Page 108 of Our Secret Moments

I bite my bottom lip. “Are you sure? You’re allowed to be mad at me, Connor.”

“I know, but I’m not. It was hard, but we’re both okay now, right?” I close my eyes at the sound of his voice.

“Yeah,” I sigh, wanting him closer to me now more than ever. “Too bad you live on the other side of campus, huh?” I try to add some sort of humour to my voice, but it just sounds sad and weak, much like how I feel right now.

“Yeah, it’s too bad,” he replies. “Do you want me to distract you until you fall asleep?”

“Yes, please.”

He shuffles on the end of the phone, but I can’t tell exactly what he’s doing. Maybe he’s getting comfortable in bed. “Okay, imagine that I’m with you. What would you want me to do?’

I don’t even have to think about my response. It’s all I’ve thought about since my dad dropped me off outside of campus. “I’d lay on my back, you’d lay on my chest, where you’d be able to keep me down, keep me calm… keeping me safe.”

“I’d like that,” he says, his voice hoarse and rough. “What else?”

“I’d stretch my arm out and you’d put your arm over mine and you’d lock your fingers with mine. We’d stay like that for a few minutes until I start to feel you everywhere.”

“That sounds really good,” he says, his breathing suddenly heavier. Weird. “Keep going.” I open my mouth to speak, but when I hear a groan on his side, I stop, frowning even though he can’t see me.

“Are you jerking off right now?” I ask, laughing quietly.

“No,” he pants.

“Are you lying to me?’

“Also, no.”

“Then what are you doing?” I get out through another laugh. I sit up further in bed, still hearing his heavy breathing on the other end of the phone.

“Open your door, Catherine.”

“What?” I gawk, a little too loud. “Is this your version of phone sex where I have to open the door because you get off on knowing that someone could walk in? Because if it is, I’m really not in the mood to–”

He groans. “Just open your door.”

I do as I’m told and walk through my bedroom door towards the door to my dorm. The wind is basically knocked out of me when I see Connor. I don’t know why it feels like it’s been years since I’ve seen him. Years since I’ve felt him, or heard his voice.

He doesn’t make a move to come in. Instead, he looks down at me, his smile bright and soft. “Spin for me.”

“What?” I laugh, a real smile spreading across my face.

“You heard me, sweetheart. The last time I saw you in a jersey, it wasn’t my number you had on your back. I want to see you.”

He lifts one of my hands above my head and urges me to spin around. I stumble slightly as I do, but he catches me, laughing. He tries to spin me again the other way and I end up tripping over again and now we’re both laughing.

“You’ve got to be quiet, baby,” he manages through a chuckle, shaking his head at me.

“Then stop making me laugh,” I whisper-shout, hitting him in the arm. He catches my wrist, circling his huge hand around it easily.

“Why would I? It’s my favourite thing to do,” he mutters, pulling me further into him until his back presses against the door. He leans down to me, and we both know what we need without saying it.

I wrap my arms around his middle, snuggling my head into his chest. He holds me there, his steady heartbeat soft against my ear. He doesn’t pester me, or ask me what happened today and I don’t ask him anything either. We just exist together.Feeltogether. He feels like coming home.

FORTY

CAT/CONNOR

“YOU’RE PERFECT.”

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