Page 6 of Lost Boy

The truth is, my senior year in high school, I made some pretty bad choices. One was thinking that I could self-medicate the guilt and sorrow I was feeling out of my body. Months later, I found myself in rehab—against my will. But it’s no secret that hockey is hard on the body. And when I fucked my knee up from overtraining this past summer, I needed something, anything, to train through the pain. I knew better because I had only been clean from pills for a year. And aside from a few beers here and there, I hadn’t touched any drugs. But I didn’t want to let the guys down by playing like shit if my skills got rusty from resting.

A few OxyContin later, I might have temporarily numbed the pain in my knee, but I knew I had fucked up my sobriety, moving forward. Because a few turned to weeks of daily use, which turned into months. And before I knew it, it was hockey season. And how the hell was I supposed to go through withdrawal when my team needed me?

Exactly. I couldn’t.

I will get clean someday soon. But right now can’t be that time. Even if I know that playing college hockey and snorting pills don’t mix well.

But still … here I am, continuing to do it.

So, I don’t blame Hunter for not wanting me to get too close to his angel sister. I’m a bad guy. And bad guys should stay away from good girls.

3

Cade

Opening game is something the entire team waits for. It’s like getting ready for a hunt, and we’re anxious to take down our prey. The locker room is filled with equal parts excitement and nervousness. It’s different this season though, and I think we all feel it.

We don’t have Cam Hardy or the crazy motherfucker Brody O’Brien sharing the ice with us. And that sucks because Hardy was an incredible center and a true captain. And O’Brien? Well, he was slightly insane when he stepped onto the ice. He’d take out anything that got in his way of winning. Like me, he was a defenseman. And I think the entire team felt safer with the two of us on the ice together. Because if you fucked with any of our boys, we’d make sure you felt the wrath of it.

From what I’ve observed since being a part of the hockey world, some of the best defensemen have a few screws—or ten—loose. That’s a trait he and I share. Aggression is our outlet. A way to blow off steam without getting intoomuch trouble.

I think I always felt closer to him than some of the other guys on the team because I knew he’d been through some shit in life. Probably not the best thing to connect on, but, hey, darkness usually finds darkness. If it surrounded itself with light all the time, it would just be swallowed up and forgotten.

Link Sterns, our new team captain, is a senior. He was offered a spot in the NHL last year. But his girlfriend, Tate, still had a year of schooling left here at Brooks. So, lucky for us, he put off going into the pros for another year to wait for her. That’s a good fucking man. He’s got more consideration in his left nut than I do in my entire fucking body. The only decent thing I might do for a chick is to make her come twice instead of just once. And even that usually isn’t out of the kindness of my heart. It justhappens.

There are enough drugs in my system to keep the pain in my knee at bay. But not so much that I’ll be useless for the game. It’s a balancing act. One that, if I’m being honest, is fucking exhausting. Yet here I am, already worrying that I’ll need more in the middle of the game.

Thank God for intermission.

I haven’t really thought about what I’ll do if I get chosen for a drug test. It could happen at any given time. Last season, it did, and thank fuck I was behaving myself when it happened. It will happen at some point this season—that’s obvious. But I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

“All right, all right,” Coach LaConte says, strutting into the locker room. “I’m seeing a lot of fucking off in here. So, that’d better mean you all are ready for this opening game.”

“Yes, sir,” everyone calls out, nodding.

“I hope so. We know how important game one is. I don’t need to tell you that this sets the tone for tomorrow night’s game against this team. Hell, sort of sets it for the entire season, to be honest. If we come out swinging tonight and bring home thewin, the others will know we aren’t a team to take lightly. If we are sloppy and they see our weaknesses, they’ll use that to their advantage. Not just tonight, but tomorrow night too.” His eyes sweep the room, his lips in a firm line. “In practice this week, you guys looked good. Not great. But good. We have a long way to go, but I think tonight, this win, well, it’d be a fine place to start.”

LaConte always reminds me of the coach from this show my mother used to watch when I was younger. It was calledFriday Night Lightsor some shit. I’d pretend like it was awful, but the second I sat down when it was on, I’d find my dumbass getting pulled into the drama of it. I’d never admit that to her though. Christ, she’d force me to rewatch the entire series with her. And I’d do it because I’m her only child. And because she’s always been too damn good to me.

LaConte jerks his chin toward Link, who’s leaning his back against a locker. “Take it away, Sterns.”

Standing up straighter, he takes a breath. “Y’all already heard my spiel the other day at practice. We know this feels different without Hardy and O’Brien. And that’s okay because it is different. Look around the room. This is your team.Ourteam. So, let’s go out there and show them thisteamisn’t one to be fucked with. What do you say?” Holding his hand out, he gives us a slight smirk. “On three.”

As we all move in a circle, putting our hands over his, we look around. “One, two, three … Wolves!”

“Let’s fucking go!” Link yells before heading out the door, the team following behind him.

When I get closer to the arena, I hear “Kream” by Iggy Azalea and Tyga blaring, and my heart rate picks up.

As we follow Link onto the ice, the sounds of music and people screaming for us fill the air. It’s in moments like this that I think of Eli.

He would have fucking loved this.

He should be here instead of me.

Haley

My brother played so well tonight, and as I watch him and his teammates all hugging, acting like animals, grinning like fools, my heart squeezes for him. He’s really found his place. And that place is on the ice.

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