Page 122 of When Love Takes The Ice

It ate away at me that I didn’t know. I wanted you to be mine.

You were such an endearing child, and I loved you, Ashton. My God, I loved you. And I wanted to show it, but I never knew how.

Eventually, it became too much to stay playing happy families, knowing I could never be the man your mother wanted me to be.

Then she fell pregnant with Kate, and a part of me wondered then if she had been careless on purpose. The pregnancy and complications only made matters worse.

I knew it would be hard leaving her and Kate, but my resentment for the situation around you was too big for me to see straight by the time she was born.

There’s no chance I would ever be guilty of being father of the year, and Kate probably thinks it’s her fault, but that’s not the case. I do feel guilty leaving her behind. But with me for a father, I thought it was better that way.

I couldn’t cope with the burden I was carrying or how angry I was about everything. Even though I vowed to keep your mother’s promise.

There was one reason I did that, and one reason only: to protect you.

I know she felt a great deal of shame over the fact she didn’t truly know who the father was.

I pushed away the family I loved but didn’t know how to embrace.

As the years went on I became more bitter and blindsided. My only focus was to convince you to join me in the business because it’s what your grandfather always wanted, and I wanted to keep his honor. And no matter how it appeared or how it was, you were always my family.

I could never tell you I was proud to see the man you’d become because my focus was only ever on myself and the women I pursued.

There was a big part of me that was desperate for you to be as dedicated to it as I was, but you found your passion for ice hockey, David’s favorite game. Another reason to suspect you weren’t mine, and that only made me resent you even more. It wasn’t your fault, but I’ve never been one to admit defeat, or see any kind or reason.

I hope you can find some peace in knowing the truth of why we never saw eye to eye. None of this is your burden to carry, and the fault lies only on me. If you want to know for yourself once and for all who your biological father is, then you have my blessing.

You’ll always be my son, no matter what you find out.

Maybe one day you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me for keeping this from you.

Please don’t hate Nalani. I know how easy it is to become bitter and twisted; I’m a master at it.

Take care of her and your sister.

Until we meet again,

Dad.

I stare at the pages. A noise escapes my throat. It’s one I know I’ve never made before. It sounds like a strangled cry.

I sit motionless as the lines on the pages in front of me blur into one.

This is why my father always acted as though he hated me?

There’s a high chance he’s not my biological father?

I swallow hard, running a hand over my face.

This can’t be happening. What the hell is he even talking about?

I read the name again.David James Marlow?

Who the actual fuck?

The room spins.

I hear Maddison in the background asking me something, but I hear nothing.

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