I wave a hand through the air and almost toss the fry I’m holding at the couple at the next table. “We can’t date just because he took my virginity. That’s old fashioned.”
“No, it’s not. You can’t let him use you. If he wants you then he should put in the effort to make you his. It’s that simple.”
The burger in my mouth suddenly tastes sour. I sip my juice to wash it down but it doesn’t help. I close my eyes and sigh before looking at her once more. “Kim, he’s not the type ofman who is looking for a relationship. He’s part of the mafia, you know how they are.”
She places her elbow on the table and rests her head on her hand. “I don’t know. How about you tell me?”
I hate to say this, but I have to be incredibly honest with myself right now.
“Men like him have women flocking to them, and they don’t usually settle for one woman unless it’s business or to make them into breeding machines. The man is a killer so he’s not going to allow himself to get tied down just because he took my virginity.”
“But you said his brother was happily married.”
“I did say that, and he is happily married.”
“Then why do you think the man you are seeing is incapable of having any feelings or reciprocating yours?”
I lean away from the table and rest my back against my seat. “I just feel that way. He had this girl working in one of his clubs. She was murdered and I saw the rage in his eyes when he spoke of her.”
Kim tilts her head to take a better look at my face. “So, this is what this is about? You’re afraid he loved this woman and won’t love you? You’re afraid of a dead woman, is that it?”
“Not when you put it that way.” I’m not a complete idiot, to be jealous of a dead woman and one who was just one of the women Marcus was frolicking with is laughable. I’m just afraid I may be one out of those many women. “What I mean is, he’ll protect me if needs be. But I don’t think that proves his love for me, he’s the type to protect any woman who needs his help.”
Kim takes a deep breath, her eyes glinting with concern. “Listen, Jane. It's understandable to be cautious, especially with someone involved in the mafia. But fear of being let down shouldn't cloud your feelings for Marcus. You're just scared you're developing real emotions for him, aren't you?”
My heart hammers in my chest. “I can't deny that there's something about him, Kim. He's not what I expected. I wanted to hate him, to believe he was arrogant and bad, but I can’t. He's kind and caring, in his own strange way.”
In my head, I know I shouldn’t let whatever is going on between me and Marcus to get any more serious than what it is now. I’m a cop and he is part of the mafia. We’re from two different worlds, but my heart and my body don’t seem to understand that.
“You know what I think?”
“What do you think?”
“You're not just falling for him, Jane. I think you’re already in love with him but refusing to accept it because you're terrified of being vulnerable. You're scared of admitting you're capable of such deep feelings for someone like him.”
I run a hand through my hair, feeling a surge of panic. “But I'm a detective, Kim. I can't afford to be blinded by emotions, especially not for someone like Marcus. For all I know, the next case I’m on could be bringing him and his entire family down.”
“You can't keep pretending your feelings for him are trivial. You can always quit being a detective. You said it yourself; you always wanted to become a psychologist. Face it, you're in love with him and denying it won’t do you any good.”
I shake my head, my voice almost a whisper. She can’t know the real reason I chose to become a detective. “Forget what I said. I became a detective because that is what I’ve always wanted and I can't allow myself to fall for someone like him. It's dangerous, and I can't risk my job or my safety. He may be sweet now, but what if there’s a reason he’s getting close to me?”
Kim's expression softens. “I get it, but shutting off your feelings won't make them disappear. You’ll have to confrontthem eventually. Maybe Marcus isn't the villain you think he is. He could surprise you.”
“Yeah, he could surprise me and put a bullet in my skull one day.” I take a deep breath, grappling with the truth of Kim's words. “I'll try to sort things out in my head. But for now, let's not dwell on this, okay?”
Kim nods, offering a comforting smile. “Of course. Let's enjoy our dinner. It’s getting cold and I don’t want to get home too late.”
She drags her plate of macaroni and cheese in front of her and digs in with her fork.
I blank out for a moment. I can deny it and lie all I want, but one thing is certain.
I think I am really in love with Marcus.
Chapter Twelve
Marcus
“He’s Victor’s nephew.”