Page 51 of Hard to Forgive

“Okay?”

“Let’s figure this thing out.”

“How?”

He thought for a minute. “The same way anyone else does. We date. We spend time together.” He kept holding onto my hand while a war waged behind his eyes. “But Silas?” I looked at him. “We can’t start fresh or anything. We have our history, and we can’t undo that. But I’d like to think that maybe we’ve grown a little, and I wouldn’t mind getting to know who you are now.”

I leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss, tasting the sauce on his tongue. “That’s all I ask.” I pulled away, before shaking my head. “Actually, no, that’s one thing that I ask. The other thing I ask? While we’re figuring it out, no one else, okay? I don’t share well.”

He laughed, and his breath warmed my lips. “No one else,” he agreed. “Exclusive deal or no deal.”

“Deal.”

17

“I don’t know whatI’m doing,” I moaned to Holden from the safety of my car.

I didn’t know what to expect once I went into the office. I didn’t know if things would be different between me and Silas, now that we were doing this thing. I didn’t know if he’d expect me to suddenly be outwardly affectionate, or if we could continue on the way we had been—just with me being a little bit nicer.

After he left, I realized it was something we probably should have discussed instead of deciding we were exclusive, eating, and then immediately losing ourselves in one another’s bodies. We’d spent the weekend texting, but hadn’t actually seen each other since Friday. We’d both been busy. We probably should’ve discussed it during those texts, but it hadn’t come up.

I was not great at this.

“You’re going to go into work,” Holden advised. I could hear the music playing in the background as he drove to his own job. “You’re going to treat Silas like an actual person, instead of doing that prickly cactus act you like to do when you’re tense.Then, when you two are at your desk, you’re going to tell him how you want to proceed.”

I groaned. “You spend too much time with Eli. That sounded like an Eli answer.”

“An Eli answer would include blowing him in the bathroom.” We both laughed. Holden wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean he had to say it out loud and distract me from my whine session. “I don’t recommend that. You like your job and don’t need to get fired.”

“I’m not going to blow him in the office bathroom,” I assured him. “I cannot make any promises for sneaky blowjobs in the parking lot.”

“Parking lots have cameras. Just remember that.”

“Killjoy,” I teased. “Now I know you’re really not channeling your inner Eli. That’d just make it hotter for him.”

“Okay, can we stop talking about Eli blowing guys in parking lots—or encouraging you to blow guys in parking lots, whatever. Let’s get back to talking about you.” He didn’t wait for me to do anything other than make a single sound of protest before he barreled through. “You’re going to talk to him, and you’re going to set whatever ground rules will make you feel comfortable. Then you can renegotiate it after you’ve done this a little longer and you two know more about what you want.”

It was logical. It was really logical. It was actually a lot more logical than Holden usually got, but I wasn’t going to complain about it. The advice was sound, and it was what I needed to hear. I didn’t even stop to think about how my friends must have discussed me this weekend in order for Holden to have this advice at the ready.

“Okay.” I exhaled a long breath. “Okay, I can do this. Thanks Holden.”

“Any time man.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Let me know how it goes?”

“Promise.” I disconnected the call and braced myself to go in and face the music.

It was time to see how things changed now that Silas and I were a Silas-and-I.

It turned out that I was stressing about nothing. When I got in, Silas offered me a smile, but didn’t try to engage in any PDA. When we were at the desk, we both agreed that work should be focused on work. I think the only person who knew anything was going on was Isabel. She kept looking at us, watching the way we interacted.

“You still need to apologize to her,” Silas informed me after I pointed out that Isabel was watching us. “I really want you two to get along.”

“I’ve tried.” He gave me a skeptical look and I sighed. “I will try again.” I’d been in the wrong. I should face the music. “Just not today. We need to focus on the project today.”

“Soon?”

“Soon.”

I said it like a promise, and I meant it. I would find the right time to apologize to her, because having someone your friends didn’t like as a partner sucked. I didn’t think I could do it. Which meant that eventually, I’d have to invite Silas to meet the boys. Like the apology to Isabel, it could wait a little while. Unlike with Isabel, it could wait until we knew for sure what this was. I had a feeling I’d have to find a way to apologize to Isabel sooner rather than later.

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