Page 291 of Not Over You

“I gave up everything for you!” The yell scratches at the back of my throat and brings tears to my eyes. “You knew I wanted out of LA the moment I was old enough to get away from Mom. To get away from being Krystal! I dropped everything on a second’s notice because you asked me to. I came back. For you. And I can't stand it. I can’t stand her! I don’t want to be Krystal Valentina anymore!”

“But...” Deep ridges form in Mimi’s forehead. “You stole my character on LA Sunset.”

“No.” I shake my head. “I did what I had to do.” It was all smoke and mirrors. “I did what you asked me to do.”

“But you said you wouldn’t.”

“I know and I’m sorry. I was selfish, Mimi. I was thinking only about myself. I should have been there for you without hesitation just like you were for me, like you’re always there for me.” I look away from Mimi. I have lived with this guilt for seven years. She asked me for help and I said no. She saw no other way out of her situation except death. She tried to kill herself and that was on me. “When Mom called, I was...”

What do I say? The truth? That I was standing outside a married man’s hotel room about to go inside knowing that with all best intentions aside, just talking was not what we’d be doing. I’d gone to that hotel room knowing Sean and would I have sex that night.

“I know where you were.”

Mimi’s fingers close around my trembling fists. When I look up, there’s no judgment in her eyes. Just understanding. He was married to Anna. I had no right to consider what we’d considered. I had no right to give him an ultimatum. To walk away from our friendship because he acted like a jealous prick but wouldn’t act on his feelings for me. He couldn’t have me. He respected his marriage vows. But he didn’t want anyone else to have me either.

“I was outside his room, telling myself if I went inside, I could always leave, and if we kissed I could always stop, and if we ended up sleeping together then I would be able to live with myself. But mom called and… I walked away. You needed me more.”

“You stood him up?” Mimi gasps and I nod in reply. “Because of me?”

I close my eyes against the memory. Walking away that night severed the crucial artery that joined Sean and me together. I destroyed everything we had. I did it for Mimi. It took seven years to repair our friendship. But we never got the chance to build up our relationship before Sean caught Mimi and Justin together.

Is there any wonder Sean doesn’t trust me?

“He’s never forgiven you?” Mimi squeezes my fingers again. “That’s why you can’t stand each other. It’s why you fight all the time.”

“He’s got other issues with me now.” I look at our joined hands again. “Mimi, you said you weren't keeping Macaulay. You said you needed to get away from the press to have an abortion, and then take time to get your head together. Then you’d come back even stronger.”

I told mom I’d handle LA Sunset’s director. I was already dressed up for a date. I shouldn’t have been, but I’d wanted to look nice for Sean. After the hospital, once we knew Mimi would pull through, I went to the LA Sunset’s Annual Soiree.

“You were out on your ass already,” I admit. “I figured I had nothing to lose by playing the sympathy card with an old family friend. He had to replace you. So, I did as you asked. I offered to come out of retirement until you were well enough to take on the role of Hope Newlove again.”

“You didn’t have to steal her from me.”

“Yes, I did.” When I look up, I realize she still doesn’t understand. The illusion I created all those years ago, the super-bitch who didn’t even take her sister prisoner, was good enough to fool even Mimi. “You don’t get what actually happened, do you?”

“You stole everything from me.”

I shake my head. “You were at your lowest point, and I took everything you had left. Krystal is the biggest bitch on the planet, you were the first of many victims. You were an innocent victim, crying out for help, and I screwed you over to repair the damage Justin did.”

“If you hate it that much, why didn't you just quit when you left LA Sunset?”

“I’ve tried,” I whisper. “No one will employ me. So, I do what I’m good at.”

“You know something, Ash.” Mimi stares at me for a long time. “These last fifteen months have been the best. Yeah, Justin was angry at first but now he loves Macaulay so much and I've loved being back in LA and acting. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You want to cross over to the dark side, Mimi.” I stare wide-eyed at her. “Feel free to use my ticket anytime, it comes with privileges.”

“Ash, I, um, I can't do that.”

I frown as I watch Mimi’s hand rest on her lower abdomen protectively. It’s the way she’s sat, surely? She wouldn’t be foolish enough to have this happen twice. For a bump to be that big she’d be well into the second trimester by now. I’m imagining it. “Mimi, are you…?”

Mimi nods.

My blood boils. White hot fury floods my system as my temper goes boom! “I’m going to put his ass on the floor so fast he won’t know what’s hit him!”

I leap up.

A thousand knives slash my spine. It sucks the air from my lungs and forces my eyes to close. Every muscle tenses. My jaw locks against the wave of sheer agony.

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