting his eyes back on mine, a slight flare in those golden-brown eyes.

“Now is not the time for attitude if you want me to help you,” I retort. A smile twitches on his mouth as he sighs.

He runs a nervous hand through his hair. “Look, these interviews have been freaking me out and I’m… I’m worried. I’m scared that I’m not anything other than a football player and that people won’t be interested in me beyond that. Everybody else on the team has something else that they’re good at, some secrettalent, and I don’t. I don’t have anything to fall back on and I’m going to drag the team down if my answers to your questions are shit.”

I watch him take a deep breath, the exhale shaky. That was definitely not what I was expecting him to say. I knew the first interview made him antsy from what Wes told me, but I didn’t know just how badly it had affected him.

I’ve always known Connor has been a little closed off and sensitive. He has this huge papa bear energy with his protectiveness over Nora and his friends. I’ve also known that being a football player has just been sohimthat I don’t think I could separate the two.

“And how exactly can I help you with that?”

“I need help getting better at talking to people about real things, aboutfeelings,about memories, about hobbies. I don’t know,” he explains. I quirk my eyebrow, not fully understanding him as he continues talking, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I just have so many words and thoughts in my brain that I can’t seem to get them out. Not in a way that makes sense, at least.”

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