Page 130 of Don't Look Down

“Clear!” I flinch when the defibrillator shocks Andrew's lifeless body. I want to avert my eyes from the terrifying scene, but I can’t force my eyes away.

Andrew’s chest rises and falls way too easily when they switch to compressions. It’s not a good sign.

His body is visibly broken from slamming into the ground at such high speed.

I know what this means.

A bump in the road causes Andrew’s head to shift. His lifeless eyes land on me.

I awaken with a gasping sob, sitting up in a tangle of sheets. I’m drenched in sweat, chest heaving as I cry.

Landon sits up next to me, hands already reaching out to comfort me.

I recoil, “No!”

He jerks back from the verbal slap of the word. His face scrunches in confusion, and hurt.

“Baby–” he tries again.

I raise my hands to ward him off. I’m still too raw from the nightmare. If he touches me I’ll break into a million pieces. “No, Landon. Please don’t.”

“What? Sky, you’re trembling, please just let me help you.”

I shake my head.I can’t.Tears continue to flow.

Deep inside, I know I’m being irrational, but even though I know this, I can’t make it stop. I can’t force myself past the nightmare and make myself listen to reason.

A few weeks have passed, and I’d thought I was doing better, but clearly I’m not.

I’m doing my damnedest to shut down, but he isn’t entertaining my bullshit. Even now I can tell by the set of his sexy-ass jawline that I love to kiss and bite, that he’s not going to let me push him away. He squares his shoulders and breaks me with every word that passes his lips.

“Baby, I get that you’re struggling, but whatever the fuck you’re trying to do right now, I’m not allowing it. I’ll be by your side through anything. Whatever hurts you, hurts me. You just don’t get it, Sky. I’llalwaysstand by you. You’re mine. My man. And I take that seriously. Nothing will get between us. Not even you. You’re it for me,” he vows. Leaning forward and cupping my tear-stained face in his hands, he presses a tender kiss to my lips. “I know you might not be ready to hear this again, but I have to say it. I think you need some help. More than what I can provide.” He pauses, his eyes watching me close. “I’ll give you some time to process whatever you saw in that nightmare, but make no mistake, I will not walk away from you. I’ll be right here with you. You’re too important, and that’s worth fighting for. I’ll say it again: you just don’t comprehend what you mean to me, but you will. I love you, Skylar, and I won’t fucking let you push me away.”

And with that final mic drop Landon, sweet, precious,understandingLandon, rolls over and lies back down.

The silence that follows his declaration is oppressive, threatening once again to drown me. I drag my fingers into my hair and squeeze my head in my hands. Maybe that’ll hold me together. God only knows I’m on the verge of losing my shit.

Gasping breaths escape my mouth and my chest heaves with sobs I can no longer contain. His back is tight, muscles defined in stark relief as he fights every instinct inside that tells him to comfort me. I want his arms around me, but I just can’t take it right now.

How is it fair that I get to keep Landon when Andrew is dead? Cayden lost his happily ever after and it’s all my fault.

When I wakethe next morning, there’s a text from Landon telling me he'd gone to see Luc and he’d be home later. There’s a new batch of unread texts from Cayden, and a few missed calls. I should call him back, or at least text him, but my brain revolts at the thought.

I can’t.

The house is quiet, but the lack of sound is welcome.

Grief is a funny thing. As a medical professional, Iknowthis. I’m letting the grief win instead of working through it, but that’s the thing, we all work through the grief in different ways. I was doing so much better until that nightmare. Now, I’m currently being flattened by anger, guilt, and depression. But I can’t make these feelings stop. That’s not how this works.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, I make my way back to bed. It might be gigantic, but it feels like home. Wrapping myself into a bundle in the blankets and a wall of pillows, I stare at the wall, looking for some modicum of comfort since I decided to chase away the only person I actually find comfort in. I want to wrap myself in his arms and cry for days, but I don’t deserve that privilege.

I must have fallen back asleep because a sound startles me awake. A few hours have passed, I realize, since the sunlight has shifted quite a bit from when I crawled back into bed to wallow. My head is pounding in a classic crying-hangover throb, and I groan. A loud knock sounds through the house, and I rapidly deduce that’s what woke me.

I try to get up but am hopelessly tangled in blankets. The knocking sounds louder and a bit more urgent. Somehow, I manage to escape my cocoon and climb out of bed before rushing downstairs to the front door.

If Landon is back already, I won’t be able to resist the comfort he’s offering. I’m not strong enough to send him away again. He’s my other half, and I’d already shredded my soul when I asked him not to touch me earlier. I won’t be able to do it again.

My tired brain misses the fact that he would’ve just let himself in if it was Landon, since it’s his house. More knocking, so I call out, “Just a minute!” as I make my way down the stairs. My voice is hoarse with tears and sleep.

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