Page 756 of Not Over You

So your precious spirit will inhabit their body

I’ve lost count on how many times I was tempted to answer back. I wonder what she would have done if I did? Would she continue sending me the messages? Or would she have stopped them altogether? Whatever the case might be, I didn’t dare take that chance. They have been happening for so long now, I’d miss reading them on a nightly basis. I’m ashamed to admit that I look forward to it. It’s become the one bright spot in my miserable existence.

I slip my phone inside my breast pocket and grab my pack of cigs. I need a break. Old habits die hard and the bitch has me by my throat again. There are worse habits, so I’m not going to beat myself up about it. When I’m damn good and ready, I’ll just quit cold turkey like I did last time.

I’m about to head out when there’s a knock on the door. Dakota pokes her head inside. “Hey. Got a minute?”

Something’s up because she never comes to the club this late at night. I try to read her mood but she’s looking everywhere but at me. I tip her chin up and give her a chaste kiss. My dick begs to differ since he’ll be buried inside of her tomorrow night. “What brings you here at this late hour?”

She pushes past me and makes herself comfortable on the sofa. There’s a sick feeling gnawing away at my gut. I sit on the coffee table directly across from her and tap her on the knee. Finally, her eyes meet mine. Something’s wrong and I have a feeling I’m not going to like what I hear. “Give it to me straight and don’t hold back.” I know I’m royally fucked when her eyes fill with tears.

“It wasn’t my fault. It’s just something that happened and now I don’t know what to do.” Fear turns my blood cold, and of course the first thing I think of is she’s pregnant. It wouldn’t be the worst-case scenario, but it wouldn’t be the best either. Look, I really care about Dakota but that doesn’t mean I want to marry her or spend the rest of my life with her.

I reach over and grab her hand. “Just tell me. I promise you whatever it is, I won’t be mad at you.”

“I met someone, Z.”

What? Is the baby his then? I can’t help shaking my head because suddenly I’m so confused. “I really suck at games. Please just tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“I won’t be coming over on Monday nights anymore. I met someone, and I want to be monogamous with him.”

Ah, no more kinky sex on Mondays is what she’s trying to tell me. Well, I’m happy for her but not so much for me. The last thing I want to do is go back to the clubs and pick up women. I roll my shoulders, crack my neck and do what I need to do. “You deserve someone who can be there for you both physically and mentally, baby. All I’ve been good for is the physical and we both know that’s not enough for you. I’m happy for you, Angel. You deserve the very best.”

When she crawls in my lap and buries her face in my chest, I let her. In fact, I stroke her hair and let her cry to her heart’s content. I know she’s always loved me, and this isn’t easy for her. Hell, it’s even hard for me to accept but I have no choice. I love her in my own fucked up way, but I’ll never be the man she needs me to be since I’m married to my job. Hence, the reason we never worked as a viable couple. We might be great in bed but that’s not enough for the long term.

“I’ll miss you,” she says between sobs.

“Right back at ya, baby. Now, if that asshole breaks your heart I’ll kick his fucking ass.” I grab her face, wipe away her tears and give her one last kiss. Regret is a bitter pill to swallow.

“I’ll always love you, Zane,” she whispers against my lips.

“I know, baby. Now go get your new man before I change my mind.” One last hug and she’s racing out the door.

Dakota has been my one and only constant in life and now she’s gone. Just because I choose this way of life doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely on occasion. But, since I spend so much time at the club, it wouldn’t be wise to get involved with anyone. I’m a true believer that everything happens for a reason. And that must be why Lili wasn’t waiting for me last night. Deep down she knew I was bad news and that’s why she didn’t stick around. She wanted to leave me and my baggage as far away as possible.

Smart girl.

With everything crashing down around me, I’m suddenly exhausted. Since my work’s finished for the day, I might as well throw in the towel. Fuck it! For the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to my day off. I’m going to veg out and do absolutely nothing. I’m taking a much-needed hooky day from everyday life.

I shut off the lights, lock my office door and head out. I need to find Mike so I can let him know he’s the one in charge of locking up for the night. All eyes glance my way as I head into the room.

“Guys, I’m calling it a night. Mike, could you please lock up after closing?”

“Sure, boss. Is everything all right?”

“Couldn’t be better. I’ll see you all on Tuesday.” For some odd reason I can’t get out of here fast enough. I really don’t know what’s come over me, but the fresh air feels wonderful. I’ve been breathing, eating and sleeping the club for years, and for the first time I want so much more. Today confirmed just how impossible it is to predict what tomorrow will bring.

LILIANNA

I’ve been walking around in what feels like the Twilight Zone for the past twenty-four hours, after reliving my lunch with Zane for the hundredth time. Why did I act like a love-sick teenager swapping spit with the high school jock? Never in my wildest dreams did I feel the need to dry hump a man before. But I so wanted to do it with Zane. Our chemistry is off the charts and I have no freaking clue as to why. It was sizzling and fucking hot and I just wanted to strip him bare right where he was standing. Hell, I love writing erotic sex scenes, but I never thought in a million years that I’d be a willing participant. In a moment of weakness, I would have let that sexy man do anything to me. And, I do mean anything.

Ugh, I have a meeting with Natalie in less than an hour and I’m as jumpy as a cat. I suppose I could blame it on my date with Zack, which would hopefully make her feel guilty as all hell. She deserves it after what she put me through… although he was a decent date. The only time he acted like a dick was when he found me with Zane out back. Oh boy, if looks could kill they both would have been dead. The tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. I tried asking Zack why he was so upset but he easily brushed me off. I thought it best just to let it go at the time. If I had to take a wild guess, I’d say it wasn’t their first rodeo. There’s bad blood between them and I have no idea why. I guess I’ll never know because I have no intention of seeing either one of them ever again. It’s safer that way.

After touching up my hair and makeup, I head into the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. Natalie loves her dark roast, and she hinted at being here for the long haul. We need to go over my itinerary for the next six months. I assume there will be more signings, parties, and god-knows-what-else she has planned. I know she mentioned a live Q&A and I shot her down fast. I’m so not good under pressure and afraid I would make a fool out of myself. It wouldn’t be the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last, but I like to stick to the basics. That’s more my style.

I’m just plating the mouthwatering pastry I bought when the doorbell chimes. A quick glance at the grandfather clock, which tells me she’s right on time. Natalie’s always punctual, I’ll give her that. Now, if I could get her to lay off the matchmaking skills I’d be so much happier. “Hi Natalie, come on in.” She places a quick kiss to each cheek as she wizzes by me.

“We have a lot of ground to cover today, so we best get started. Oh, it smells divine in here. Is that dark roast in that pot over there?”

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