Page 66 of Until Posey

Once I had everything packed, I rushed out of the house, not even looking back. I couldn’t. I didn’t have the strength to glance over my shoulder. I knew if I did, Hunter would be standing there with Destiny in his arms. My resolve would crumble, and I’d go along with his farce of a life. Even knowing we’d be good together and Destiny would have the life she deserved, I couldn’t have that on my consciousness. Destiny had family out there. I’d been sure of it. If Hunter had the balls to lie about being her father, he’d fib about looking for family.

Getting into my car, I pressed my forehead to the steering wheel and sobbed. How could I be so stupid? How could I allow myself to get so tangled up in someone I didn’t see the truth? None of this had been Hunter’s fault. It’d been mine. I fell for his cocky smile and God-like good looks. I was a dick drunk ho. My pussy did all the talking for me, to the point I ignored the signs they had trained me to see.

Only, none of that was true.

Hunter loved Destiny. He took her without a second thought and protected her. Cared for her. He didn’t have to. He could have thrown her back in my arms and told me to fuck off. Rather, he stepped aside, ushered me into his home and took every verbal thrashing I laid on him because I’d been wrong about him.

Had I still been wrong?

Wiping away my tears, I shook my head. No. I wouldn’t do this to myself. I couldn’t. I had more important things to think about, like helping Destiny. I backed out of Hunter’s driveway and headed home. Monday was going to suck, but I had to do what was right. If it meant Destiny went into the system, then so be it. Neither Hunter nor I were the adjudicators for Destiny’s life.

The ride home was a nightmare. No matter how many times I told my brain to shut up, the damn thing wouldn’t. Hunter’s words continued to repeat in my mind, all while I told myself to listen to him. To see his side of things. I understood his actions. Placed in the impossible situation we had thrust him into; I might have done the same. Even the thought of putting Destiny into the system made my insides curdle. A baby like me... She’d either bounce around from home to home or worse.

The idea made me shudder in revolt.

Destiny didn’t belong in the system. She deserved to be with people who cared about her and loved her. People like Hunter.No one has to know.They didn’t. I could turn my head, walk away from my part in the case, and never say a word. Destiny would grow up in a loving home with a man who cared about her more than my biological parents ever gave a shit about me.It’s the right thing to do, and you know it.

Was it?

Hunter claimed to be looking for Destiny’s family since the moment I darkened his doorstep. Yet, because he’d been named the father on her birth certificate, I hadn’t dug into Destiny’s case, so I didn’t know if he’d been honest. Thinking clearer now, maybe I should have. Before I did anything on Monday, I decided in a split second to get one of our state investigators to look into Destiny’s family.If Hunter is telling the truth, and she has no one? What then, Posey?I’d cross that bridge when I got to it.

As it was, my heart fisted in my chest, broken by a man I’d fallen for. I couldn’t stand deceivers. Even falsities by omission were just as bad as lying for the sake of being dishonest. No matter how much good Hunter may have done, he hurt me deeper than anyone else could. At any point, he could have told me the truth. I understood going undercover and being in a situation not of his making to help someone out.

Undercover officers came to us with cases all the time. Nothing stopped him from telling me about his time with Hope. There were legal ways of doing this. I could have figured out the best path.

But this...

The bridges to understanding him and his motivations were too far for me. I had to walk away. As much as my soul and my heart were telling me I’d made the biggest mistake of my life or I needed to listen to him fully, I couldn’t. If I gave him an inch of my resolve, he’d walk all over me. I’d seen it one too many times with the families I’d helped. Mom’s who’d run away from abusive husbands only to return six months later, because the father told her he’d do better.

Then I’d return to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives, most times, taking the children and putting them into the system after dad killed mom. Or finding them at a hospital after dad put them through a window or wall or crashed their car on purpose. Or worse, like the Hart Family—murder-suicide. I couldn’t let my guard down for a second.

Nevertheless, I had.

I convinced myself Hunter was different. I saw him take to being a parent better than I’d seen most. His family had rallied around him, giving him everything he could need. He’d even helped his baby brother, who was in the same boat as him.

Hunter, for all intents and purposes, was born to be a family man. I’d gleaned as much while I listened to him talk about his parents, who’d unfortunately passed away before any of the Banks siblings were ready. Still, as I stood in my living room, my bags laying at my feet along with the crumbled remains of my life, I couldn’t reconcile anything that just happened. I couldn’t push past my anger and try to forgive Hunter. Why? Why was it so hard? Why was I so angry?

Hunter did everything right, except for one thing. Should a single part of the story we were writing together be the ending? I didn’t know what to do and staring at the four walls of my apartment after being inside a home filled with love and acceptance wasn’t going to cut it either. Unfortunately, I had nowhere to go. I was utterly alone.

If you take Destiny away from Hunter, this will be her life, too. Loneliness. No one to love her as much as Hunter’s family would have loved her. Is that what you want, Posey? Another statistic since he didn’t follow your fucked up rules, and you didn’t investigate him further? Who are you really mad at here? Hunter or yourself?

I didn’t know.

I couldn’t say either way.

None of the answers were coming to me.

I couldn’t stand the way I was feeling. I wanted to crawl out of my skin and sleep away the days until everything made sense again. Or hit over the head with a mallet so I could forget about Hunter and our time together. Maybe then I could make the right choices for my life.

My phone buzzed, dragging me from my morose thoughts, and without even looking at the screen, I opened the message.

I sagged, hating myself more while tears dropped onto the screen, blurring his words.

Viking God: I am sorry. I broke your rules, and I did so willfully, because I thought I was doing right by Destiny. I understand my actions have consequences. I will meet you Monday morning at the courthouse to schedule a DNA test and a hearing to terminate my “non-existing” rights to Destiny. You were right, and I was wrong. She deserves her family.

Viking God: As for us, I’d hope one day you’ll forgive me, but I know sometimes it’s not in the cards. I fell madly in love with you, Posey. You tumbled into my life at the right time. Just doesn’t seem like the right place anymore. I’m sorry for being such a screwup. Please let me know if Monday is suitable for you to meet. Or when it is convenient for you and the CPS schedule. Thx ~Hunter.

I dropped to the floor, tears streaming down my face. I didn’t want any of this. I wanted to go back in time, wake up in Hunter’s bed and never hear his conversation. I yearned for the ability to just shrug everything off and forgive him. His heart was in the right place, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t let the slight go. I couldn’t just let bygones be bygones. I loathed this so much, because if he fell in love with me, then I’d just destroyed our life together over a child who had no one but Hunter who’d stood up when he didn’t have to.

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