Page 21 of Our Secret Moments

“And you thinkIcan help you with that?” I ask.

My friends have always said I’m a good teacher and a good listener. I try to be at all times. Growing up where my mom and my dad were such huge personalities and always had something to say, I learned to listen to them and pick up on cues. I also paid close attention to how to help people in ways that don't come across as condescending, knowing exactly what it’s like to be talked down to.

“I think you could do anything you wanted to, Cat,” he says simply. My chest immediately expands, my organs somehow feeling too big for my body. I feel the praise all over me like tiny sharp needles pricking my skin. “Plus,” he adds, his voice suddenly filled with humour, “You’ve always had a soft spot for me. You can’t deny that.”

“That’s because you’re my best friend’s brother and we grew up together,” I argue, not sure why the comment gets to me. I have soft spots for a lot of people – the misunderstood villain, the introvert, the rich millionaire with a soft side, or the football player who is terrible at baking.

“Regardless, you’re clearly considering it,” he says, nodding down at me.

My heart knows the right thing to do before my brain does and words of agreement flow out of my mouth.. “Fine. I’ll help you. Only because I feel bad for you.Notbecause I have a soft spot for you or anything like that.”

“Whatever you say,” Connor relays. He nods down to my folders that I’m holding, his nervous smile twitching. “Do you want me to give you my number?”

“I’m sure that’s the first order of business, yes,” I mumble.

Why do I have to be so awkward? Being alone with him more often than usual has made me unnecessarily antsy. We usually just talk through Nora, or I occasionally text him on social media.

I can do this, right? I can have unsolicited one-on-one time with my best friend’s brother and not make it into a big deal.

“My hands are kinda full, I’ll just give you mine,” I suggest. He pulls out his phone as I tell him my number. I watch the mischievous smirk pull across his face as he creates my contact. “You put my name as something stupid, didn’t you?”

He shakes his head, his cheeks burning pink as he meets my eyes, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, Catherine,” he says easily, slowly walking backwards.

“What are you doing?”

“Going back to class,” he answers with a shrug.

“Can you walk like a normal human and watch where you’re going?”

“Worried about my safety, sweetheart?”

“No, you’re just going to do something stupid, and I donotwant to be called into the station as a witness,” I say. He ignores me again, still walking backwards as he somehow manages to dodge the pillars in the hallway. “Goodbye, Connor. Don’t die on your way to class.Please.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he says triumphantly. “Then I’d never get my one-on-one time with you.”

“You’re ridiculous,” I snort.

“I’m your favourite kind of ridiculous, Cat, we both know that.”

“For someone who says they don’t know how to talk to people, you talk a lot of bullshit,” I shout back at him which only makes him smile harder. His eyes squint, those infuriatingly perfect lips spreading across his face as his cheeks flush.

“Only for you,” he says, pointing at me.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?

It smells like old people.

I don’t know why I’m surprised by the pungent smell of the Gilwell Care home located twenty minutes away from campus. I’ve come here nearly twice a week for the last five years, but I always forget just how sterile the initial smell is.

My grandma JoJo has been thriving here for years. She’s always had ongoing health issues even from before she had my mom, but when she passed away her mental and physical health plummeted. Although my dad wasn’t thrilled about it, he set her up in the best caring facility in Colorado and has been paying for her care ever since.

JoJo has always been special to me. She was always the one to take care of me when my parents needed a night away. She was the one who got me ready for my first day of school when my parents had passed out on the couch from working late. She was the one who cheered me on as loud as she could from her wheelchair at my high school graduation while my dad silently clapped. I know if my mom was there, she would have been just as loud as my grandma JoJo.

There’s been this weird hostility between my grandma and my dad for years. Before, my mom would often ease the tension between them with a joke, or a hand on my dad’s back, signalling him to step down. But now, without her, my dad is prone to making jokes about JoJo and their relationship.

As much as I had wished my parents' love would have won over my grandma completely, that was never the case. My JoJo was always protective of mom in every way, no matter how much she liked my dad. She always put her first and never got too close to my dad even after my mom’s passing. There was part of her that thought he would hurt my mom somehow and she didn’t want to see that happen. A huge part of me thinks that the only reason my dad is caring for JoJo is because I’m not able to and he’s doing it just for me.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I just wish they could get along without them being civil with each other just for me. My mom is a part of me just as much as my dad is and I just wish they could both act like that for once.

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